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31 May 2007

As a take off from the 'Hey Mecha Ladies..' →[More:] what do you call your man parts? I've heard of guys 'naming' their johnsons, but that always struck me as really weird. That and I could never come up with a good one.
post by: jonmc at: 12:28 | 48 comments
(not competing, we just need something to do)
posted by jonmc 31 May | 12:31
As said in that thread. . .due to Seinfeld reruns, I have taken to calling them "my guys."
posted by danf 31 May | 12:33
Johnson, cock, dick, penis, mutant sausage overlord... Balls, nuts, Kibble & bits... Depends on the circumstances. But I've never anthropomorphised my body parts. Although, now that I think of it, I kind of like "The dick with no name." It could mean so many things!
posted by It's Raining Florence Henderson 31 May | 12:36
I've always hated the word 'dick,' for the penis. It seems so...stupid.
posted by jonmc 31 May | 12:37
But I've never anthropomorphised my body parts.

Seconded.
posted by BoringPostcards 31 May | 12:39
My Little Pony, My Little Pony
What will today's adventure be?
My Little Pony, My Little Pony
Will there be exciting sights to see?
Where will you wander? Hither and yonder
Letting your heart be your guide!
My Little Pony, My Little Pony
I'll be there right by your side
I'll be there right by your side
posted by danostuporstar 31 May | 12:40
I kind of like "The dick with no name." It could mean so many things!

But have you been through the desert on it?
posted by jonmc 31 May | 12:40
The phallocentric hegemon
posted by Capn 31 May | 12:41
I've always hated the word 'dick,' for the penis. It seems so...stupid.


Agreed. Ironically, I only use that word to deanthropomorphise a wannabe-human male.
posted by It's Raining Florence Henderson 31 May | 12:42
I usually just call it the kielbasa.
posted by puke & cry 31 May | 12:43
But have you been through the desert on it?


It felt good to be out of the Henderson Rain.
posted by It's Raining Florence Henderson 31 May | 12:44
Alternately "The Problem"
posted by Capn 31 May | 12:46
p&c: that's a thought, but I'm not Polish. I'm half-Irish but I'm not about to call it 'white pudding,' I'm also half-Italian, so maybe 'braciole..'
posted by jonmc 31 May | 12:47
It's only a wee wee
So what's the big deal?
It's only a wee wee
So what's all the fuss?

It's only a wee wee
And everyone's got one
There's better things to discuss.

-Peter Alsop, the GREAT alternative to Raffi
posted by danf 31 May | 12:48
Eh, it's the engine that drives us, dude. I sometimes wish it wasn't but...
posted by jonmc 31 May | 12:55
Alternately "The Problem"

How about "The Solution"?
posted by puke & cry 31 May | 12:56
Thanks for asking. I usually go with "Captain Coitus and the Smothers Brothers" or "The Trifecta Four" (the fourth is their combined power).

I'm assuming women generally don't name their stuff, right?
posted by Hellbient 31 May | 12:58
Eh, it's the engine that drives us, dude.

Hmm, so the cars on the Flintstones were metaphors then? Everytime Fred left the house he was 'going out' on Wilma?
posted by danostuporstar 31 May | 12:58
Look at it this way, if there were no women (or men, for the gay guys) to impress, would we ever do much of anything besides the bare minnimum for survival or whatever felt good at the time?
posted by jonmc 31 May | 13:00
I wasn't disagreeing with you or anything...I just like the image of Fred's tinkle toes when he's bowling as a symbol for the kitty killer.
posted by danostuporstar 31 May | 13:04
This thread is usele.... OW!! Who did that?
posted by iconomy 31 May | 13:33
I'm assuming women generally don't name their stuff, right?

For a while I called my cooter "Georgia" as in "Georgia O'Keefe". Because it amused me. And I think most people already know what I call my breasts...
posted by Specklet 31 May | 13:35
Georgia O'Queef?
posted by It's Raining Florence Henderson 31 May | 13:38
i call it my south mouth. which i didn't think was that gross but everyone else does. hmm.
posted by Mrs.Pants 31 May | 13:40
Okay, one of the frightening legacies of my crazy ex was that she named BOTH of our parts... mine was Ozzie, and hers was Harriet, which has negatively affected the way I think of the Nelson Family as well as the Osbourne Family and the country of Australia AND the Land of Oz.
posted by wendell 31 May | 13:51
im in ur thread, talkin about ur penis
posted by mudpuppie 31 May | 13:52
How about "Southern Cum Fort"?

and for that, I am sorry...

What about boobs, are they worth naming?
posted by Hellbient 31 May | 13:55
No nicknames here. Depending on the setting, I might call it my penis, my cock, my dick.
posted by tr33hggr 31 May | 14:16
How about "The Solution"?

I don't know about The Solution, but one of my classmates named his "The Cure". :)
posted by halonine 31 May | 14:17
Well, that explains the hair dye and mascara, but what about the little beret?
posted by box 31 May | 14:20
In Soviet Russia, penis names YOU!
posted by Doohickie 31 May | 14:56
*Said in a loud booming monster truck announcer voice*
The inch and a half of INERT MADNESS!!!!
posted by miles 31 May | 15:04
I called it "my Satanic possession" until I burned it off last night with a blowtorch.
posted by Hugh Janus 31 May | 15:27
nth'ing what IRFH said.

I'm boring. Dick & nuts/balls, the standard nonscientific classifications.

However, I can't think of any time when I'd really have to refer to them specifically. Let's say I have a close call with my bicycle seat. When telling the tale to my friend, I would most likely say "I nearly destroyed my junk while biking today."

My friends and I have also adopted Dane Cook's terminology, referring to the whole area as a "situation." This is used mainly for humor.
posted by CitrusFreak12 31 May | 15:49
I was watching some plastic-surgery reality show in which a woman had a big pouch of skin above her pubic mound that she wanted removed. The doctor kept referring to it euphemistically as "her area" while sometimes making slightly odd vague hand gestures toward his genitals. Which just really cracked me up.

So I occasionally think of both male and female parts as "the area."
posted by occhiblu 31 May | 15:54
Lord Mountbatten
posted by Divine_Wino 31 May | 15:54
The Commander of the Faithful
posted by Hugh Janus 31 May | 15:57
Mr Happy.
posted by seanyboy 31 May | 16:15
Your Valentine's Day Present.
posted by Capn 31 May | 16:16
Mr Happy.

Hee hee! That's the name I gave... the, uh cock I keep in my nightstand drawer.
posted by Specklet 31 May | 17:27
Banana Joe, yo...
posted by black8 31 May | 18:12
I've always hated the term "Johnson", as it's my last name and all.

Some past tags:

The Iguana
The Hog (with an accompanying Hog Enrichment Dance)
The Bane of my Existence

and,

"Stu".

posted by Lipstick Thespian 31 May | 18:21
General. It salutes and most salute back, if they know what's good for them.
posted by terrapin 31 May | 18:39
Not...your privates, terrapin?
posted by tangerine 31 May | 18:42
speckles - you have a cock in your nightstand? That's really fucked up and gross.

Anyway, I just remembered another for mine: Jeremiah and the Jizm Twosome.
posted by Hellbient 31 May | 19:42
That's really fucked up and gross. nsfw-ish.
posted by danostuporstar 31 May | 23:11
haha, that's hilarious, dano.
posted by Hellbient 01 June | 00:57
My lead singer and backup. I'm on drums.
posted by chillmost 01 June | 01:51
← Cool cat but $22,000? Plus shipping? || gaspode in SF →

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