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11 September 2006

A PASSENGER JET OUT OF ATLANTA HAS BEEN [More:]DIVERTED FROM SAN FRANCISCO AFTER AN UNCLAIMED BLACKBERRY WAS FOUND ON BOARD. NORAD SCRAMBLED FIGHTER JETS TO SHOOT MISSILES AT THE BLACKBERRY IN CASE IT MADE ANY THREATENING NOISES AND THE JET WAS DIVERTED TO DALLAS BECAUSE, AFTER ALL, IT'S JUST DALLAS.
TERRA! TERRA! TERRA!
posted by quonsar 11 September | 10:03
NORAD SCRAMBLED FIGHTER JETS TO SHOOT MISSILES AT THE BLACKBERRY

and now there's nothing left but a puddle of jam.
posted by jonmc 11 September | 10:03
Homeland Security: We sleep at night so you don't have to.
posted by warbaby 11 September | 10:11
THE JET WAS DIVERTED TO DALLAS BECAUSE, AFTER ALL, IT'S JUST DALLAS.

Yeah, NORAD's all like "YOU STILL HAVEN'T PAID FOR KENNEDY DALL-ASS!"
posted by PinkStainlessTail 11 September | 10:26
OMG THE METAFILTER SERVER JUST COLLAPSED
posted by quonsar 11 September | 10:30
a bet you Karl Rove is responsible for both the jet escort and the Metafilter server collpasing today.

Really though, diverting a plane over an unclaimed blackberry? I understand heightened security, but this level of paranoia is completely unacceptable.
posted by funmonkey1 11 September | 10:32
OMG THE METAFILTER SERVER JUST COLLAPSED
That was totally a controlled detonation from inside. WAKE UP PEOPLE.
posted by PinkStainlessTail 11 September | 10:36
September 11th should be declared the worldwide Terror Day. It would be kind of like a mirror image of April Fools Day (you could call it a carnival in reverse): everything would be taken Very Seriously. Whereas on April 1st, you are supposed to get a good laugh, on September 11th, you'd have to PANIC. See a "suspicious-looking" man acting perfectly normal? Panic! Hear a jet flying overhead? Panic! See someone reading Marxist literature in the library? Panic!
posted by Daniel Charms 11 September | 10:55
I JUST DROPPED A BOMB IN THE TOILET. CALL THE DHS ON MY ASS!
posted by sciurus 11 September | 11:12
≡ Click to see image ≡
We have always been at war with Smucker's.
posted by Atom Eyes 11 September | 11:20
I wish I could find the citation for this, which I think I read in either the Portland Tribune, or the Oregonian about five years ago, durring the anthrax freakout. The story went something like this:

Police were called to the scene in downtown Lake Oswego, when a suspicious substance was spotted on a public sidewalk. Upon inspection, the police determined that the substance was guacamole, and the probable source was the adjacent restaurant.
posted by pieisexactlythree 11 September | 11:25
*dials DHL instead*
posted by me3dia 11 September | 11:28
September 11th should be declared the worldwide Terror Day. It would be kind of like a mirror image of April Fools Day (you could call it a carnival in reverse): everything would be taken Very Seriously. Whereas on April 1st, you are supposed to get a good laugh, on September 11th, you'd have to PANIC. See a "suspicious-looking" man acting perfectly normal? Panic! Hear a jet flying overhead? Panic! See someone reading Marxist literature in the library? Panic!

Hilarious.
posted by Eideteker 11 September | 11:52
DHL - now with extra improved delivery of live cattle passengers one way direct to their destination without unclaimed crackberries. Fly with us and delivery is guaranteed for 9am the next business day after TSA approval.
posted by funmonkey1 11 September | 11:54
A thread just went down in a field in Pensylvania!!!!!
posted by pieisexactlythree 11 September | 14:59
September 11th should be declared the worldwide Terror Day.
How would you tell the difference between this and every other day?
posted by dg 11 September | 17:06
Wouldn't a smart terrorist want to do their terror thing on just about any other day? That way, the US could have two shit-your-pants-and-go-batshit-insane-with-wars-of-vengence holidays a year, thus bringing the World War Jihad that much closer to reality.

Of course, if terrorists were smart, they wouldn't be terrorists.
posted by Skwirl 12 September | 00:43
Anna Nicole Smith's son dead at 20 || What is the music in this commercial?

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