Hey bosses, heres a thing... If I tell you I can't do something, it's because I can't do it. →[More:]If I tell you that the "held together with string and glue" version of the thing I can't do isn't ready, then it isn't ready. Here's a list of things that will not magically help the project to be finished at the time you (not me, you) told the customer it will be finished.

- prefixing the requirements with "only", "just", "all you have to do is" and "it should be simple to".

- Telling me that the customer needs the thing by a certain date. Reminding me that the customer is a big important customer.

- Offering to come and talk to me about my "issues"

- Trying to guilt me into doing the thing quicker.

- Telling me that someone else could do it in the proposed timeframe.

Here's some other hints and tips...

You may have liked Star Trek when you were a kid, but that whole thing with Scotty doing the impossible when placed under extra pressue - It aint me. If I tell you the thing is outside my current realm of knowledge, then that's because it is. If I can't tell you how long it's going to take to write something in a computer language I've never used before, then guess what Sherlock... It's because I do not know.

Changing requirements half way through the project... That's fine. But don't expect your newly defined version of the software to be ready at the same time as the version I quoted you for.

Also, you're not going to speed this project by trickling requirements to me slowly.
You: Can you build me a thing.
Me: Sure... Here it is.
You: And now, if you could just make it invisible.

The bad thing about this, is I told you two months ago that we shouldn't take this project on. And you ignored me. And now you're flapping about, trying to guilt trip me into doing something I can barely do in a timeframe I can't do it in at all.

Fuck You. I'm going to metachat to moan.