MetaChat - Getting hit on when your SO isn't around

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10 October 2007

Getting hit on when your SO isn't around and you're not *obviously, publicly, legally* entwined. How do you deal with it?→[More:]My question is more for the Male that's getting hit on by a Female, but I'll take all sides (male/female/gay/lesbian/whatever) here. I'm not talking danceclubs/hookup places, but divebars/just want to hang out with my buddies and go home to my woman and my dog kthx. What's a proper response from a guy to a girl?

post by: ufez at: 23:56 | 20 comments

"Thanks, but I'm in a relationship."

should not be followed by

"But my friend Paul here is single."

posted by mischief 11 October | 00:02

Wait, why not?

posted by eamondaly 11 October | 00:08

Cuz she might whack you up side the head!

posted by mischief 11 October | 00:40

It doesn't happen to me often. But when it does, I flirt furiously AND drop into conversation a story that's obviously about the fact that I've a girlfriend who I adore. Basically I try to say, "You're nice, I like being with you and hanging out with you, but this is as far as it goes on account of me having a girlfriend."

Rejection is tough, and unless pushed I see no reason to be blunt about it.

posted by seanyboy 11 October | 01:31

Never happens to me, because the first question I get is "What are you doing in England?" (the answer to which is "My wife is British and we prefer it here...")

posted by chuckdarwin 11 October | 01:47

Ask her if she wants to have sex with you immediately, in full view of everyone around (assuming it's a fairly public place).

When she gets offended, glumly remark that your girlfriend will never go for that kind of thing either.

posted by kyleg 11 October | 01:57

"Sorry but I'm in a relationship." works just fine. It makes it fast and clear it's not her fault.

posted by arse_hat 11 October | 01:59

I'll let you know if it ever happens.

posted by dg 11 October | 02:59

I usually ask if she's up for a threesome.

posted by It's Raining Florence Henderson 11 October | 03:07

What dg said.

posted by box 11 October | 06:59

Either it's never happened to me or I'm just so just so blazingly oblivious to social cues that I didn't notice. Even when I was single, I usually never figured out that I was getting hit on until days after the event. "Oh, that's what she meant, damn!"

posted by octothorpe 11 October | 07:58

I've found that the "sorry but I have a BF that I adore" doesn't even work these days when I've upgraded the line to "the father of my children" implying that yes, we're gonna have more now move along. Weird. Beating them off with sticks works though. HEhe

posted by dabitch 11 October | 09:23

I'm usually evasive and jokey unless they seriously persist, in which case I do what seanyboy said & make reference to the other half.

posted by chewatadistance 11 October | 10:11

It depends on how obvious the flirting is. If it's just friendly, banter-ish, back-and-forth stuff then dropping in a quick line about your girlfriend should send the right message.

If it's heavily sexual, "Hello stranger, wanna see my etchings?" stuff, then it's OK to disengage (pull away, cross your arms, frown a bit) and say, "Sorry, I'm seeing someone".

posted by muddgirl 11 October | 10:13

When she gets offended, glumly remark that your girlfriend will never go for that kind of thing either

Kyleg, that's awesome. I just spit out some of my lunch.

I generally try to make my wedding ring apparent to whoever is sweatin' me.

posted by msali 11 October | 12:01

mischief's or arse_hat's "Sorry but I'm in a relationship." can be expanded to "...with a stacked intelligent hottie who can stun an unruly horse with her right hook." if they're the insistent type.

/bias ;)

posted by romakimmy 11 October | 12:46

I'd risk it for Paul. He's a good guy.

posted by eamondaly 11 October | 14:19

I deal with this problem by being completely oblivious. There have been a number of times when I've taken five steps from the bar/café/wherever and realized that the woman I'd been chatting with had been practically humping my leg.

You heard it here first: stupidity is the best deterrent.

posted by lekvar 11 October | 19:19

Well, for me to have advice I'd first have to have a girlfriend, and then I'd have to be hit on. I don't think I've ever been hit on in my life. Seriously, what's it like?

posted by eekacat 11 October | 20:00

I'd risk it for Paul. He's a good guy.

That's the nicest thing anyone has said about me all day. Thanks.

But seriously, I usually just talk the conversation over to something about my wife, and usually early on. Then again, I rarely get hit on.

posted by Doohickie 11 October | 21:13

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