MetaChat - AnxietyCha

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14 August 2006

AnxietyCha →[More:] I'm highly agitato about my mom seeing me with my new piercings. It's giving me anxiety attacks. I'm not totally sure why, since I've done things that have offended them more than this would and since I'm a grown man living on my own, what are they going to do, besides yell and/or make me feel bad?

I am anxiety-prone and high-strung, but my mom is also a psycho control freak with a low tolerance for non-conformist behavior. So naturally she birthed me.

Soothe my anxiety. Thank you.

post by: jonmc at: 12:26 | 48 comments

Well, everyone has different coping strategies, but I like to actually write down the worst things that could happen (like you said, yell). Once I see it on paper, it makes me feel better.

Is there any slight small chance that she may like them? Or at least not hate them? Not even the screws?

posted by gaspode 14 August | 12:29

Just tell her R. Kelly wears 'em, too. She Lo-o-o-oves R. Kelly, right?

posted by Hugh Janus 14 August | 12:33

I actually don't know, 'pode. I sincerely doubt she'll like them. My mom is a master at making you feel small and insignificant, so maybe I'm flashing back on that.

OTOH, I've gotten suspended from school, arrested, dropped out of college, gotten fired from jobs and various and sundry other things, and while the response was unpleasant, I survived.

She's also better when she hears things second hand and has time to digest them. Maybe pips could let it slip in a phone call.

For the record, my (male) cousin had a lip ring for a while, and my (female cousin) has a nose stud. My mom didn't seem to like them but she didn't make a scene or anything.

posted by jonmc 14 August | 12:34

Picture your audience naked.

posted by danostuporstar 14 August | 12:37

Tell her she probably was too high on epidurals to notice, but you were born with earrings in both ears.

posted by Hugh Janus 14 August | 12:38

Sorry, got this confused with one of those "bad advice" threads.

Yer ma loves you, jonmc. If she starts making you feel small and insignificant, just remind her that she's yer ma, and that she loves you, and that you love her, and bring up some time when you did something that made her happy...

...in other words, man, DISTRACT HER! You will only get through this with SMOKE and MIRRORS. Suddenly throw the telephone through an open window at the "neighbor's cat," or hit play on your iPod at max volume "by accident," or drop a brick on your toe, "butterfingers;" just don't let her look at your ears for too long! She'll forget that she loves you and make you feel bad.

And then you get to say, "Ma, did you forget that you love me? You're making me feel bad."

Yeah, sure, that oughtta work.

posted by Hugh Janus 14 August | 12:45

I've gotten suspended from school, arrested, dropped out of college, gotten fired from jobs and various and sundry other things, and while the response was unpleasant, I survived.

And you'll survive this, too.

posted by Fuzzy Monster 14 August | 12:52

Well, I could do my eyebrow, and that might distract her enough.

Perhaps send her a picture with tons of photoshopped piercings and tattoos, then send her the much tamer "real" one, and she'll be relieved instead of critical? (That, or she'll hit you with a pan.)

Boy, there's nothing worse than parental criticism. My father once offered me $1000 to lose 50 pounds. Humiliating.

posted by Pips 14 August | 12:59

There's a thought, pips.

posted by jonmc 14 August | 12:59

It would look hot on you, too.

posted by jonmc 14 August | 13:00

Thanks, lover. ; )

How 'bout I do my eyebrow and you go for a nipple or two?

(mom won't see those...)

posted by Pips 14 August | 13:05

nipplerings? not yet.

the eyebrow would look sexy on you though...

posted by jonmc 14 August | 13:07

Hey, you could get nipple rings and nose piercings and then get chains to connect the nipples to the nose; you could even crisscross the chains (Left nipple to right nostril & vice versa) if you wanted to mix things up a bit.

posted by Hugh Janus 14 August | 13:09

Don't forget the tongue, HJ. : )

posted by Pips 14 August | 13:11

Tell her over a phone conversation before you see her. It should go something like this: "Hi Mom, I just called to say I love you...and that I have an earring now". Then quickly hang up.

Baby steps, my friend, baby steps.

posted by Hellbient 14 August | 13:12

*sigh*

posted by jonmc 14 August | 13:13

Make a second phone call for the other ear.

posted by Hugh Janus 14 August | 13:15

I find a hint of condescension works best. Just answer any criticism with one of those smiles that says, "Oh you silly little old person." Because that's what parents are. Silly little old people who (hopefully) love us. Following up with a hug or kiss on the forehead is exceptionally disarming.

posted by jrossi4r 14 August | 13:28

You know what else is disarming? Uncertainty.

posted by Hugh Janus 14 August | 13:42

Oh, is there time to get a tattoo of her portrait on your back? That would surely take the attention away from the ears.

