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21 June 2007

Sister update for those of you who've been following this trainwreck.
[More:]She got to the doctor's today and he's given her some anti-depressants (hooray!). She wants instant results. I told her they take time to kick in, and that she might feel nauseous at first but to stick with it. I hope she does. Patience is not one of her strong points.

Now, I found out that the catalyst that appears to have triggered off this breakdown she had was that the deadbeat boyfriend (no job, doesn't drive, 3 kids he doesn't support) MOVED IN three weeks ago, and she doesn't want him there and can't get him to go. She's taken his things back to his mother's, but he phones her every night from the pub and she goes out to pick him up. She was 'scared' of him calling and I said if he calls, just say "I don't want to see you" and end the call. If he comes round, call the police.

But her mindset is that ANY man is better than no man (she's been through this before with husband #4, who was slime). Plus, she is not thinking straight at the moment, and is certainly not fit to be driving anywhere either.

I am so fucking angry at this piece of shit excuse for a man. It's so completely obvious that my sister is ill (her boss said that the deterioration in her physical and mental state, as well as the state of her house make that all too apparent) yet he is leeching off her - she told me he has not given her a penny for food, bills, fuel, etc. or lifted a finger to wash a dish or tidy the house.

It's her birthday next weekend and, if she's up to it, I'll drive up to see her on Friday. If he is still living there when I get there, you can bet your life he won't be by the time I leave. I was a family lawyer for 15 years and I'll have him out of that house before he knows what's happening.
It's good that your sister has some anti-depressants and I really hope she not only starts to take them, but carries on with them if she does feel nauseous. Her boyfriend just seems like all kinds of scum and I really hope that next weekend you can give her the great present of kicking that shithead leach out.
posted by TheDonF 21 June | 14:12
i think you should call the police. It's obvious she needs some rescue but i don't know if you should be the one to do it as she takes you for granted and might not realize how far fucked this all is. Maybe if the police showed up because they were called by a concerned party like an anonymous neighbor *cough cough* but i don't know if they refer women to shelters or suggest abuse counseling there...
posted by ethylene 21 June | 14:18
Go essexjan! See, where are overly protective male relatives when you need them? The dude needs an old-style ass-whupping.

We'll leave what your sister needs for another day, but at least she's making moves towards taking care of herself. Getting to a doctor- at least for me- is a huge step.

Is she "self-medicating" (in California psychobabble speech) with alcohol or anything? Because it'll screw up certain anti-depressants majorly, and then she'll be a bigger mess than she is now. Same with illegal drugs. They need to put a list up somewhere so people can guide their MDs without having to admit to using. [rant] Instead of MDs just saying "well I ASKED if she drank/used drugs before I prescribed [insert contra-indicated anti-depressant]." God, that pisses me off. And the easily accessible literature you run into just says "pot=bad!" or "X=bad." It doesn't say "hey, MAOIs (or whatever) with E will REALLY fuck you up, but E with SSRIs isn't so bad, if you're going to insist. [/rant]
posted by small_ruminant 21 June | 14:26
No, she's not doing anything else s_r. And I am the only relative who's in contact with her.

ethylene, the police won't come unless there's an incident to attend. I can't call her emergency police from here, because calling 999 from here gets me through to Essex police, not Derbyshire, where she lives. She wouldn't go to a shelter, I know, because she has so many dogs and there'd be nobody to take care of them. The good thing is that this arsehole doesn't have a key for her house, so it's up to her to open the door to him. I hope she doesn't.
posted by essexjan 21 June | 14:41
Since jonmc's often volunteered me for barroom hazard duty, I'll speak for him in offering our services as trevanian supermen ready to float the soup and adjust the lad's attitude (and/or dump his body in the fens). You didn't read this, we've never met in our lives, I can't even spell Esex.

Seriously, I'm sorry to hear about this trouble. It's always hard to deal with wayward waywardness, or to find that we don't even really like our loved ones. Hope it works out for the best for everyone involved (except the lad; hope he exits through a window next time he's at the pub or something).
posted by Hugh Janus 21 June | 14:59
Essexjan, do keep talking to your sis on a daily basis. If she starts talkingandtalkingandtalking or if she seems WAYHIGHUPTHERE or super irritable or really Way Too Effen Happy-call her doc immediately. Or at the very least someone reliable who can check on her.

Not to scare you but sometimes that's how the old BP gets diagnosed. Hopefully that won't be an issue but I think anyone who even thinks of trying an AD should be aware and vigilant just in case.
posted by bunnyfire 21 June | 16:21
EJ, you're a good sister even though you don't like her. If I had an asshole freeloader I'd have you kick them out, too! Sound like she has some definite self esteem issues. Best of luck.
posted by chewatadistance 21 June | 16:50
Gah, ej! (I got your email but verizon completely screwed up my phone and dsl; I'm posting this from a kinkos) I guess this falls under to danger to oneself...If she doesn't want this guy calling her, it's up to HER to change her number; if she's threatening to hurt herself: "I'm sorry you're feeling bad, I know we are sisters, but I think that the (doctor, samaritans, counselor at the school where she works, helplines) would be able to help you better than I can." I think this is definitely a serenity prayer issue. YOU COME FIRST!
posted by brujita 21 June | 22:45
essexjan--you are one strong, kind, loving, caring woman. God bless you!
posted by hadjiboy 22 June | 01:11
You're such a good person, essexjan.
posted by gaspode 22 June | 15:19
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