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18 March 2008

Things that make me suspicious: [More:]
1. People who wear a watch on their right arm when they aren't left handed. Especially prevalent with salesy types.

2. People who sign their emails with a different name each time, like "Lee", then "lee", then "l", then "LT, then "LTD". WTF? do you have that many personalities?

3.People who claim not to be "detail oriented". It's fine to be a big picture thinker, as long as one realizes that at the end of the day, the details *are* the project, and they entail the most work. Total aversion to details = the big red flare of Lazy.
People who wear a watch on their right arm when they aren't left handed

um... I do this. It's because I got doored years ago as a bike messenger, shattered my left arm and now can't turn that wrist over properly. if that makes any sense.
posted by lonefrontranger 18 March | 10:43
proof:
≡ Click to see image ≡
posted by lonefrontranger 18 March | 10:47
things that make me suspicious:

- People who insist on using letters after their name, like, they're rubbing it in that they're More Important Than You. Letters are cool, yo (education and/or professional licencing is worth being proud of) - but don't rub it in, I guess.

- People who abuse cologne and/or cosmetics. Experience tells me that salespeople, HR and marketing types usually do this.
posted by lonefrontranger 18 March | 10:51
"Big picture", "10,000...20,000...100,000 foot thinkers". Yeah, another word for that point of view is "wrong". Because everything works in theory. It looks easy until you actually have to do it.
posted by lysdexic 18 March | 10:52
- People getting back together after a breakup. If you broke up, it was probably for a good reason.
- Anyone who stops me on the street to talk who doesn't spit out what they want in 4 seconds or less.
posted by ThePinkSuperhero 18 March | 11:05
Being told there are only two choices.
posted by JanetLand 18 March | 11:06
lfr, that's legit. I deem thee authentic and trustworthy.

*applauds lysdexic*
posted by chewatadistance 18 March | 11:12
Another right-hand watch-wearer here. At least I've stopped wearing them on my left leg like I did when I was a kid. I'm not sure why I do it, everything else just feels weird.
posted by dabitch 18 March | 11:13
I've been wearing mine on my right wrist because I seem to have gotten some allergen in the watchband, and my left wrist (which was the first part exposed to it) seems to break out in an itchy rash when I put the watch on it. I need to get the band professionally cleaned, I think.
posted by occhiblu 18 March | 11:18
This may just be indicative of how I've changed over the years, but anyone who comes up to me and automatically starts hitting on me after only having just seen me when I'm not in a bar setting or any place where that sort of thing usually happens. Last time, it was in a smoking area outside of JFK. I had just gotten off of a plane, I was wearing casual clothes, I didn't look my best.

WTF?
posted by TrishaLynn 18 March | 11:22
I wear my watch on the right hand also - started doing it as a kid when I had one of those watches that winds itself by motion (or something like that - hey, I was about 8 y.o. then - it's not like I can remember that far back). I'm right handed, but my Mom is left handed if that counts?

Like dabitch, it's the only way it feels right.

As for things that make me suspicious it's the false-friendly-familar-slimy chat-you-up that doctors and salespeople do when they are trying to make you think they really care/know you...
posted by mightshould 18 March | 11:24
hrrmmm. Not suspicious per se, but I am wary of people that don't like animals AT ALL (absent some traumatic experience with dog bites or something in childhood).
posted by gaspode 18 March | 11:38
Though I would say, having my watch on my right hand, as a right-handed person, does make it much easier to surreptitiously look at the time, because it's more likely that my right wrist will move into my field of vision. So I'm not saying you don't have *reason* to be suspicious.

My red flags:

* Men who make a big huge public deal about not wanting to hurt women (not necessarily a particular woman, just "women" as a category). I find it's often a rationalization for not being mature or brave enough to be honest.

* Birds. I like birds, I just don't get birds. I can't tell what they're thinking. Especially indoor birds. Why are birds indoors? How do they feel about being indoors? How can anyone tell???

