Napping.

But we would never be able to beat the athletes that were part cat.

Freestyle Flatulence.

In the UK darts is seen as a sport and is televised at prime time. Most of the darts players are grossly overweight pissheads. It's like watching Weebles play sport.

Freestyle Flatulence.

You are SO right jon. I have competed in both freestyle and synchronized flatulance. It's so much easier, and I never cease to be amazed how much bigger the prize money is for freesstyle. I think it has to do with the TV ratings.

My freestyle flatulence career ended after a messy double-fault in the national finals.

Does a professional have to actually make a living wage at it? Because, if not, my understanding is that literally anybody can enter professional fishing and cardplaying tournaments. If I had thousands of dollars to throw away, I could become a pro fisherman tomorrow. Whether those things are sports, well, that's another question.

People pay me to play bridge with them. Does that make me a professional bridge player? Because screw "scientist", that's what I'm telling people from now on.

Bowling, maybe. Though it is harder than it looks. Or beach volleyball. Both seem to involve beer.

A close friend from my 20s is now a professional Disc Golfer. As I understand it, 'pro' it means you've joined the pro association and that you compete in professional competitions with qualifying elites for monetary prizes. He's won several thousand dollars this way over the year. My understanding of 'professional' athleticism was always that the difference is pros do it for prize money, and hence it's a side job and they've got to declare it as such in their taxes. Amateurs are those who take part in contests that don't have monetary prizes. There's no necessary assocition with making a living wage - just making money at it and being able to qualify for contests with cash prizes.

In the UK darts is seen as a sport and is televised at prime time. Most of the darts players are grossly overweight pissheads. It's like watching Weebles play sport.

The obligatory video

Okay, so there are quite a few sports where, to be a 'professional,' all you need is cash. So which one's cheapest?

The farting one.

Well, yeah, sure, if you've got sponsors.

You don't even need food to participate. Just swallow a lot of air.

Breathing.

i always thought golf would be pretty easy...you know, but darts...yeah, darts.

oh and the night before a flatulence competition...drink beer until you can't drink anymore beer, then go right to bed...not only will your outgassings be plentiful, but also powerful...oh, god, don't i know.

A few years back, the New Yorker (I think it was) had an article on this obscure form of indoor tennis that had, like twelve players worldwide.

If you can become the thirteenth ranked player in the world just by showing up and learning the rules and playing, this has to be the easiest sport in which to go pro.

It's incredibly hard to become a professional golfer and you need a lot of talent to even make the also-ran and never-was ranks. The sport is very prescribed, too, so you can't consider yourself a professional unless you are officially designated so by the PGA. You can, however, be barred as an amateur because the amateur association considers you a professional without being recognised as a professional by the PGA, meaning you are unable to play in any competition. Twats.

Motor racing is probably the easiest (if not cheapest) path to professional sport. You can become a professional simply by having your own company sponsor you to race a car and hey presto! you are a professional race car driver.

Really, the trick is to find a sport where there is no official distinction between amateur and professional and you just need to declare yourself a professional. There is no need to make any money or win any competitions and if you want to make it really official, just declare it as your occupation on your tax return.