At 6:15 this morning, there was a loud crash in the kitchen. →[More:] It was more unsettling that it would normally have been because I'd been having intruder dreams all night. (Do you have those? Dreams where someone breaks into the house and you confront them, but then it turns out that you can't actually speak or anything?)

Anyway, I leapt out of bed and ran to the kitchen, tripping over several empty water jugs that had found their way to the middle of the floor. By this time the noises were coming from the bathroom. Things kept falling, loudly, into the tub.

I turn on the light and there's my little cat, wet from a romp through the tub, with a rat cornered behind the toilet.

"Aw fuck," I said. Girlfriend's yelling "What is it? What's the matter?" "Go back to sleep," I yelled back, "it's just a rat in the bathroom."

I retrieved the live trap from the pantry, where it's been waiting since the Christmas rat died there. I set the trap, placed it against the wall near the toilet, and backed out of the room. (While I was setting the trap, the rat -- reasonably freaked out -- climbed the handle of the toilet plunger and watched me for a bit. I tell you what, I don't much like having rats in the house, but at least these guys are cute.)

Closed the door behind me. Stuffed a blanket underneath it so the rat couldn't escape, waited for rat to enter trap.

Got up this morning and LO!! The trap had been tripped! BUT. In my foggy grogginess, I hadn't noticed that there was an electrical cord abutting one side of the trap. (It's got trap doors on both ends.) So while the rat had tripped it, only one side closed. Boo. Rat not in trap. Nor anywhere else to be seen.

I figured the rat had found a better place to hide and was probably watching me. So I reset the trap and went about the business of brushing my teeth.

Opened the drawer, reached in for the toothpaste, and OMG THAT'S NOT TOOTHPASTE, THAT'S A RAT.

[** Note to self: Take heart medication before getting out of bed next time there's a rat in the house.]

So anyway, I put on shoes and gloves, then took the bottom two drawers out of the chest. I covered the top drawer -- the rat drawer -- with a towel, then slowly pulled it open all the way. Removed towel, ran like hell and shut the door behind me.

He's still in there, the little bugger, but he has nowhere else to go but Trapsville.

Please send rat-catching mojo.

Or less useless cats.