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31 January 2007

Help. I'm sad. I'm very sad too and I have huge logistical problems that I can't sort out. It's all like a terrible math problem. Help. →[More:]My friend who was actually much more than a friend but more like a second father to me died this past Friday in Baltimore. Baltimore is 550 miles northeast of me; an 8.5 to 9 hour drive. I went up there last weekend and then came back down home. The memorial service is this Saturday at 1:00; I'd like to be there with my kids who were also very close to him and that was the plan.
BUT.
1. We were going to leave tomorrow morning, picking up a few people along the way.
2. There's supposed to be a huge ice/snow storm starting tomorrow morning.
3. My son is in bed with a 99.5 fever.
4. The earliest we could possibly leave is tonight and that's if I don't go to work today but instead do laundry & cook & get organized.
5. If we don't leave tonight there's a good chance we won't be able to leave at all.
6. If we leave at 7:00 pm (which is a best case scenario) we won't get there til almost 3:00 am and I hate night driving.
7. Do I really want to put a sick teenager in a packed car and drive him around for 9 hours?
8. Especially since when we get to Baltimore we will be sleeping in a big pile on the floor with a whole bunch of people and little kids, so by sleeping I really mean dozing fitfully if that.
9. But I want to go.
10. I don't know what to do.

post by: mygothlaundry at: 09:14 | 33 comments

Ok, this makes my problem look a little silly now. MGL, ugh, I'd be freaking too and I will send happy, huggy thoughts your way. Is there someone your son can stay with while you and the other kid(s) go up to Baltimore? Could you take the train instead? I'm assuming flying is right out especially with the impending snow storm. Oh, and don't forget to breathe. Just sit, close your eyes and take a few big, long, deep breaths. That helps me when I'm freaking out.

posted by LunaticFringe 31 January | 09:19

Does M. still want to go even though he's sick? Is there anyone he could stay in Asheville with while you and your daughter head out tonight?

As for the weather, the timing just sucks. Down here I think the ice should be gone by Friday morning... maybe you could leave as soon as the sun is up Friday? That'd put you in Baltimore 5pm on Friday. Or are they saying you'll still be iced in on Friday morning?

Sorry I'm asking more questions than giving answers... trying to think aloud here.

posted by BoringPostcards 31 January | 09:21

According to this, I bet you could leave at least by midday on Friday. It's supposed to reach the low 40s, so even though it's raining, there shouldn't be ice.

posted by BoringPostcards 31 January | 09:25

I'm en route between Asheville and Baltimore, just about the halfway point. There's plenty of floor space if having a place to split the trip and stay over would help.

posted by Wolfdog 31 January | 09:27

Yeah, they're saying we'll still be iced in, at least until Friday afternoon. I can't leave young M here if I go at all - for one thing his father is already there (this is more than friends; this is my big complicated incestuous giant extended hippie family, the people I lived with and around for many years - and the clan is gathering)

I guess maybe we could leave on Friday afternoon but it's not looking good weather wise and then also we end up having to drive back 36 hours later which is pretty rough - we both have to be at work on Monday.

I just called in sad to work for the next three days. God almighty. . .

posted by mygothlaundry 31 January | 09:29

I'm with BP on the Friday weather - it's supposed to warm up. Isn't A-ville geared for frozen ick? Wish I could help. I can send warm thoughts your way for the your loss, and healing vibes to your son. (((mgl)))

posted by chewatadistance 31 January | 09:33

wolfdog, you're very sweet to offer but I can't do that to you - at this point we're talking three women, two teenagers, a 10 year old and, oh gods help us, a horrible little dog, all in one not very big car.

Asheville isn't as prepared for wintry weather as you'd think - neither, for that matter, is Baltimore. They're both all like, "Oh, it doesn't actually snow here" and then when it does, as it does every single winter, they freak out all over the place.

I'm thinking we leave tonight. Unless kid is sicker, in which case we either leave Friday noonish or we don't leave at all.

posted by mygothlaundry 31 January | 09:57

{mgl}

posted by brujita 31 January | 09:58

Well, the offer stands; there's room, there's food, & there's welcome. It's probably easier just to crash on through, but if things get bad on the drive and you need a pause, don't hesitate.

Best wishes, in any case.

posted by Wolfdog 31 January | 10:03

I wish I could think of something else to do to help, but I can't. Ugh. If you think of anything I can do, MGL, email me or call my cellphone. Otherwise, hugs to you and the kids... I'll be thinking of you.

on preview: and take Wolfdog's phone number with you! If the weather were to get dicey, his place could be your port in a (literal) storm.

Wolfdog, you rock, btw.

posted by BoringPostcards 31 January | 10:05

[[mgl]] (those are big bear hugs).

If you leave tonight, then stay safe. If your son wants to go, I'm sure a bed or a couch or a matress can be found for him to sleep on.

posted by muddgirl 31 January | 10:11

What a generous offer, Wolfdog. People like you make me glad to be a Mechazen.

posted by mischief 31 January | 10:17

mgl--I'm sorry. I'm sorry too that I forgot to call you back with my home number last week. I've got room for you to stay in Baltimore, if you need it. I'm not sure you do. My apartment ain't De-luxe, but there's plenty of floor space. I just sent you my home number through email.

posted by omiewise 31 January | 10:27

Certain points you've stated tell me no.