* Pedestrians who wait for the "Don't Walk" light to change on empty, non-hilly, non-busy streets. Also, pedestrians who don't seem to have any sense of the flow of pedestrian traffic and weave all over the place and stop suddenly in the middle of the sidewalk and cut in front of people and just act unpredictably. Why are they not aware of the people around them? Why are they not thinking ahead and compensating for the fact that there are other people around? What is going on with them???
posted by occhiblu 18 March | 11:40
Any man who uses the word "nurture" or "nurturing."

Anyone who talks about how hugely spiritual they are in casual conversation.

Any guy who feels a need to explain how nice/tolerant he is of his ex.

Women who speak in a really soft voice so that you have to keep saying "What??"

People who won't tell you "no."

(Sorry for the heavy guy focus- I've been internet dating this year.)

posted by small_ruminant 18 March | 12:00
- A "healthy" looking father-daughter relationship. They are clearly hiding something, and it makes me uncomfortable.

- Every single person and family in WalMart. Holy shit, where do these people come from? Do I turn into one of them when I step into the store? Why does my boyfriend still insist on going there?

-- Additionally, every single employee at WalMart, too. Did they not have souls or personalities before they started, or did the company suck it out of them with those awful blue vests?
posted by rhapsodie 18 March | 12:17
occhiblu: * Birds. I like birds, I just don't get birds. I can't tell what they're thinking. Especially indoor birds. Why are birds indoors? How do they feel about being indoors? How can anyone tell???

That reminds me of one of my last roommates who had three birds and played the same CD of bird calls for them every morning just before she left for work. I had to wonder, didn't the indoor birds start getting really tired of hearing the same conversations every day?
posted by TrishaLynn 18 March | 12:38
1. People who use my first name often in conversation. I figure they're trying to sell me a bridge in Brooklyn.

2. Men who say "I'm not like those other guys." I had a friend who fell for that line at least twice. I guess they weren't like those other guys -- they were WORSE.

As for letters, I only use all of mine when I'm writing references for students. I like throwing my creds around for them. Not for myself, however. I've barely gotten past cringing when I'm called "Dr. lleachie".
posted by lleachie 18 March | 12:39
Robins. The red-breasted kind. They sit there, eyeing the ground, cocking their heads, listening. I'm suspicious that they're CIA plants and that they're spying on me. Because seriously, it looks like they're up to something.

I swear this was my answer even before the whole bird thing came up.
posted by mudpuppie 18 March | 12:49
As a lefty, I wear my belt "upside-down". Or backwards, or whatever. I found this out about 2-3 years ago when I bought a belt with a logo on the buckle.
posted by Eideteker 18 March | 12:57
Oh! Something else I'm suspicious of, and it came up when I was buying my interviewin' suit:

Why did they design women's pants/slacks to zip up differently from jeans and men's pants?
posted by TrishaLynn 18 March | 13:23
I love animals. but people who are fanatical about animal rights make me suspicious. The wildcare people? peculiar.

I worked for an exec in a pretty huge financial org who was a PETA guy. He had no problem screwing over entire populations of people, but every old-slicked bird needs to be put into ICU. Bleh.

And how can you be pro-feral cat AND pro-songbird?
posted by small_ruminant 18 March | 13:27
People who don't like ice cream.

and tomatoes.
posted by stynxno 18 March | 13:30
I'm suspicious of anyone who says they like or dislike entire categories of people. As in: I love women!
posted by small_ruminant 18 March | 13:30
and tomatoes.

You're suspicious of tomatoes? Or of people who don't like tomatoes with their ice cream?
posted by occhiblu 18 March | 13:35
Vegans.

Sorry, but the extent to which most of the vegans I've met take it, it's an eating disorder, not a lifestyle choice.

Vegetarians I understand. Not completely, but close enough. I don't like the meat industry either. My solution is to buy the boutique-y chic-chic expensive stuff. Vegetarianism is also a legit solution.

Unless they corner you at every meal and explain they became vegetarian at the age of 13 when they discovered that OMG! animals have faces, too! What the hell did they think before that? idiotic city-slickers ...not raised right... grumble grumble...
posted by small_ruminant 18 March | 13:36
I had a good tomato sorbet once. Odd but yummy.
posted by small_ruminant 18 March | 13:37
I had a good tomato sorbet once. Odd but yummy.

