Wha... what'd I do?

*lip quivers*

My bad dude.

Yeah. We're going to need you to come in this weekend.

Tell 'em, brother!

And fuck you, shithead streetworkers who start jackhammering at six-thirty because you resent the sleeping neighborhood and its much-needed rest. If I wasn't nursing a sore throat I'd be down on the street but I don't think I can stab you in the chest without a war cry, and my throat is just too sore today, so count yourself lucky, you big strong pile of dogshit, and don't be surprised when you come back tomorrow morning only to leave work really early with a gaping hole in your chest and frothy pink blood bubbling on your lips.

That 6:30 shit's gotta be against the law, and if it isn't, I'm taking my knife to the legislature.

ARGHHHH. BLOODY RUSSIAN PROGRAMMERS. WHY DID YOU STEAL THE NAME OF A DIFFERENT BACKUP SOFTWARE COMPANY AND MARKET A CLONE PRODUCT FROM DOMAIN.NET INSTEAD OF DOMAIN.COM. WHICH I PURCHASED AND WHICH I RUN ON MY MAIN DEVELOPMENT MACHINE. NOW I HAVE TWO MACHINES USING YOUR SOFTWARE, AND THE POSSIBILITY THAT YOU HAVE THE PASSWORDS FOR SEVERAL OF OUR FTP ACCOUNTS AND ACCESS TO OUR SOURCE CODE. PLUS, GOD ONLY KNOWS WHAT OTHER NASTIES YOU'VE GOT ON MY MACHINE. FOR ME TO PUT THIS RIGHT IS GONNA TAKE THE BETTER PART OF A DAY AND I'M BUSY RIGHT NOW.

I ONLY THANK GOD THAT WHEN I REPORTED THAT BUG AND YOU ASKED ME FOR ACCESS TO THE FTP ACCOUNT, I CREATED A SPECIAL ACCOUNT JUST FOR YOU.

I HAVE CRAFT SYNDROME. CAN'T REMEMBER A FUCKING THING. I PUT FOUR SPLENDAS IN MY COFFEE INSTEAD OF TWO. YOU THINK I WOULD REMEMBER THAT ONE SECOND BEFORE I ALREADY ADDED SPLENDA.

ALSO TO THE HOSPITAL: PLEASE STOP CALLING ME EVERY SINGLE FUCKING MORNING AT THE CRACK OF DAWN. I DO NOT WANT TO WORK ON MY DAYS OFF. I'M NOT COMING IN TO "HELP OUT". IF IT WERE A SANE ASSIGNMENT I MAY COME IN. NO. ACTUALLY I WOULDN'T. I'M NOT REALLY JUMPING AT THE CHANCE TO TAKE CARE OF PEOPLE WHO ARE GOING THROUGH DT'S IN FIVE-POINT LEATHER RESTRAINTS THAT ALSO HAVE NECROTIZING FASCIITIS. OKAY, I'M EXAGGERATING, BUT NOT BY MUCH. IF I WANTED TO WORK MORE I WOULD HAVE TAKEN THE HIGHER RATE. HIRE MORE NURSES OR SOMETHING. OR, TO THE SUPERVISORS THAT SIT ON THE PHONE ALL DAY BEGGING PEOPLE TO COME IN: TAKE SOME PATIENTS. AND WHEN I COME IN NEXT WEEK TO TAKE TWO DAYS OF ACLS. PLEASE TRY TO MAKE IT QUICK AND INTERESTING. FOR THE LOVE OF GOD, WE DON'T NEED AN HOUR FOR LUNCH. JUST GET IT OVER WITH. AND TO THINK I WENT BACK TO WORK BECAUSE I WAS BORED. WOW, I SOUND LIKE SUCH A COMPLAINER.

Can you fix a sucking chest wound?

I CAN'T HEAR YOU!

If you find yourself with a sucking chest wound slap some vaseline on a piece of gauze or paper towel and tape it up. Or stick a Dixie cup in it, whichever is easier. Oh wait. I just remembered. A Dixie cup is used to stabilize a pen that has been stabbed into the trachea.

Damn, I was hoping to give this jackhammer guy a sucking chest wound, thinking that there was no chance of recovery. It turns out it can be fixed with ordinary masturbation supplies. Maybe I can throw a four-ton block of granite on him from my roof. Is that survivable?

I think the granite will do the trick. It's a crap shoot though, people have survived worse things. If you want to make sure the job is done right the first time, seize the jackhammer and drill his skull. That should do it.

Awesome, you're a lifesaver!

hee.

PEOPLE THIS IS A SHOUTING THREAD YOU MUST SHOUT

I told you, I have a sore throat. I've created a monster.

HEE.

THERE CAN BE NO SHOUTING THREAD WITHOUT THE SHOUTING!

MY LOVER IS JUST AVOIDING ME WITHOUT TELLING ME SHE WANTS SOME SPACE, AGAIN! I CAN'T PUT UP WITH THIS SHIT ANYMORE! I REALLY CAN'T! IT'S BEEN GOING ON ON AND OFF FOR THE PAST TWO YEARS, AND I'M TOO SENSITIVE TO CONTINUE ON LIKE THIS! BUT PROVIDENCE GALS ARE MOSTLY DISINTERESTING TO ME, AND, BEYOND THAT, I'M NO FUCKING GOOD AT SOCIALISING!

DAMMIT, WOMAN!

Hey, that feels a little better.