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16 October 2007

And yet another breathtaking offer from a Lava lad.... I suppose this guy could be real and I'm just way too jaded from far too much dating, but my thinking is this guy a) is probably at least somewhat screwed up and b) this is a form email he sends out to everyone. →[More:]

subject
you are an adorable angel to me
message
Hi what a beatifull woman you are that I could not resist to write you, I think you are a work of art of the creator, I think you are just cute and I think if I look at your face would be hard to look away from it.

I know beauty is not only the outside and ultimately we fell in love for what the person is
in their soul and spirit. And as it is said.. appearance wins over the eyes, but personality
wins over the heart, well knowing that but not yet knowing your soul or spirit I would like to say that I like the way your face shows in your picture, I like the way you look and how your hair touches your face, and I love to look at those adorable eyes.

I just could not move my eyes away while I wrote this lines from your picture, I just like the image you project in there, you look so femenine to me.

As for myself I am who I am, since I have just a life without a return (I think), as well as you would I don't like games.
I would love to have a soft drink or coffee just to have the excuse to look at your outer beauty and as well see both the inner self with the outer self. this is my website if you'll like to know more about what I do www.xxxxxxxxxxxxx.ca you can check more in the contact section and my email is xxxxxxxxxxxx@yahoo.com my
msn is xxxxxxxxxx@hotmail.com

Since you are so Angelic I would dedicate this song to you (send me an Angel) http://www.youtube.com/watch?v=4Bnu_wjsP3c&mode=related&search=

Now thinking more about it I got this question, Are you Angelic or Divine?

[First name, two middle names, last name]
B.S. in Computer Science / Programmer Analyst / System Administrator
Ingeniero en Systemas / Programador Analista /
Administrador de Sistemas.

post by: Orange Swan at: 20:07 | 34 comments

'Lava Lad' sounds vaguely comic bookish, like Volcano Man's sidekick or something.

posted by jonmc 16 October | 20:13

Guy says "I" way more often than "you" and I think that transcends the fact that English isn't his first language.

posted by WolfDaddy 16 October | 20:19

The term "Lava Lad" has a flippant, distancing tone to it, which I find of crucial importance sometimes.

So Mechazens, if it were you, would you say nay or yay?

posted by Orange Swan 16 October | 20:23

Yes.

posted by ThePinkSuperhero 16 October | 20:25

A new wave yes.

posted by stynxno 16 October | 20:34

Do it for the stories you could tell. I mean, an hour or two of your life spent with some wackadoo ... sounds awesome to me. Go have fun. And if he's a fucker, fuck with him. Nothing better than screwing with an idiot, karma be damned.

posted by brina 16 October | 20:41

Huh. He doesn't sound like Pepé Le Peu to you?

posted by Orange Swan 16 October | 20:42

No matter which way the date goes, it'll be a fun story. Do it.

posted by ThePinkSuperhero 16 October | 20:42

Either English isn't his first language, or he uses the copy and past buttons waaaay too much (or both). If that's a problem for you, say no, otherwise what have you got to lose? Well, apart from your head if he turns out to be an axe murderer, of course. But that's not too likely.

On preview - Yes! Pepé Le Peu is exactly how he sounds!

posted by dg 16 October | 20:46

Okay, now I'm starting to suspect you people of having an ulterior motive. No, you're not motivated by sordid things money, passion or revenge. Your motives are more along the lines of the "let's get her to screw up her life so we can get some *really* good stories out of it!!!" variety.

English is definitely his second language. The guy's a hispanic version of Pepé Le Peu.

posted by Orange Swan 16 October | 20:49

Ooh, the message really works if you read it in Pepé's accent.

posted by Orange Swan 16 October | 20:51

I totally say do it. He obviously knows beauty. And angels.

posted by mudpuppie 16 October | 20:51

Run. Sweet hominy, run as fast as you can and set shit on fire behind you.

posted by eamondaly 16 October | 21:13

RUN

posted by Miko 16 October | 21:20

And, how does the website look?

posted by Miko 16 October | 21:21

Do it. The worst that can happen is that you have a delicious soft drink. Or coffee.

posted by mullacc 16 October | 21:32

It kind of sounds like a Nigerian scammer email - be careful.

posted by sisterhavana 16 October | 21:35

I bet that guy grabs his crotch when women walk by, so I vote for Do It For The Laughs.

posted by cmonkey 16 October | 21:36

Hi what a beatifull woman you are that I could not resist to write you, I think you are a work of art of the creator, I think you are just cute and I think if I look at your face would be hard to look away from it.

