MetaChat - Ever find yourself channelling your own funeral?

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10 May 2007

Ever find yourself channelling your own funeral? Soon I have to convert some of my house's basement apartment light fixtures to recessed light fixtures because of the low ceiling. Whenever I think about doing this, I seem to hear the conversation at my funeral...

→[More:]Isn't it funny that after all [Orange Swan] went through to get her house, it should have killed her. You're right, [Orange Swan] would have been the first to get the irony. Hey, these canapés are great. Does anyone know who's getting the cordless drill she just bought before she died? Oh, it got fried along with her, huh? That's a real shame. Try the ones with the olives; they're amazing. Well what about that cranberry bouclé afghan she knitted for her guest room?

post by: Orange Swan at: 22:36 | 24 comments

I don't want a funeral. Just wrapme in newspapers and throw me in the river.

posted by jonmc 10 May | 22:41

Just wrapme in newspapers and throw me in the river.

Do you have any idea what kind of noxious chemicals that would release? I'm not polluting the river with your corpse, jonmc. I can see it now, months after being dumped, still in pristine condition... hundreds of years from now, after World War III, all that remains are cockroaches, styrofoam, and jonmc's body.

That's actually much cooler than I originally intended it to be.

I don't think I've ever thought about my own funeral before. We'll see what happens in the future though.

posted by CitrusFreak12 10 May | 22:50

Oh I think about my funeral all the time. I planned it all before I had my surgery the other month. As to what people would say? Probably much like my wedding: "she never took his name? no wonder she died!"

posted by gaspode 10 May | 22:58

Wanting to know what happens at my funeral is one reason I hope there's an afterlife.

And that reminds me that there's another AskMecha post I've been wanting to ..er.. post.

posted by deborah 10 May | 23:02

I have done this. Usually when I am feeling depressed. It usually makes me realise that, most likely, nobody would turn up, which just makes me more depressed.

When I die, burn my body and throw the ashes in the ocean. Don't put up any stupid memorial, either (as if anyone would) - if you remember me at all, remember me in your heart.

posted by dg 10 May | 23:25

Whenever talk of funerals comes up I always bring up my wish that was once a joke, but is now a real request. I want my wife to cremate me and put my ashes in a pair of maracas, and then leave them on the coffee table. Who doesn't want to shake maracas when they see them?

posted by Slack-a-gogo 10 May | 23:38

I want my body to be dropped naked from a helicopter into the deepest wild depths of Northern BC, where I will become a bare bear brunch.

Also, there are old electricians and there are bold electricians, but there are no old, bold electricians. Ensure your breakers are off! Green ground, white is good, black death, red hurts. Unless it's a single-fixture loop circuit, in which case white is also dangerous. Never, ever make green a hot line. Simple circuit diagramming is a Good Thing, as is wire-tagging for future reference.

posted by Five Fresh Fish 10 May | 23:45

When planning your funeral, it's important to remember that yours is the only opinion in the room that doesn't count. It's your party, but it's not a party for you.

posted by ColdChef 11 May | 00:17

Ha! Very well put, ColdChef.

posted by CitrusFreak12 11 May | 00:41

Oh I gotta meetin with Bogman Jon, Bogman Jon, Bogman Jon,

Oh I gotta meetin with Bogman Jon, down by the riverside, O.

His skin turned black and his hair turned pale, O
Skin turned black and his hair turned pale, O
A real live 21st century male, O
Down by the river with Bogman Jon.

posted by ikkyu2 11 May | 03:02

The last time this conversation came up in our breakroom, I announced that I wanted to be stuffed. And put in a superman costume. With any required padding of course.

posted by richat 11 May | 04:36

In my time of dyin'
Don't want nobody to mourn
All I want for you to do
Is to take my body home

posted by Doohickie 11 May | 08:40

I believe you would know, Cold Chef, but that doesn't seem right to me. Planning, say, a wedding is difficult enough and being able to say "hey, it's our day, screw them if they don't like it" makes some of the more difficult decisions a lot easier.

