MetaChat - Ask MeCha: How can I become a kept man?

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29 August 2006

Ask MeCha: How can I become a kept man? The nine to five is gettin' mighty old.→[More:]

And I live in a city with one of the greatest concentrations of wealth the world has ever known. Much of that wealth is controlled by women, many of whom are single.

Most of them are gonna marry somebody eventually. It might as well be me.

Anybody got any tips on how I can become a kept man and spend the rest of my days reading, writing, scuba-diving, kiteboarding and making love? I'd be terribly grateful for any pointers.

Many thanks in advance.

post by: jason's_planet at: 22:01 | 12 comments

Let's see, jason's_planet, how do you look in a French maid's outfit? and can you mix a martini?

auditions are friday at five. Be prompt.

posted by jonmc 29 August | 22:14

Step 1: Become devastatingly handsome.

Step 2: Become a witty and urbane conversationalist.

Step 3: Develop your tennis and / or skiing skills to the point where you are qualified to teach those skills to others.

Step 4: Get a job in Aspen or at a country club in the Hamptons.

Step 5: Be charming, very charming. But not TOO charming-- you don't want to develop a "reputation." Not yet, anyway.

Step 6: Select your target. She should be from money (obviously), single, and in her mid-twenties. She should be a bit more plain than her peers, and a bit more...simple.

Step 7: Inveigle your way into the good graces of your target's parents.
NOTE: THIS IS VERY IMPORTANT. DO NOT SKIP THIS STEP LEST YOU BE SHUNNED AS A SOCIAL-CLIMBING GOLD DIGGER.

Step 8: Move in, slowly, but surely. Confidently, but not arrogantly.

Step 9: ???

Step 10: Profit!

posted by dersins 29 August | 22:14

Note: Step 9 details available for the low, low price of $500. Email is in profile.

Act quickly because this offer will not last.

posted by dersins 29 August | 22:16

Well, the more wrinkles she has, the better your odds.

(bunion massaging skills a plus)

posted by Pips 29 August | 22:20

Become a "walker" for a socialite from New York's Upper East Side ala Peter Bacanovic of Martha Stewart fame.

posted by ericb 29 August | 22:37

No one wants a parasite.

posted by brujita 30 August | 07:45

just get a job as a minimally-talented dancer for a marginally-talented pop singer, convince her to act as a sort of ersatz sperm receptacle for you a couple of times, trick her into marrying you. you'll be famous by association, even if people mostly hate you... and maybe, just maybe, she'll finance your dream project: recording a hip-hop album that will make to the extreme look like the velvet underground and nico by comparison.

this is a historically-proven get-rich-quick method. seriously.

posted by syntax 30 August | 08:32

Be incredibly good looking
Whisk her away for incredible adventures on the po' side of town
Profit!!!

posted by ThePinkSuperhero 30 August | 09:36

Be incredibly good looking

I can say from experience that this dosen't always work.

posted by jonmc 30 August | 09:42

Be incredibly good looking

I can say from experience that this dosen't always work.

And not always necessary...

posted by Specklet 30 August | 11:03

If you don't have the golf/tennis/skiing/etc. skillset, consider becoming a tax advisor/insurance adjuster/banker/whatnot.

posted by box 30 August | 12:06

minimally-talented dancer

I can't pull off the French maid's costume but I know I've got the above part down pat!

OK. I'm off to the races. I know that if I can put my mind to it, I can become a sleazy money-grubbing ne'er-do-well. This is America, damnit. Anything is possible.

But don't worry. I won't forget where I came from. And I'll definitely think about you guys when I'm skiing in Gstaad.

posted by jason's_planet 30 August | 19:13

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