I have a friend who occasionally makes a tomato-and-basil sorbet as a palate cleansing course when he's making really fancy-pants dinners.

But he's a little suspect, too, so I don't know where that leaves us.
posted by occhiblu 18 March | 13:44
I think this one was meant as a palate cleanser too, but I ate a bunch anyway.

Fresh salsas and raita too- too yummy to be relegated to simply condiment status!

(mmm... mango jicama salsa!)
posted by small_ruminant 18 March | 13:47
people in full-ensembles for a specific exercise. All those people who wear bike spandex outfits and shoes drinking lattes at Peets for instance. ew! ew! ew!

There aren't too many activities that should require changing clothes down to the undies, imo.
posted by small_ruminant 18 March | 13:49
I'm coming to believe that small_ruminant is just fundamentally suspicious! Which makes me, um, suspicious.
posted by mudpuppie 18 March | 14:03
Maybe I should start a post for things that DON'T make me suspicious?
posted by small_ruminant 18 March | 14:08
There aren't too many activities that should require changing clothes down to the undies, imo.

You have never ridden a bike for more than 20 miles wearing traditional underwear, then.

Bike outfits are utterly necessary if you're doing any sort of significant commuting or longer-term exercise. The cost to one's inner thighs are otherwise fairly disastrous. Even standard running shorts (with the built-in mesh support) aren't good enough.
posted by mykescipark 18 March | 14:17
You know, I wear my watch on my left arm, and I'm left-handed!!!
posted by deadcowdan 18 March | 14:17
People that repush the button for the elevator, despite the fact that it's lit up and I'm standing right in front of it! You realize you just called me an idiot to my face, right? Are you that late that you have to engage in this irrational, insulting behavior? Or maybe you're still a child and just loove to push the button?! Maybe you just turned a bomb on, and are looking for a fall guy. No thanks, I'll wait and take the next one. Don't truss em one bit.
posted by Hellbient 18 March | 14:22
s_r, bike shorts keep you from tearing your naughty bits up. Seriously. SERIOUSLY. um, if this isn't TMI, this is also why a lot of hairy cyclist dudes shave, erm, pretty much everywhere. Saddlesores are the worst torture ever.

if it makes you feel any better, I'm selfconscious about lycra, and don't like wearing it on short trips (hence I tend to buy messenger knickers, etc.) but please don't judge people by their sports gear.

that said, a lot of those guys could potentially be wannabees and/or self-important gear whores. but it's not as likely as they just don't want their junk torn up.

posted by lonefrontranger 18 March | 14:24
But as far as suspicions go, I am instantly on my guard when I'm approached in public or called on the phone and the other person is 1) a stranger, and 2) very friendly. I immediately think I'm being bullshitted by a salesperson of some kind or other, and I'm usually right. This goes double when I'm in a store or restaurant.

The best example of this was at the local Best Buy a few years ago, when I was browsing the digital cameras and minding my own business. This dude who wasn't wearing the usual store uniform (but had a BestBuy nametag) came up to me, and while he held out his hand indicating he wanted my to shake it, said in a voice full of greasy bonhomie something like, "Hi! I'm Dave Twaddle! And you are . . .?"

I looked at his hand for a second, looked up at him, and asked, "Why do you need to know my name?" This deflated him considerably, and he left me alone after that.

I really despise salespeople like that. Leave me alone until I ask you a question, and then, for the sake of fuck, answer the question. Don't try to bullshit me, or act overfamiliar. Then you just creep me out.
posted by deadcowdan 18 March | 14:31
Heh- clearly my junk is less vulnerable to bike injury than a guy's would be.

