Tell them you'll speak to them for money. Make them pay up front in cash. Then tell them you're not related to him and don't know anything about him.

Now you know why I never pursued reporting as a career. Seriously. I could NOT do that.

Oddly enough there are families here down south that seem almost overeager to talk to press when a family tragedy happens. Guess it just depends.

Myself, I don't think I would be as upset with messages as long as they didn't ambush me in my yard or something. I know they have a job to do and all, but if family doesn't want to talk they need to back their butts up.

I have always felt the same way, misskaz, but I've had a couple friends who worked for semi-major newspapers. They say, the way to look at it is to see it as a chance to tell the story of the deceased. Sometimes people want to get to talk about a loved one who died. Some people are almost grateful. That seems to apply less to the family of the perpetrator of something like this, though.

My wife just realized that one of my relatives is married to someone with that last name. How common is it?

I'm with bunnyfire, part of the reason I didn't pursue anything in the journalism field was that questioning relatives in a situation like this seems pointless/shameful, especially the relatives of victims. What insights could they possibly give?

I can't imagine what it must be like for actual family.

The father of the shooter lives in Lakeland, FL. Reporters hounding him have been on the local news. He's tearfully pleaded with them to leave him alone.

ibmcginty, the note I got from GMA said some similar things. "talking about the LIFE of a loved one may help heal the loss," "There is [sic] too many stories circulating about steve and about who he was. No one knows the truth, and that is unfortunate that the events of Thursday will be what he will be remembered for," etc. Maybe it's true, but it read to me like exploitative BS so that they could get a scoop.

drezdn: I really don't know how common it is. I don't meet people very often with the name, and I've lived in two VERY Polish cities (Buffalo and Chicago) for most of my life.

misskaz, do you have any relatives in Milwaukee?

You lived in Buffalo?
Funny, I know two unrelated people with that last name here.
You related to either a Steve or a Julie?

drezdn: Not that I know of!

kellydammit: Born and raised in Buffalo (Tonawanda and Clarence, actually.) My parents and grandparents were also life-long Buffalonians. I went away for college and my parents moved to Houston while I was away, so I haven't been back since high school, unfortunately. No Steves or Julies that I know of...

Were these print media or all TV media?

I know a lot of print journalists, and though I know of a lot of sensitive stories that they reported on, including 9-11 and other personal tragedies, I don't know many cases in which anyone has had to use these tactics. I think these are much more often the product of TV news, particularly local affiliates and especially when they have a chance of selling local footage to a national show. On TV news it's all about the video.

If there were any print media represented, I suggest you write up your experience - including those manipulative quotes from the notes - and send it to the op-ed or letters to the editor page of those papers.

If not, you might want to write an op-ed about media response of this kind anyway, and submit it to a widely read paper.

Or write it up to post on several of the TV stations' blogs as a comment.

Don't let it drive you nuts - the only way to start curtailing aggressive media behavior is to take the embarrassment and shame where it belongs - attached to the outlets that practice lousy techniques.

(Jan, in the US offering to pay for an appearance in the news could easily cost a reporter their job).