"How do you explain it?" My invisible friends.

mrs chewie hangs mostly on birding listservs. And on one other forum I've been running for a couple of years. She's come to a few meetups w/ me but likes it under her rock most of the time. She's cool if I want to go hang with web peeps.

I somehow managed to avoid actually explaining it. She's vaguely aware of it and since she's working on her masters degree she doesn't have time to "give a rat's pitootie" what I'm doing, as long as I'm not having meetings with strange women.

I've been to one meetup from MeCha/MeFi. It was okay but sparsely attended. I've been to several meetups from the car site I post on, I seem to have more in common with those guys.

I explained to my boyfriend that I have online friends who also happen to get together with now and then in the real world. He seemed to think it was fair-to-partly odd at first (he especially thought it was a little weird that I was meeting up with people I'd never met before in New York when I was out there in 2005), but takes it as a normal thing for me now.

He even met up with a couple of us last year when Jess was in town and we ended up at Jumbo's Clown Room. And when jonson and I went to see Crowded House last month, he didn't even blink, though a few years ago I think he would have honestly been a bit unsettled by it.

"That website," I call it as I wave vaguely in the direction of the Internet (which seems to exist somewhere to the South). And by "That website," I might be referring to MetaChat, MetaFilter, or any and all associated sites. I don't do meetups, because I'm convinced that there are several Mechamefites who wish me physical harm, and might be moved to do something about it given half a chance. I won't name names taz, but they are stone cold killers and they know who they are. Mrs. IRFH is bemusedly tolerant of my attentions here, but has less than zero interest in online communities, herself.

I don't explain it. MetaChat is my secret world.

Oh, but I sometimes send her links and when she asks where I found it, I say "it's a MetaFilter thing" and she immediately switches off.

The BF posted with my profile once. He's had to endure me making stuffed bunnies and sending out oodles of christmas cards. He finds it amusing but sometimes wishes it didn't take up so much of my time while he's around. I do send him links and he's brought to my attention things that I've posted.

I just talk about everyone and things that happen here like I would talk about people at work and things that happen 'in real life.' It's just easier that way.

I have so many weird hobbies, the SO doesn't think twice about me referring to "the bunnies." Plus he's liked everyone he's ever met from here, so that helps.

No SO to explain it to (boo hoo hoo). However.

The first time I met the Chicago crowd, I was on my way to Indiana to spend holidays with the family, including my immediate family. I explained to my mom that I had been "out with friends" the night before. She asked how I knew them, and I said they were "from a website." When asked to explain what kind of website, I feinted and generally avoided the topic. (Didn't know HOW to explain it.) She thought it was weird to go drinking with strangers, though she didn't say so, and I think it made her really nervous.

Fast forward. Since my mom was diagnosed with her freaky disease, she's been reading (and somewhat active in) an online forum for other people with it. Late last year I told her I was going to Portland to visit friends. Again, she asked why I had friends in Portland. I told her they were from That Website.

Her response that time, after having bonded with fellow sufferers of her disease: "I have a new appreciation for online friends."

That doesn't sound like a lot, but it was HUGE for her to validate it.

So anyway. Now I'll go back to boo hooing about not having an SO.

So, what - you're saying we're not significant?

No SO to speak of, but I will add that how much a friend knows about my involvement with MetaFilter/MeCha (or who know the URL of my blog) the closer I am to that person. Although I have some friends who don't "get" the internet, so they just understand I have friends online and that's that. Generally the people I feel would be judge-y about it are the people I don't spend as much time with.

My wife is registered on Mefi but not here. She reads it as much as I do but seldom posts anything.

No SO here either. But when my friends react oddly when I mention meeting with or just chatting with people online, I just say that one of the people I chat with online is a doctor. That seems to make everything okay.

Mrs. Mitheral doesn't get the appeal of MeCha/MF so her eyes just kind of glaze over when I mention them. That's OK though as I don't really get the appeal of hitting a ball with a stick which she's very into so we're even.

My partner knows of y'all vaguely, MeCha and MeFi lumped together under the affectionate title (as I admitted here) of "the internerds."