Who do you plan your funeral around? What if they don't show up? You can't please everybody and you would be nuts to try. Dealing with stuff on the fly would take ages with all that "knock once for 'yes', twice for 'no' business".

I'm guessing the answer is that whichever living person actually talks to the undertakers on the day gets to make a lot of the important decisions. So either chosing them well or planning it like Ike planned D-Day would be my preference.

posted by GeckoDundee 11 May | 09:53

actually if I must have a funeral, I'd like it to be something like this.

posted by jonmc 11 May | 09:56

Oh, by all means, plan your funeral. Make it as simple or elaborate as you'd like. Have Viking pallbearers and have "Dark Side of the Moon" on repeat. Plan every single detail and leave no question as to how you'd like things carried out.

Just know that once you die, none of that really matters to whoever is planning your service. The funeral's purpose is to provide comfort to the living.

Having said that, I want an old fashioned wake, where folks have to stand at my bedside and shake my bed for 24 hours before my funeral. Just, you know, to make sure.

posted by ColdChef 11 May | 10:29

In my job, I tend to find out about all the ways people can have accidents. And when you have an accident, it's usually a spin of the chamber whether it's fatal or not.

So whenever I am on a ladder or up on the roof or around machinery or playing with electricity, I always say to myself, "well danf, you could die in another minute if you are not careful." And sometimes that works to make me think about what I am doing.

Sometimes, not.

I want to be dumped out in a forest to be scavenged, and for a wake, I just want a party, some music, food, wine, whatever. I'll be dead.

posted by danf 11 May | 10:44

Thanum an Dhul! Do you think I'm dead?

posted by GeckoDundee 11 May | 11:00

The funeral's purpose is to provide comfort to the living.

well yeah, but this very point caused an argument between me and mr. gaspode because I wanted some way to ensure that no religion was mentioned in my funeral. And he was all like "most of our families and many of your friends are religious. And you're dead, they'll feel better, why do you care". Which I agree with in principle, but I'd find a way to come back if someone's invoking a god in front of my soon-to-be cremated body.

posted by gaspode 11 May | 11:20

Which I agree with in principle, but I'd find a way to come back if someone's invoking a god in front of my soon-to-be cremated body.

While I agree with your sentiment, you can't control the way other people grieve. Mr. Gaspode can, however, control the order of the services. If he's dead, the honors go to your children. Then your grandchildren. Then your parents. Then your siblings. In that order.

Out of the 300 funerals I served last year, I had one that was completely free from religious content.

For entertainment value, though, you can't beat the fire & brimstone, walking with Jesus on streets made of gold, even-though-he-was-a-shit-in-life-now-he's-a-saint services. Oh, and it gets really fun when people start fainting and speaking in tongues.

posted by ColdChef 11 May | 11:34

ColdChef, if anyone should have a blog, it's you. Please and thank you.

posted by deborah 11 May | 12:50

My long abandoned, barely used blog. Thanks for the encouragement, though. I'll try to motivate myself to action.

posted by ColdChef 11 May | 13:30

Oh, and it gets really fun when people start fainting and speaking in tongues.

"I, jason's_planet, being of sound mind and body, would like to begin this will by stipulating that there must be fainting and speaking in tongues at my funeral. I don't give a fuck if you're as atheist as I was. When you see my urn of ashes, I want you to start rolling around on the floor and babbling in Pig Sumerian. Thank you."

On a more serious note, I do channel my own funeral from time to time. It's depressing. It's filled with very sad people, people who miss me, people are very sad that I'm gone.

So I try not to think about it.

posted by jason's_planet 11 May | 15:59

I don't want to be buried. I want to be cremated as soon as possible, just have photos at some kind of fun wake, to share good stories. My husband and I want our remains tossed off a cliff in Bermuda. My friend and her husband never really discussed their plans, but he never said he wanted to be cremated. So when he died suddenly at 33 two weeks ago, she went the traditional route. Now she plans on being buried eventually with him. In a pink coffin!

posted by redvixen 11 May | 18:57

Wow, you people took this thread so much more seriously than I would have expected.

posted by Orange Swan 11 May | 21:51

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