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ZOMG THERE'S FUCKALL IN THE HOUSE TO EAT!!

this recipe assumes you have this sort of effluvia just lying about, mind... we just finished a wokload, tho and it's mighty darned tasty.

and i'm almost certain my original recipe is vegan, for those of you who roll that way. those who aren't, it'd be even tastier with egg drop whisked in prior to adding noodles. shrimp would be mighty fine as well.

1 bunch cooked, rinsed, drained soba noodles
2 large cloves garlic
1/4 c. minced sweet onion or shallot (i used shallot)
juice of 1/2 fresh lime (leftover from beers, yo)
soy sauce to taste (no, not half the damn bottle like my mom does)
1/2 tsp. cumin (yeah, i said cumin. don't look at me like that)
sesame seeds, as many as you like (i used lots; about a tbsp.)
1 c. frozen broccoli bitz (yeah you can use fresh)
dash of toasted sesame oil
(recommended additions that i did not have):
1 fresh egg, beaten and whisked in after broccoli turns bright green
fresh slivered / grated ginger
shrimp / prawns / tofu / dry-aged kobe beef / whathaveyou
hot chili oil or thai chili-garlic paste (got both of those, just wasn't in the mood tonight)

to cook soba noodles - drop them into briskly boiling salted water, boil for 3 minutes. immediately drain and rinse / run them under cold water to stop them cooking or they'll go all soggy. leave them in the drainer to dry while you prep the other stuff.

if you have frozen broccoli, nuke it for a minute or 2 first.

heat large wok on medium high heat, add 1 tbsp heat tolerant oil like peanut or safflower. mash garlic and drop with minced onion/shallot into oil, saute/stir briskly. DO NOT BURN THE GARLIC WHILST WATCHING AMERICA'S TOP MODEL, YOU EXQUISITE HEATHENS. add sesame seeds, cumin, lime juice, and soy. if you have fresh ginger, i'd add it now. stir / flip / shake for another 30 seconds / until spice becomes fragrant and sesame toasts up a bit. add broccoli, stirfry until it turns bright green. if you have egg, shrimp, tofu or whathaveyou, add them here.

now add the noodles. it's cruicial at this point that your wok is both hot and oily... o yea baby. soba noodles do better if they're well drained and/or patted dry a bit, but i usually don't bother. slap 'em in kind of ringwise around the broccoli middle and drizzle in some toasted sesame oil. roll 'em around gently, remove from heat and kind of let the noodles integrate with everything else. some sticking is probably going to happen, but if the wok's seasoned properly, it won't be too bad.

stir, serve and enjoy with ice cold beer or sake.