No, you aren't the only one. That ask me post made me laugh. I rather think I'll write a story about it, something featuring the line "I have been to the happiest place on earth, and it ruined my life."

Disney

I have been pushed around a miniature world
with sugar fed children whilst
the fun-fair horror of a broken army of
tiny stereotypes remind me it
is indeed a small, small, world.

I have climbed the tallest tower
in that realm. The stained glass picturama counterpoints
nothing. Prince meets princess meets prince
meets princess. Swords are held aloft, emaciated
limbs are crushed into ballgown pinks
and powder blues.

I have been to the house up on the hill.
A teenager pressed a button and expressed
a mild form of bored suprise. An animatronic
skeletal arm was waved at me. Underneath
the floor, a hum of circuitry. Each convuluted
instruction repeated every 30 seconds
from 8:30am to 7.00pm.
At the half way point a head pops out.
A three year old girl begins to cry.
The cogs retract, spin round again.

I have been to the happiest place on earth.
Have ridden each ride,
have spun my teacup round and round and round,
have been reminded that I must be this high.

I have stood in line,
have lost the contents
of my pockets
during a trip to the moon.

I have sent specially stamped postcards.
“Everyone is happy” I write
and the front of the card expresses
nothing more than this. A fat headed
pirate waves. Sand shudders out
from Tinkerbell’s tiny, ever present wand.

I’ve never been but like you I’m strongly prejudiced against it. Most Disney product gives me the shudders, and I can’t imagine ever wanting to seek it out in more concentrated form. I dont’t have children though, so my resolve has not been tested against that of an insistent five-year-old…

You know you're an adult when the thought of spending time at Disneyland sounds like torture. It's for kids, and limited adults.

I couldn't believe that post was real until I checked his previous AskMe posts, and found one asking about an upcoming Disneyland trip. Everything about it just screamed parody: "regular world just doesn't hold its sparkle", "keep that warmth and happiness with us", and particularly the mind-boggling "what's left in life that can really compare".

I think if my (hypothetical) kids expressed interest in Disneyland, they'd be lucky not to be put up for adoption.

Orange Swan, I guess I've been an adult forever.

Did you write that poem, seanyboy?

I remember being a kid and wanting to go so badly. I was jealous of my friends and cousins who did get to go. Now it sounds like a series of panic attacks waiting to happen. I dislike being in fake environments, those weirdo malls in the States are an example, the ones where it's made to look like a European street except it's too clean and there is music being pumped out of the plants? And they have valet parking? Yeah, those places give me the creeps. And the crazy-overpriced everything. And I might actually have a Howard Hues style panic attack when the mascot dealies touched me, think of the crap that must be on those mitts! I think Disneyworld is my hell.

Even as a kid, I strongly disliked Disney stuff. And then several years ago, I was forced to spend close to a week in Disneyworld--a big professional organization in my field decided to hold their annual meeting there, and I was committed to attend and do some presentations and workshops.

It. Was. HELL. Especially because I didn't have a rental car, and hence was essentially trapped on-site. I mostly survived because I discovered the gift shop (at which you could buy Micky-themed breath mints, tissues, etc. etc.) also had bottles of (NON-Micky-themed) Jack Daniels, hidden behind the counter. When the day's meetings were over, I would take my bottle down to a bench beside the artificial lake, glower at the people going down the waterslide and shrieking, and drink.

I was not exposed to disneytoxin as a kid, so I really have no childhood-flashbacks when I see Mickey or Donald or whoever. In a way, I kind of feel sorry for people who do; I guess they're having fun of a sort, but it seems fairly hollow to me. I enjoy the Disney movies I've seen, but I have no inclination to visit a park featuring those characters simply so I can be parted from my money.

I love theme parks (esp. rollercoasters) in general, but Disney World is a little too hermetically sealed- you feel suffocated by the extreme degree of control taken on EVERY. SINGLE. THING. you see and hear.

Other theme parks have a looser feel, and therefore, more fun to me.

I could like the theme parks if they could eliminate the kids. This is probably why I enjoy Vegas so much; it is THE kid-unfriendliest place I know. I used to like being around kids, but then I had one of my own.

"... It's for kids, and limited adults."
posted by Orange Swan 28 May

Good theory, OS, but kids never manage to save up the ticket price.