The ice storm — You may or may not arrive, giving the time pressure you may tend to push it making travel less safe. Results unpredictable due to wheather.
The fever — No picnic the drive, but passing it on to many others in Baltimore, nah. If your son is coming down with something, R&R is good medicine.
You were there last week — have someone at the memorial shoot a few photos and email them to you.

Sounds like putting a log on the fire at home is a good choice. Although you've made a lot of plans that affect others, don't be afraid to say, no, it isn't going to work for you and your family. Don't be afraid to drop all plans made — there are a few reasons you stated that not going is a good plan.

While you're sitting by the fire, read "Deep Survival" — Laurence Gonzales.

posted by alicesshoe 31 January | 10:46

mgl, I don't think your friend would wanting you driving at night in terrible weather with a sick kid. :(

posted by taz 31 January | 10:52

Sorry to hear this MGL. We've just been going through this same sorta thing as well. Wifey's sweet sweet grandma's funeral is tomorrow (she died on Monday, they wanted to do it today for god's sake. Long story). But it took forever to figure out if we were going or not.
Reason being is we were planning to head to Alabama (where she lived) in mid-February to see her, as my wife hadn't seen her Grandma for over 2 years and was feeling bad about it as her health wasn't improving. But now she's gone, so the February vacation to see her has been pushed up for a trip to her funeral.

So much sadness...

I'm really sorry that I'm piling my sadness in your thread, just thought I'd commiserate, and I didn't wanna start another sad post. I hope you figure things out. One thing I was telling my wife was that if we couldn't go to the funeral, she'd figure out her own way to say goodbye.

posted by Hellbient 31 January | 11:05

I'm sorry for your loss, mgl.

posted by rainbaby 31 January | 11:06

If Rockville is a closer drive for the first night, I have a futon and some sofas available.

posted by danostuporstar 31 January | 11:07

No solutions, just hugs.

posted by bunnyfire 31 January | 11:23

MGL - I will aim some of my positive thoughts your way. I really have nothing to contribute, but good thoughts and the hope that it all works out okay for you.

And, wolfdog, you're a peach pal.

posted by richat 31 January | 11:29

Ugh! I'm so sorry mgl!

posted by small_ruminant 31 January | 12:45

That's a tough one, sweetie. I suspect it will become clear what needs to happen, whatever that is. Hang in there.

posted by Specklet 31 January | 12:54

I agree with Specklet - you'll know what to do as things move along. As to the cleaning, laundry, organizing -- if there's any way at all that you can make it, it's not really going to matter if you're laundered and organized. Just being there would be the thing that meant something to people. If you can't make it, spend the gas money on a plant or flowers or donation for the family, and, have a special memorial with all those folks nearby your home when you're all well.

I'm really sorry to hear of the loss of someone so close, though. My condolences.

posted by Miko 31 January | 13:11

(((MGL))) and what LunaticFringe said - deep breaths. You're in my thoughts.

posted by deborah 31 January | 13:48

Warm ice-melting, cold-busting thoughts your way, mgl.

I would say that a big factor would probably be whether your son wants to go or not. Even if just simply because sick + annoyed will make the car ride unbearable.

And I'm sorry that you lost your friend.

posted by occhiblu 31 January | 14:03

Oh, MGL. You really seem to be having a rough time lately. I hate when bad things happen to awesome people. I'm so sorry.

Hugs to you, too, hellbient. I'm sorry for your wife's loss. My grandmother's been gone for 15 years and I still miss her every day.

posted by jrossi4r 31 January | 15:04

Thanks for all the good wishes, y'all - they mean a lot. Still planning to leave in about an hour, son has staged a miraculous recovery(methinks I should have looked at that thermometer a little more closely this morning and/or have enquired about a possible math test) and the laundry is done.

posted by mygothlaundry 31 January | 17:46

Please be prepared: kitty litter, water, snacks, hammers, what have you. Pack up the tunes, check your fluids, bring a blanket and flairs and a swiss army knife and booze.
Play it safe and relaxed, please.

posted by ethylene 31 January | 17:51

Good luck and a safe trip to you and your kids, including the little faker. :)

posted by occhiblu 31 January | 17:52

Be safe. Good luck. We'll keep a good thought for you.

posted by It's Raining Florence Henderson 31 January | 18:06

more hugs and good wishes and warm thoughts coming your way! (And a conspiratorial smile at the malingering teenager.)

posted by scody 31 January | 19:26

Be safe, and I'm so sorry for your loss. I hope all of you turn this from a ad funeral gathering into a celebration of his life. He must have been an awesome guy for so many to be gathering.
Hellbient, my condolances to you and yours, also.
Wolfdog, you rock.

posted by redvixen 31 January | 19:28

Even more hugs and wishes for safe travels.

posted by lilywing13 31 January | 19:37

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