Okay. I'll give you those horribly bike shorts, though I don't have to like them, but what's the excuse for the super matchy ones?
posted by small_ruminant 18 March | 14:39
Oh hell, the worst experience I ever had with a stranger in New York was because of his overly friendly tone. Anyone that comes up and starts talking to me I don't trust on principle, and while I was on a subway platform, this one guy started insistently asking if I was happy etc. in life (red alert there for someone proselytizing for something) and I said I didn't want to talk to him, and he was really pushy, and when I told him to go away started screaming at the top of his lungs "IT'S BECAUSE I'M BLACK, ISN'T IT? YOU DON'T WANT TO TALK TO ME BECAUSE I'M A FUCKING NIGGER YOU RACIST BITCH".

I was so glad my train came at that moment.
posted by gaspode 18 March | 14:40
I'm suspicious of people that send their children to school in smart-ass, bratty message T-shirts. Stuff like, "Don't Look at Me. I Didn't Do It." There are even brattier ones, but I can't remember them at the moment.

I'm suspicious of anybody that tells me to, "smile" or worse, "smile, it's not that bad."
posted by LoriFLA 18 March | 14:49
Honestly, charming people make me suspicious. Not funny people, or witty people, or nice people, but definitely charming people. I'm always wondering, in the back of my mind, when the shoe will drop.
posted by muddgirl 18 March | 15:03
s_r, the supermatchy ones are likely teamkit.
posted by lonefrontranger 18 March | 15:07
My biggest warning sign, because it's come up a few times in the last year or so, is people with self-bestowed nicknames.

I mean, seriously.
posted by jtron 18 March | 15:14
Vegans- true, true! Totally suspicious of them. Similarly, I'm suspicious of all the "holistic health counselors" that keep popping up at my church. I already like eating healthy, I don't need to make it my lifestyle. And I'm not spending extra for "organic" shit, either. Because I am suspicious of "organic".

I'm also suspicious of stay-at-home mom groups. It was a great relief to me when I realized that I could have children and not have to go to all the "omg mommy!" groups. It's not required by law! Whoppeee! Really, I'm suspicious of groups in general. Never been much of a joiner. I can pretend I fit in, but I prefer not to.
posted by ThePinkSuperhero 18 March | 15:34
Corn.

People who work in HR.

Billy Crystal.

posted by rainbaby 18 March | 15:40
I am also suspicious of people who work in HR.

I'm also suspicious of people who do things for someone else's "own good," "for the children's sake" or really for anyone's sake, especially if they describe the objects of their condescension as part of a group different from their own.
posted by small_ruminant 18 March | 15:51
I'm suspicious of hype.
posted by ThePinkSuperhero 18 March | 15:53
I'm suspicious of anyone who walks into a retail store with a large, mostly empty tote bag. I'm equally suspicious of stay-at-home moms, or the housewife types who stroll around as if making dinner is the be-all, end-all biggest occasion of the day, twirling diamonds bigger than marbles on their ring fingers.


LoriFla - I have been guilty of sending my son to school in a shirt like that. "I didn't do it. You can't prove anything. I want my lawyer." I thought it was funny.
posted by redvixen 18 March | 15:58
i'm suspicious of people who use the word "perfect" to describe things and people who fervently believe things for no reason other than habit.
posted by ethylene 18 March | 16:11
Redvixen, you are not suspicious to me. ;-) I think at school they're a little disrespectful. Too much "in your face" to authority figures, i.e. teachers. To me they give off the vibe, you can't tell me what to do. I'm bratty and I'm proud! But, what the hell do I know? There are far worse things. Don't listen to me. I'm an old prude.
posted by LoriFLA 18 March | 16:17
I'm an old prude, too, and I'm suspicious of anyone who isn't.
posted by ThePinkSuperhero 18 March | 17:32
I'm equally suspicious of stay-at-home moms, or the housewife types who stroll around as if making dinner is the be-all, end-all biggest occasion of the day, twirling diamonds bigger than marbles on their ring fingers.

Okay, my sister's engagement diamond is pretty big. And she's not teaching again just yet because the youngest is only 3, so she's a stay-at-home mom for a while. And I know she's not the cool home mom type like Lea Hernandez is, but she's still my sister and not someone to be suspicious of, okay?