I can't get into the Disney "magic," myself, and feel like the unchurched curmudgeon I must seem to all who do, whenever I'm called upon to recommend the place, much less go with some one coming from far away, who may be trying to wangle an invitation to stay at my house on the way down. But my mother loved the place. So, for her sake, I went on her dime, and made nice, a time or two, along with the rest of the family, and my sister's kids.

My recommendation? If your mother wants to take you to Disneyland, go (whatever your age and station), and smile the whole time, especially in the pictures they're bound to have others take. It's little enough payback to give them, for all they've done for you, and it's another 3-figure "treat" they're trying to give you.

The thought of spending even a minute near a Disney theme park sounds like torture to me.

We would go occasionally when I was a kid. I never enjoyed it much, for most of the reasons listed above - the artificiality of the whole place creeped me out. I get nervous in large crowds, too, which didn't help.

My parents went just last year with another couple who they're friendly with, and they actually enjoyed themselves. I didn't ask too many details, but I think a lot of liquor was involved.

Then, they have this other set of friends. We've known them since I was a wee lad. The family drives (from New Jersey) to Disney World every. single. year. This is the one vacation they take and they never deviate from it. They own a Disney time share. Two weeks every summer they're in Florida hobnobbing with guys in big foam suits. I have no idea how they are still sane.

Oh, one other Disney experience I forgot about. In high school, we had a competition that was held on Disney property (Epcot's parking lot, actually). As part of the trip we all got passes to the parks, so after the days' events were through we'd go wild. Being 16 with no supervision inside Disney? That was actually pretty fun. Of course, we were all geeks so the monorail and this robotic trash can we saw were probably the most interesting parts of the park.

To me, Disneyworld is one of those things you should see once, but I couldn't imagine going back.

I went to a conference at Disneyworld and one night they had a party at Epcot. It was closed to the public and they had booths every 30 feet or so that had beer/wine and snacks for free. No kids. Only a fraction of the number of people are there normally so there were no lines or crowds. It wasn't too bad but did get old quick.

I don't see having kids anytime soon, but if I did have kids, I'd probably take them... once. But there are so many other places to go on the planet that are a lot less fake.

You are not the only one.

My high school band marched in the parade at Disney World when I was fifteen. It was fun getting on the bus in the middle of the night and riding down to Florida from Connecticut. Disney insisted the music be memorized, though, and, while we started strong, we kind of flubbed the last song or two. They had our high school name printed on an upright bass drum, though, which was cool. I remember being a bit thrown when Mickey took his head off backstage, and he was a she (I don't know why it didn't occur to me; they needed someone small and all). It is bizarre how, in that heat, they won't let any of their performers show skin. Any girl in a "skimpy" looking costume or seemingly bare-chested man is really wearing some kind of skin-toned nylon leotard. They must roast in those things. It was a hundred degrees when our band was there, and we had these red blazers and turtlenecks (or dickies) to wear. My friend Beth and I stocked up on fries with lots of salt and a gallon of soda before we marched.

It was fun back then, I must say, probably because I was with a whole group from high school and all, and we didn't just stay at Disney World; we did the whole Orlando experience, with Sea World and Wet 'n' Wild, which was a blast (water parks rule... at least, back when I could fit in my bathing suit they did). (Plus, a cute boy asked me to his prom after that trip.) But when I went back a few years later, on winter break from college, I swear I had a near nervous breakdown it was so disorienting. It happened when my then boyfriend and I were walking through those various "international" sections in Epcot, I think it was. I suddenly felt like I just had to get out of there. We were supposed to get something to eat, and I just rushed him through with this crazy-eyed look on my face. Weird.

I'd probably go now, if I won a free trip or something. I do love rides, and they have some cool rides. But I prefer straight-up theme parks like Great Adventure, with the huge roller coasters (and no parades). I wouldn't mind going to Universal Studios with that Hulk coaster that launches you and all. That looks like a blast, and Jon would probably like the virtual reality rides (he doesn't like heights).

my, I'm chatty today

I've lived one hour from Orlando for my entire life. I've been to the Magic Kingdom three times. Once as a kid, once for Grad Nite in my senior night of high-school, and once with my kids. My older son says he never wants to go back. That gives me a feeling of joy. I think he was afraid of the rides, and will probably want to go back soon. I never badmouth Disney, especially in front of the kids, but I will die a happy woman if I never have to go back.

