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22 September 2007

Reposting from another board: If Jason Bourne and James Bond were to have a fight… [More:]who’d win?
oh, hands down, jason bourne would prevail in a fight, but if they started playing a game of baccarat, my money's on james bond.
posted by syntax 22 September | 08:38
If lasers and silver jumpsuits are involved: edge Bond.
If cellphones and magazines are allowable weapons: edge Bourne.

Otherwise, Bugs Bunny.
posted by bonehead 22 September | 08:39
Bond is, what, five or six guys now? Granted, they're mostly kind of geriatric, but still.
posted by box 22 September | 08:53
Thus speaks Bourne.

("It's tough. I wouldn't bet against Bourne," Damon said. "Bond had all those gadgets, though." Also discussed in the article: Bond is a dated, 1960's-born, silly sexist symbol of the English Empire.)
posted by shane 22 September | 11:31
Neither the movie Bond nor the book Bond were noted much for their hand-to-hand combat ability. Every major fight I remember from the books ended with the introduction of some weapon. His strengths were stealth, small-caliber handguns, and absolutely no sense of fair play.
posted by mischief 22 September | 12:13
Bourne vs. James Bond (played by Sean Connery or Pierce Brosnan): Bourne hands down, even if Bond gets some gadgets.

Bourne vs. James Bond (played by Daniel Craig): Now that would be a dirty, hand-to-hand combat fight I'd like to watch!
posted by muddgirl 22 September | 12:21
Bourne vs. James Bond (played by Daniel Craig): Now that would be a dirty, hand-to-hand combat fight naked oil-wrestling match I'd like to watch!
posted by desjardins 22 September | 12:36
Bond, obviously.

Um, you probably want some kind of reason. Hold on...

OK, James Bond is basically a psychopath. As Matt Damon says in the interview shane linked to "He kills people and laughs and sips martinis and wisecracks about it." That ruthlessness is bound to give him the edge.

Jason Bourne is basically just an emo-boy who's spent a lot of time on the ab machine. He's bound to wimp out somehow: fail to fight dirty enough, try to incapacitate Bond instead of just killing him, or just break down in tears and start sobbing about how much his life sucks...
posted by TheophileEscargot 22 September | 13:07
If we're talking hand-to-hand combat, Bourne for sure.

If we're talking some technologically advanced and probably escapable weapon like sharks with frickin' laser beams coming out of their heads, Bourne would get chewed up while Bond would simply ride a shark to the nearest tropical island, dust off his tux, and bed the most Eurocentrically attractive woman.
posted by Orange Swan 22 September | 19:09
It'd be close. But Daniel Craig's Bond could probably snap Bourne in half with his naked Bond ass cheeks. (SFW)

If we're talking Roger Moore though, I'd definitely say Bourne. Depends on whether or not Bond's gout is acting up though.
posted by miss lynnster 22 September | 19:36
I'd imagine they would win. Whoever they were fighting against would lose, unless they were some kind of robot.

Or did you mean against each other?
posted by Eideteker 22 September | 23:01
I meant against each other, Eid.:)

When answering this question, my exact comment was, like syntax’s—Hands Down, Bourne.

But, if you take into account the thrilling fight scene in the beginning of the Bond film, then I guess that would be a pretty close one to call. (Although I like Jason’s character any day better than James’s.)
posted by hadjiboy 23 September | 04:04
Bah, if you're going to say "Hands down, Bourne", you ought to at least have a reason, even if it's wildly implausible.

Character-wise, they're both ex-military-turned-spy/assassin. Actor-wise, Daniel Craig and Matt Damon are similar in size, build and age. So, the Bond ruthlessness has to be the deciding factor.

Look at the "you've had your six" moment right in the first Bond movie. The baddie isn't even a threat to Bond since he's out of ammo: Bond just kills him anyway.

Jason Bourne doesn't really kill anyone unless he's absolutely forced to in self defence.

Advantage: Bond, precisely because he's a less-likeable character.
posted by TheophileEscargot 23 September | 05:33
Jason Bourne doesn't really kill anyone unless he's absolutely forced to in self defence.

Which is why if he were pushed to the edge, he'd really fight back.

Advantage: Bond, precisely because he's a less-likeable character.

Likeability has got nothing to do with it, punk!
posted by hadjiboy 23 September | 07:15
Which is why if he were pushed to the edge, he'd really fight back.

Bah, he'd be mercilessly executed before he even got the chance.

Likeability has got nothing to do with it, punk!

Yes it does. The whole point of Bourne is that he's Bond Lite: less threatening, more monogamous, a cuddly assassin it's OK to like because that's all the fault of some brainwashing program. That's why he could never defeat the unconflicted Bond Full Strength. ;-)
posted by TheophileEscargot 23 September | 10:50
he's Bond Lite

Nah, he just doesn't like to flaunt his assets like James does. And at the end of the day, he's just one man against the whole world. James has got an entire nation behind him.
posted by hadjiboy 23 September | 11:08
...he's just one man against the whole world. James has got an entire nation behind him.

Good thinking. Another reason for Bond to win!
posted by TheophileEscargot 23 September | 12:36
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