This sounds like the crap I wrote in high school. He doesn't sound like he wants to date a real person, just an nice painting of one. I agree with Miko, run or at least walk briskly.

posted by doctor_negative 16 October | 21:41

RUN. RUNRUNRUN.

posted by Fuzzbean 16 October | 21:58

And meanwhile at the station there's a couple of Lava lads, who swear like how's your father, and they're very cool for cats.

That's what I have to say about this.

Also, this person doesn't sound like an actual human. I'm not sure I'm aware of any picture that could legitimately produce that effect on anyone over 12. But my advice on this sort of thing is worth not very much.

posted by ibmcginty 16 October | 21:59

I think I got that in my spam folder yesterday.

Not doubting your loveliness at all. But it totally sounds like a form letter.

posted by loquacious 16 October | 22:06

Another vote in the negatory. If this guy's a nutcase, the last thing you want to do is encourage him.

posted by me3dia 16 October | 22:12

Well what can meeting him hurt? I am put off by the email, though.

My advice . . .meet him, size him up, don't do anything to get emotionally or physically hurt, and come back and tell us about it.

Just don't, as yet, let him find out where you live or work.

posted by danf 16 October | 22:35

Run.

posted by rainbaby 16 October | 23:12

Run, and make sure you have deadbolts.

posted by King of Prontopia 16 October | 23:30

wait... what? I mean, if you're online dating, aren't you due a few weirdos? I know I certainly got my share of 'belly-laugh-and-delete' responses, back when I bothered with that sort of thing. But then you go and post the poor schmuck's personal message for public scrutiny and derision?

Sure, ok maybe it sounds like a form letter and/or a Really Clueless Person... and forgive me for sounding all holier-than-thou or whatever, but IMO this type of thing really kind of lacks some basic tact.

maybe I'm just crabby tonight. But I just don't get the whole internet-pileon-public-stoning sort of mentality.

*kicks can, wanders off*

posted by lonefrontranger 16 October | 23:38

Color me jaded, but I'm with the run crowd.

posted by miss lynnster 17 October | 00:11

I think we should fix him up with Olina.

posted by essexjan 17 October | 01:17

Hee! Definitely!

He sounds EXACTLY like Smoove from the Onion----RUN.

posted by brujita 17 October | 03:48

I am with the "run" crowd--the "just for laughs" dates are never worth the drink, story or time out of your life.

posted by crush-onastick 17 October | 05:28

Blaach.

posted by JanetLand 17 October | 07:04

"Beat The Gentleman Caller" is too easy, so let's take a different approach ...

He's trying too hard.

In all likelihood, he is doing what he thinks is right and expected. This doesn't make him a bad person, or really all that crazy. However, it does betray a fair amount of loneliness on his part. Even if this is a form letter, something he copies and pastes repeatedly like an Internet Falstaff ("... he hath a thousand of these letters, writ with blank space for different names ..."), situations and confusions have driven him to it.

He's convinced himself that simplicity will get him nowhere, but he doesn't have the skill to be complex without sounding ridiculous. So let's break it all down for him:

- He thinks you're pretty.
- He doesn't want to come off as shallow.
- He thinks you're very pretty.
- He doesn't want to play any games.*
- He wants to meet you for coffee, but if coffee is too restrictive a category, he'll meet for a Coke or whatever.
- He would like for you to check out his website, but more than that, to contact him outside of LL (probably because personal emails don't cost a premium, unlike LL communications).

The YouTube link and the angelic/divine question? Over the top and desperate, almost cringe-worthy, but revealing little more than the fact that our boy has a serious lack of game. Ignore it.

My advice, check out his website, send him a thank you and see if he has the wherewithal to reply once more. If so, maybe a meet out for a cup of coffee will be fun. Or interesting at least. But when you meet him, make sure you point out (kindly) the parts of his initial contact that struck you as odd. Somebody ought to tell him, so why not you? Otherwise, he'll never learn.

* - Though really, participation in LavaLife is kind of like playing a MMORPG where relationships/encounters are quest rewards.

posted by grabbingsand 17 October | 08:46

Oh, I'm not going to contact him. If he's sincere, it's not fair to him to lead him along the garden path. If this is a form letter (the lack of specific references to my picture or my profile are a dead give away, don't you think?) and/or he's off his rocker, I'll be at best wasting my time or at worst putting myself at risk. And I've been around the dating block too often to think I can educate anyone.

posted by Orange Swan 17 October | 12:48

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