I have been to Epcot once or twice, and MGM once. And Bush Gardens and Universal (not Disney). Theme parks aren't my thing, but I like Bush Gardens the best. I like roller coasters and Bush Gardens has good ones. I'll probably go to Islands of Adventure when the kids are older.

The Magic Kingdom is the worst of the bunch if you ask me. Maybe I'm spoiled or jaded, but it's not that great. It's torture actually. Long lines, high prices, outdated rides and attractions.

I saw the question on AskMe yesterday. I composed a big post about how vacation is always magical to me, no matter where I go. Arriving home to reality is boring. I never want to go leave my vacation spot. I loved Las Vegas the first couple times I went --I wanted to live there. I didn't post because the post wasn't that coherent, or helpful.

Did you know that the Swedes love Donald Duck? There are Donald Duck television specials that come on every Christmas.

e/j: I did write it. I had to write something ASAP and citizen premier's line "I have been to the happiest place on earth, and it ruined my life." inspired me.

So I thought I'd share what I'd written.

It's a grand poem, seanyboy.

I am the same age as the Original Disneyland, and a Southern California resident since the age if 5.5, so annual trips to The Magic Kingdom were an Official Family Ritual. The Matterhorn Bobsleds were the best coaster ride in town until rival park Magic Mountain got coaster-obsessed. Pirates of the Caribbean the Ride was a fun trip the first ten times, the Haunted Mansion was even better, and the old skool Mr. Toad's Wild Ride was still cool. Tomorrowland was always up to date with what was supposed to be the future. The Enchanted Tiki Room was like Trader Vics without my father drinking. Main Street USA had a Magic shop with stuff I couldn't find in the San Fernando Valley, and I started my personal obsession with hats at The Mad Hatter's. You had to tolerate the boring Jungle Boats and the annoying Small World because they were part of the Disneyland Experience. But if I'd ever had the chance, I would've just ridden the Monorail around the park over and over and over. I haven't been back there since Space Mountain opened (and that's a long time) and I kind of miss it, but I know, like every other return to a place I remember, it would NOT be the same. It wasn't the Happiest Place on Earth, but it was well above average for me growing up.

Also... I just avoided the costumed characters; I got hugged the first time (age 6) by Dopey the Dwarf and never got over it.

Did you know that the Swedes love Donald Duck? There are Donald Duck television specials that come on every Christmas.

He’s known as Kalle Anka (‘Charlie Duck’) in Sweden. It’s become traditional for Swedes to exchange gifts after watching the Kalle Anka special on Christmas Eve.

I grew up near Disneyland and I like it. I visited it yearly when I was young (relatives from out of town often asked my family to take them). I didn't go much for several years but since college I've visited almost every year.

The costume characters are usually surrounded by kids so they can't really hug you even if they intend to. Some of my friends have played those characters. It's just a job.

Disney theme parks try to be "happy" places and I appreciate that. I also like screaming at the start of the Pirates of the Caribbean ride because tourists don't know that it's not a scary ride. They start screaming too. :) Then they laugh.

Don't feel bad if you don't like crowds, artificial landscaping, or the chance that a character might touch you. It's fine to feel that way.
It can be hard to understand the enthusiasm of some Disney fans, but that can be true of any kind of fan.

I guess I'll have to be the dissenting voice:

[on preview: I guess I'm not the only one :)]

I grew up in Southern California and visited Disneyland every two or three years while growing up. I loved loved loved the place. For me it was total escapism from my unhappy childhood. Disneyland was clean, fun, happy, beautiful, interesting - everything my life wasn't. The last time I visited was 1994 and I know it's really changed since then.

I don't want to go back to Disneyland, but I really really really want to visit Disneyworld (and the other Disney parks, especially Animal Kingdom). I keep whining to the mister that we need to go (he went to Orlando once for a conference but didn't visit the park). I think he'd have a really good time and I know I would.

I can imagine no worse hell than spending time in any of the massive theme parks.