I don't think he understands my attachment, exactly, but he seems to give it some value. Yesterday at the end of The Simpsons' Movie, he started to stand. I tugged his sleeve and said, "One of the internerds said to stay for the credits." He promptly sat, perked for credit-sequence hilarity.

mr. gaspode's an interesting case as he's met a lot of y'all. And he likes everyone he's met from mecha, and he's cool with me hanging out. But he still finds it odd. He gets annoyed if I prioritize hanging out with people I have met online over my "real friends". He still draws a big line between the groups of people. And he worried a lot when I went to the SF meetup, because he hadn't met anyone. Even though I talk about occhiblu and mudpuppie etc.

Like, I've been talking with y'all for a couple of years. I contrasted it with the fact that I had sex with him after I'd only known him a week or so. He could have been all sorts of creepy weirdness. He doesn't find the latter odd. He still has this big blind spot about it. But he doesn't participate in any online forums or anything - he only goes online for work stuff and sports stuff and porn.

That said, he's coming to Bunnystock II. And he's looking forward to it. Because like I said, he's liked everyone he's met. He's just a weirdo.

No SO at the moment, but historically speaking there's generally a fight for bandwidth and/or CPU cycles and/or pillow room in bed for laptops - yes, plural. I like my girls nerdy. So, no explanation required, usually.

Which leads to other problems, like "I can't believe you said that!" and/or debating politics and such.

My guy just seems kind of amused. He bought my MetaFilter account as a gift. One of these days, I'll get to bring him to a meetup, and I think he'll enjoy it very much.

She thinks I'm keeping the world safe from communist missiles, so please don't give the whole deal away.



In a world where I don't project a constant aura of frivolity, my wife doesn't really get that I spend a bunch of time hanging out with nicknames on the internet, but she loves me and so...

Metachat, well I lump it in Metafilter. She only hears about it when I forward some link that she might be interested in.

She is only minimally on the net and although she DOES post to a wiccan listserv, she really does not get the concept of "community" or that all these nicknames are real (and bitchen) people.

The mister has been an online nerd much longer than myself, so there was no need to explain anything - he "gets" it. I've been to two meetups and he joined me for one of them. He had fun and wouldn't mind joining another one. He also has an account here, but hasn't posted anything.

Mine knows you all as the "metachat bunnies." As we have been bunnies IRL for ages, it's not that big a leap.

My guy still has an aol email address and wouldn't understand why that's funny, so he doesn't get my friends on the internet at all. I think he thinks only pedophiles hang out in internet chat rooms and such. I, too, have tried the "But there are doctors on there" defense, to which he replied knowingly, "They're not real doctors."

I'm been keeping it a secret. Shhhh. Don't tell.

You're not really pink, are you?

No SO here, but people at work and my sister wonder how I have so many friends around the world. The Vegas wedding totally stumped them, but I say "they're people I know from this computer geek forum that I'm on" and because they all think I'm a nerdy geek, they ask no more questions. The word 'bunny' has not passed my lips in their presence.

So being a doctor means that one is perfectly fucking normal and not one of those freaks? I hate that.

Seriously. The rest of us are pretty cool too. Even those of us who don't have such important jobs. The stereotypes suck.

[/grouchy]

i know some pretty fucked up doctors.

My husband knows all about Mefi and Metachat, though he doesn't really read them except when I show him something in particular. He's fine with everything, doesn't think it's weird to hang out with online friends, doesn't think I'm too crazy for spending a lot of time online, and sometimes asks "how are your friends on Metachat?"

... but he does sometimes say when I take photos of him, "you aren't going to put this on the internet, are you?" Teehee.

My husband knows all about Metafilter and Metachat. Sometimes he asks, "Are you Metafiltering it?" Or, "Wheredya hear that? On Metafilter?" He's supportive for the most part. He has conveyed his thoughts in the past, that "AskMetafilter is dumb", and, "doesn't mean anything." He says this out of frustration I'm sure. Metafilter is about the only site I visit on a regular basis. After my surgery I was spending entirely too much time on the computer and he couldn't understand it.

He doesn't think it's strange that I have Metachat friends. He doesn't think it's strange that I'm going to Bunnystock II. He's relieved that I'm going to VA with friends instead of NYC solo.

He reads an electronics and TV forum, but never posts.

