The View From Above. →[More:]As most of you all know, I spent most of my early twenties working in bookstores and other retail establishments. Now after a tour through cubicleland, I'm back. Some things are the same as ever but the difference in perspective is unbelievable. Those of you who did the Nametag Nation thing when you were young know that retail is one big couple and gossip generator. When I was a young man in the biz, I did my share, as a matter of fact that's where me and pips met. And the Famous Indie Bookstore, with almost 300 employees is a fucking hotbed of this shit.

The difference is that now as a 37-year-old 'old guy,' I am blissfully exempt from being involved in all the drama, since I seem to be viewed primarily as an avuncular jokester, which allows me a wonderfully detached perspective.

There's a few mini-dramas going on at the moment. First, there's my work partner Eric, a 20-year old half-assed gutter punk kid built like a weasel with huge-gauge plugs in his ears and a knit skullie, who is totally infatuated with this chick Kim, who is fashion-model level pretty and from my observation seems to view his as an amusing triviality. But poor Eric still radiates cockiness whenever she's around. I don't have the heart to tell him that he's barking up the wrong tree, possibly the wrong forest, even, since Kim seems to have a thing for this cat Trexler, who seems like a nice guy, but who has really obnoxious hair-the bedhead on purpose kind, you can tell he spends hours to make it look like he just rolled out of bed.

Then there's the story of Kate & Clyde. Kate runs the Merchandise station not far from the buying desk where I work. The other day she asked if I would beat up Clyde. Clyde has stringy unwashed shoulder length hair and a porn-star stache and likes to wear Ninja Turtles t-shirts. Seems he constantly flirts with Kate, offering lame lines and alternately leaning on his broom mooning conspicuously at her like a sick cow. She's not ineterested, but Clyde seems an awful lot like the 22-year old jonmc, so I've advised her to try and brush him off without completely cruching the poor sap's ego. He apparently likes to greet her by saying 'Woof!' I told her to tell him that phrase is the equivalent of 'hey Baby' in the gay male 'bear' subculture, since I have a feeling that would make his balls reascend into his body.

Kids today.