Even if she does live in Orange County, California.
posted by TrishaLynn 18 March | 17:36
I'm suspicious of people who stare. Srsly, quit staring you motherfuckers.
posted by sperose 18 March | 17:46
I'm suspicious of store employees who refuse to make eye contact. Look at me, dammit!
posted by rhapsodie 18 March | 18:40
The government and the populace at large.
posted by Divine_Wino 18 March | 19:07
1) Short story authors
2) Diabetics
3) People who begin explanations with "basically". I am pretty sure I can handle the intermediate or even the advanced explanation of your story.
posted by richat 18 March | 19:09
>People who wear a watch on their right arm when they aren't left handed.

There are ambidextrous and mixed-dominant people in the world you know, you big single-handedness-supremacist!
posted by pompomtom 18 March | 19:18
richat, that is a very strange list, #1 and #2! Splain yourself, Lucy.

I am totally suspicious of panhandlers, buskers, living statues, and the like.
posted by rainbaby 18 March | 19:20
Diabetics are totally suspect. They could chase after you at any time and poke your fingers with tiny needles. Way shifty.
posted by occhiblu 18 March | 19:23
That's why I stay away from acupuncturists. Well, it's part of the reason.
posted by box 18 March | 19:23
Oh, mimes.
Never trust a mime.
Clowns are also creepy in general.
posted by ethylene 18 March | 19:24
I feel enlightened!
posted by chewatadistance 18 March | 19:26
Just FYI: you're all on my list.










I've said too much.
posted by bmarkey 18 March | 19:27
You know, #s 1 and 2 are hold overs from an earlier conversation I had with one of my odder friends. We are both avid readers. I asked him if he'd read any Flannery O'Connor. He said no, he didn't trust short story authors, and as we discussed it, yeah, we decided they are either quitters, or layabouts.

The whole diabetics thing came out of the same conversation too. They just seemed like a good arbitrary group to distrust. Can't regulate your own insulin levels, eh? And why not? Hmmm?
posted by richat 18 March | 19:31
Oh, and I quit wearing a watch for EXACTLY the same reason as occhiblu. I could handle having it on my right arm. It still bugs me not having a watch - I gave up about 6 weeks ago. I used to wear it all the time, except for swimming and showering. Including while I slept.
posted by richat 18 March | 19:42
I'm also suspicious of anything that anybody's trying to sell me.

I quit wearing a watch because my cellphone also tells time. But when I did wear one, I wore it on my left wrist (I'm left-handed).
posted by box 18 March | 19:56
Distrust diabetics?! Hmph, fine then, richat. I distrust you because you're tall.

And occhiblu, she of the blue eyes; that's good enough to distrust you.

Oh, wait. I have blue eyes. Hrm...
posted by deborah 18 March | 21:35
deborah, I would never come to the defense of the tall. We're all bastards.
posted by richat 18 March | 21:55
I'm suspicious of everything and everyone. Yes, including you!

People who wear a watch on their right arm when they aren't left handed
I'm left handed and wear a watch on my right hand, but how would you know I'm left-handed if you saw me in the street?

posted by dg 18 March | 22:10
I am also tall. But my username lies; I do not have blue eyes. Hazel for me!

So I'm obviously suspect.
posted by occhiblu 18 March | 22:10
What? Occhiblu isn't your REAL name? You mean, all of you are using these, these "usernames" instead of REAL names?

Now you say that "richat" isn't really my name? My god, we're through the looking glass here people.

I can't trust anyone anymore. Especially on the internets.
posted by richat 18 March | 22:19
Women who speak in a really soft voice so that you have to keep saying "What??"
Lord yes! Men, too. I've seen this used passive-aggressively too many times, to try to force the listener to focus.

I'm suspicious of anyone with a sartiorial "trademark"--that guy who always wears bowties, or that woman who always has on a big floppy hat.
posted by mrmoonpie 19 March | 10:58
I'm also suspicious of people who can't spell sartorial correctly. They're the worst.
posted by mrmoonpie 19 March | 10:59
I'm suspicious of people who say they have no opinion about something.
posted by youngergirl44 19 March | 13:03
Bunny cupcakes. || Weird Phone Calls

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