The Husband is pretty cool about it, doesn't understand it, but knows I'm introverted and it makes me happy. Could read metachat, but doesn't care to. He refers to icanhascheezeburger as "that place where you talk about terrorist cats". He's met some folks and will probably get dragged to Bunnystock II. I like to think he's happy I have the forum (metachat - we hash things about so you don't have to!).

If I have "a computer thing" to go to here in town or invite people to the house, it's fine, but he squirms about meeting people while I'm travelling about. (A bit like Mr. Gaspode)

Thanks for the stories, and like any other relationship filter, I really just need to sit down and talk to him about it - the post came about because I have a day-trip meet up opportunity coming up, but have the sense that he won't like the idea much.

Mr. V is cool about my "internet friends". He gets nervous if I mention wanting to attend meetups (and I so wanted to meet essexjan!!). I've been mentioning Bunnystock II, and I'm thinking I'd like to go alone to meet everyone, and he only half jokingly asked if we were meeting for an orgy. Didn't help when I said I'd have to wait and see how everyone else felt. Other than sports (especially Fantasy Football), he really doesn't use the 'net that much.

I don't have to explain anything to my special lady friend. Because she's imaginary.

No SO either but my friends all find it a bit odd, though they always seem to be amused (bemused?), when I relate shenanigans that are mecha/mefi related. One friend especially loved the quote I read the other day:

"Everytime I don't kill someone, I'm being polite."

I can't remember who said it but I think it's genius and sums up both mine and the friend's attitudes towards the general public quite well. I haven't been to any meetups and the only bunny I've met IRL is sciurus, which everyone one of my friends thought was odd and called to make sure he hadn't murdered me or stuffed me into the back of his car. But that didn't turn out all that great so...

I'm hoping to meet some NYC and west coast bunnies if I ever manage to get to those places.

"Everytime I don't kill someone, I'm being polite."

I have no idea who that is, but it sounds a lot like dg.

also, I adore sciurus

"Everytime I don't kill someone, I'm being polite."

It was IRFH, if memory serves.

Hubby and I do regular meetups with our respective communities. Or rather, we did before the Kidlets came along.

Hubby joined Metafilter but doesn't really post. He is happy that I've found such a good community and now I always have interesting conversation pieces. He's come to a meet-up and really enjoyed it, and when the bunnies came down here for the weekend he really had a ball, so he's very much a fan!

My wife reads the blue a little, but that's about it. She wouldn't be thrilled if I started going to meetups a lot. I think she assumes that it's all sort of lame in some indefinable way.

My man doesn't really frequent any forums. He's not "into the internet" as he puts it. So it is kind of odd to him. Just yesterday he was asking what the different colors mean on Mefi. Overall, though, he's just happy I have people to talk to. I have a hard time with the isolation of full-time motherhood and being able to sneak in some chat time while the baby naps is a total sanity-saver. Plus, you guys help keep me up-to-date on what's going on in the world, new music, etc.

The only kind of awkward thing is the screen names. I adapt some of your monikers so that it doesn't sound so weird. It's less uncomfortable to say, "Hugh said" or "Flo said" than "Hugh Janus or It's Raining Florence Henderson said."

I'm not sure how he'd feel about my going to meet-ups. He's asked if I'd ever go and seemed relieved when I told him I hadn't really planned on it.

My SO built the Internet. He now rides around on it like a bicycle. He likes Metachat and doesn't care if I post.

My other SO likes to type his name in the posting window. One of these days you'll see an unintelligible, misspelled post, it isn't me, okay? He did love the bunnyhead though, but I am trying to make him appreciate the current front page art.

"Everytime I don't kill someone, I'm being polite."

It was IRFH, if memory serves.

Yeah - that was me.

Sorry, Flo! But, please, do us a favor and don't mate with dg in some newfangled man-on-man way, 'K?

I mean, basically, I'm worried about offspring... so if you can do it in an old-fangled way, or even in a newfangled way, sans reproduction, that would be cool.

:)

There will be no fangling. I'm spoken for. ;-)

*exhales*

Interesting thread. Thanks for sharing, bunnies. (The following might be a bit rambly.)

My wife knows about MetaFilter et al and knows I consider people here my friends. (As far as she understands, though, metachat and sportsfilter are directly affiliated with the blue.) There have probably been times when she thought I spent too much time in these communities, but she knows I have a bit of an obsessive personality and when I'm into something it can take over my head -- be it mefi or stamp collecting or football or fatgirl porn -- and has learned to accept that part of me. She also knows that she and the boys always come first, even when it may not seem like it.