I have gone to Epcot, once. I hate and detest Disney. DETEST.

Bush Gardens is cool. If you gotta go to a theme park, they're not a bad one to visit.

I have to admit the situation in the askme post happened to my family on our first trip. We all cried the day we left, even my stoic father. Seriously. I think part of it, for my parents, is that I could be quite a tyrannical little brat on vacations. I don't know why -- perhaps it was a passive-aggressive thing -- but whereas I was normally a well-behaved and mild mannered and polite child, I turned positively evil as soon we arrived at our destination. Ugh, my poor parents.

So, anyway, the point is that I was so overwhelmed by, yes, the "magic," that I was probably a very nice and happy little kid, for once.

As far as the "magic" goes, don't knock it until you've tried the Haunted Mansion.

I don't get it, either. My kids would love it, but it would be like torture to me.

I've been a couple of times, when I was a kid, and then again as a teenager. I'm pretty sure I could go right now, with my husband, and find it fun for a few hours. For me, it's neither a dream nor a nightmare; it just seems too... insignificant... for that. It doesn't confirm my worst fears about people, any more than Hard Rock Cafe, or Hooters, or Graceland, or the Crystal Cathedral (whatever it's called... not looking it up), or any one of a multitude of fantasy outlets that cater to trying to simulate some atmosphere or moment that has reliably inspired feelings of awe/wonder/thrill.

Essentially, I think, all art, music, theater, literature, cinema, etc. is basically about the same thing - the ability to capture human imagination for a moment and, sometimes, to extract some emotional, physical, or intellectual response. I'm not a fan of theme parks, titty restaurants, Christian playgrounds, aging rocker palaces, malls... whatever, but on the other hand, I deeply enjoy (and am sometimes touched and inspired by) some things that some others would sneer at as low/middlebrow.

For example, and to stay on theme, I would be thrilled now (and always was) to go to one of those travelling fair/carnival things and ride the most hackneyed "tunnel of love and/or horror" rides, have my fortune told, kiss on the ferris wheel, gobble corndogs and cotton candy and wander blissfully under the starry night sky amidst all that deliciously lurid light, color, sound and motion. This was ever a thousand times more exciting than Disneyworld to me - but how is it really different, except in the amount of corporate money and sophistication thrown at the enterprise?

Did you know that the Swedes love Donald Duck? There are Donald Duck television specials that come on every Christmas.

Oh, I didn't know that! I had no idea that the Duck hasd such a strong presenece in Swedish pop culture. (My ancestors are from Sweden.)

I've been to DWorld twice, once when I was in my late teens, with my then 10 year old brother and other family, once when my son was @ 7. I was acutely aware of how much, as part of the crowd, I was being managed. It costs a fortune, and you get to wait in line about 1/3 to 1/2 the time. But, it's clean, well-organized, safe, the rides are great, and parts of the park are beautiful. They spend a lot of time figuring out how to deliver a great experience.

It's such an artificial environment I can't imagine wanting to live there. I really hate the marketing machine, and won't buy Disney branded stuff. Actually, I hate to buy any branded stuff. I think what really gets me is the extent to which all the fun is delivered, and very little is participatory.

I'm a wicked bleeding heart liberal, and I'm too aware of the politics of Disney - they own the government in Orlando, and probably Florida. It's safe, probably because they care about safety, as well as liablity, but they are exempt from a lot of safety laws. The entire passive entertainment industry makes me want to go ride my bike. Hmm, still plenty of light out. seeya.

My mom grew up in Southern California, so when we were kids (think mid-60's through early-70's), we would often spend part of each summer visiting my grandparents (and various aunts, uncles, cousins, etc.). Along with numerous trips to the beach, part of the ritual was going to Disneyland (and occasionally Knotts Berry Farm, too.) I can say that enjoyed it immensely. The Pirates of the Carribean, the Haunted Mansion, that one ride sponsored by Monsanto (the name of which escapes me now) in which the riders were "shrunk" to the size of an atom... it was all fun. Yeah, we got stuck in It's A Small World and heard that song way too many times (to the point where I heard it in my sleep for about a week afterwards), but that about the only remotely bad experience we had there.