I don't have a lot of real life friends and I pretty much never go out with them. She, on the other hand, travels often for work, leaving me alone with the kids a couple times a month. For that reason, she really couldn't say anything about me wanting to go to meetups a handful of times a year, even if she wanted to. We had a talk before bunnystock last year and afterwards she was convinced once and for all that mefi/meetups are about community and not about hooking up. That was probably hard for her as around '99/'00 we had some pretty serious relationship issues stemming from my IM habit. She is an wonderful and understanding woman. (She has expressed interest in attending a meetup herself, but it hasn't worked out yet.)

There have been times when I wanted to bitch about her here, or to celebrate her, but I've been hesitant to do it. I've kinda have an unspoken line about mixing real life and online life. She really has no interest in web communities, so it seems wrong to talk about her behind her back as much as I'd like to sometimes. I like having my own place here on the net ... everything else in my life is shared.

(Some of her high-school era friends are (were?) pretty active on Crunchland's site and one of them even had her own little forum for awhile, but I posted there a 1000 times more than she did. She has had 'stangers from the internet' over to our house before though -- from a "DC-eco-women" listserv -- something I've never done.)

I do hope Mr. Baby comes to Bunnystock II, rainbaby. He's a riot.

The guy I'm seeing now, I met in my local Flickr meetup group, so our relationship pretty comfortably spans both the real-life and online worlds. He's totally into the idea of having an online group of friends, as our Flickr group is quite active and pretty tight (lots of friendships and even some couples formed there). From the start I have mentioned "this internet community I participate in", and he's a regular commenter on some science fiction blog, so none of this is strange to him. I haven't introduced him to Metachat yet, although I have mentioned the name so he might have googled it in his spare time and just hasn't mentioned it to me yet. I kind of like keeping you guys for myself for now, though.

The MrsMoonPie knows of and supports pretty much all of my online activities. She has participated in arranging and attending meetups, and, in general, is just really impressed that all of these people actually do get together and have fun and stuff. Hell, my daughter knows about metachat and metafilter, and has been to a meetup. I don't think I've ever gotten any flack about this or any other forum from my wife.

Now, my ex-wife, that's a different story. We've been split for 9 years now, and 9 years ago, it was a much odder thing to spend time online with strangers, and to meet up with them offline, things I did quite a bit back then. She was very derisive of my "imaginary friends," but, then again, she was pretty derisive of just about everything I did that didn't center on her, hence the ex.

She was correct, I suppose, to feel threatened; I did a lot of talking about divorce in one discussion group, and got a lot of support on the subject. In fact, it was the wife's finding (and reading) that forum that led to the final blow-out "I want a divorce" conversation. It would have happened eventually, sure, but my ex always blamed that group (the now very quiet mindspace, originally created by the legendary Maggy Donea) for our marriage's demise.

For anybody that missed it, ColdChef has some great lines about his "imaginary friends" on his podcast interview. Which reminds me: I still haven't listened to last couple of podcasts. Yay, new listenings.

"Everytime I don't kill someone, I'm being polite."
I have no idea who that is, but it sounds a lot like dg.
As you already know, this wasn't me. It does sound like me, though and I will save it up to use at a later date.

Relax - there is no chance of offspring between IRFH and I - not because he's not totally hot and desirable if sex with men is your thing (I prefer innies, myself), but I have sworn off any more kids - four is more than enough.

I believe some of you have met Cinnamon.

No SO here, but people at work and my sister wonder how I have so many friends around the world.

I got a call once from ColdChef about MySpace and death, and I had to explain to my cubemate that I had a friend who was an undertaker. That was fun, lol.

Tizzie regularly gets phonecalls from me, which I like to refer to as "The Most Depressing Thing You'll Hear All Week." Which encompasses the most god-awful tragedy that has befallen my tiny community, resulting in the need of my services.

Be glad that I don't have any of your cell numbers.

My SO refers to you all in a loving and joking way as "the geekbots" or "my geekbots" -- this is from someone with both a Metafilter and Metachat account and who has also been to a meet-up.