I've only been back to D-land once as an adult, with a group of friends on our way to Arizona. It was OK. The 12-year-old cousin of one of my friends kinda latched onto me, so I showed him around from memory. (The shrinking ride was replaced by Space Mountain, which was cool in its own right.) Aside from having to wait in line for some of the rides, it was kinda fun. I don't know that I'd go out of my way to go there now - unless we have kids at some point - but it really wasn't all that bad. And I say that as someone who can't stand crowds.

We've taken the girl twice. Both times in Sept. when the park is pretty much empty--no crowds, no lines. I understand every argument against the place. They're all valid. But the truth is that there is nothing more fun than seeing your kid totally blissed out and there is no place better at blissing out kids than DW. Looking up at her, perched on her Daddy's shoulders, watching the fireworks over Cinderella's Castle was so awesome that I still tear up thinking about it.

Since going there, she's asked to see the real Eiffel Tower (like the one at Epcot), go on a real safari (like the one at Animal Kingdom) and visit Neuschwanstein (the model for Cinderella's castle). I hope we do.

i didn't get it until i went. The first time i was an extreme jaded 17 year old and it was my parents idea of a family vacation with me and my brother. As cynical as i was, i was impressed with the grandeur and level of detail, Mickey Mouse shaped butter sculpture and rides with a sky and a smell? Whoa. There was a candy sculptor in the Japan part of Epcot (we only went to Epcot and i think Universal) and a belly dancer in the restaurant in Morocco and fireworks every night. Quite the spectacle.
Then i went twice in college, where, i have to say without repeating myself, it is an awesome place to wake up from a tequila bender and find yourself tripping after heavily protesting the first gulf war.
Not everyone appreciates hearing anti Bush sentiments coming from the SkyTram and i've come to think screaming "Mom" from up there isn't the nicest thing.

yes, you are the only one. sorry, but disneyworld is tres cool, uber fun, and before i went i thought it could never be like that. well, except they are a little funny about making you keep your shirt on, even when it is 100 degrees in the shade, and there is precious little of that....

Eh, I went to DisneyWorld and EPCOT as a kid; wouldn't ever go back.

But I will share this with you - a story out of a biography of Walt Disney, regarding Snow White.

Apparently, the movie premiered on B'way (or maybe in Times Square) in the 1930s, so there was on of those kinda triangular marquees jutting out from the theater over the sidewalk. To liven things up, they hired seven midgets in costume to caper, frolic, and gambol on top of the marquee. Around lunchtime, someone gets a box full of sandwiches (with a few pints of whiskey slipped into it) up a ladder to the little performers.

By midafternoon, there were seven drunken midgets bare-assed nude and conducting a game of craps on top of the marquee. A crowd gathered; authorities were called. The cops had to get ladders, bag the wee naked fuckers in pillow cases, and haul them down the ladders.

So I really wish I'd been able to witness that. ;)

It's Busch Gardens. I'm normally not the nitpicky type, but that one bothers me for some reason. I am an annual Busch Gardens season ticket holder. I live close enough that this weekend I'm going up for an hour or two to ride the new rollercoaster before the park opens to the public. Gonna be great.

As for Disney, eh. Not a huge fan of the parks, but the cruise was fantastic.

My brother and family won a trip to the one in Cali last summer, and everyone really enjoyed it. Of course, my brother's enjoyment of it was all based on how much my nephew liked it, and so he liked the theme dinners the best, where Disney characters serve you and entertain the kids. My nephew was entertained by it, and so my brother and sister-in-law liked it. Plus they got to visit West Coast relatives on Disney's dime.

Me, I liked Busch Gardens (The Old Country) and King's Dominion. King's Dominion had the edge on rides (The Rebel Yell is an ass-kickingly long wooden ride) but Busch Gardens always promised a trip to Williamsburg and Jamestown (I liked Jamestown better than Williamsburg). I always thought, Amusement parks are kind of lame. Shouldn't there be living history nearby?

I have a pal who worked for several years at Disneyland before I met him. He's got stories, hooo boy.

I envy him this, however - It was great training for being an IT consultant. After years with the Mouse, no client temper tantrum, unreasonable deadline, nor capricious changeorder can crack the smile. Nothing. The man is utterly impervious to shit being slug at him. It simply bounces off the happiest place on earth. Amazing.