Or, wear full-ear headphones the entire time. Or Spock ears?

posted by Hellbient 14 August | 13:45

You know what else is disarming? Farm equipment if used improperly.

posted by jrossi4r 14 August | 13:51

You know what else is disarming? That judo move where the cop takes away my half empty forty of Mickey's I was waving around and flings me on my ass.

Tell your mom that you had a dream that Pope Pius XXIII flew down from heaven and said "Get your ears pierced or you're going to hell!"

Always worked for me.

posted by Divine_Wino 14 August | 14:04

I'm counting on my tattoo banning me from the family plot.

posted by Pips 14 August | 14:13

you don't have a tattoo yet.

posted by jonmc 14 August | 14:14

or a family plot.

posted by Pips 14 August | 14:16

What if you got a tattoo of a family plot? I think you'd look sexy with a tombstone on your back.

posted by TrishaLynn 14 August | 14:18

Ya know what, what's her number? I'll call her. Don't worry, I do an excellent Gomer Pyle voice.

posted by Hellbient 14 August | 14:21

I didn't even know they made Mickey's in a 40 size. It must have a mouth the size of a toilet seat.

posted by jrossi4r 14 August | 14:26

It must have a mouth the size of a toilet seat.

It's damn fucking convenient.

posted by Divine_Wino 14 August | 14:30

That Mickey is a visionary. He's so fine, he blows my mind.

posted by jrossi4r 14 August | 14:57

What if you got a tattoo of a family plot? I think you'd look sexy with a tombstone on your back.

Well, TL, jon's grandfather makes tombstones. And apparently he thinks I'm pretty sexy (cornered me and brushed my boob last spring when we visited for their 60th wedding anniversary... it's rather amusing now... I told jon, next time I'm gonna grab his grandfather's ass).

This is pretty bitchin', by the by. I like these old-style tombstone markings.

posted by Pips 14 August | 15:00

(and I guess it's better than you wishing me under a tombstone) ; )

posted by Pips 14 August | 15:02

DW, that's fucking hilarious...

posted by Pips 14 August | 15:04

I got the real bad swears today, not sure why, just fuckin' do.

posted by Divine_Wino 14 August | 15:26

It must have a mouth the size of a toilet seat.
It's damn fucking convenient.
Nice to see you're getting into recycling.

posted by dg 14 August | 15:36

I care much for the poor auld airt and everting witinit, such as I can either piss inta or get pissed outa or bowth, God willin'.

posted by Divine_Wino 14 August | 15:39

I got the real bad swears today, not sure why, just fuckin' do.

It's cocksuckin' contagious...

(I went for the alliteration)

posted by Pips 14 August | 15:45

It's reasonable to be anxious if you think there's going to be a scene. Even though you know you don't deserve it, you have to go through it anyways, and that sucks.

Good luck. Maybe it won't happen.

posted by halonine 14 August | 16:03

Hey Jon,
by way of being serious, just remember that you're your own man and allowed to do whatever the hell you want to do and that your mom has to love you anyway, can't change people that much. Every time she makes a comment just say, "I love you moms."

posted by Divine_Wino 14 August | 16:09

Maybe she'll just shrug and ask to borrow your hoops?

(a few stiff drinks beforehand couldn't hurt, though...)

posted by Pips 14 August | 16:10

(couldn't be any worse than when I told my father I was dropping out of law school and, a couple years later, getting a divorce... course, I was 1000 miles away at the time... most parents seem to get used to most things... and, like DW says, it doesn't really matter... your feelings matter, but not so much what your mom thinks, if I may...)

posted by Pips 14 August | 16:24

Hey, tell her you're not pregnant.

Hey, I had to tell MY mom that her redheaded granddaughter was preggers with a biracial baby.

Trust me, you are better off. (My mom is like your mom re nonconformism, just so you know. Thank God I'm too old to care what she thinks of ME. OTOH I care deeply how she treats my daughter and my upcoming gorgeous grandson.)

posted by bunnyfire 14 August | 17:49

Update. We told my mom during a phone conversation. Pips dropped that I had a 'new look.' Mom guessed that the hair and goatee were back, but initially guessed 'tattoo,' when she said something else. She was mildly shocked but took it better than I thought.

posted by jonmc 14 August | 17:50

So I take it you didn't mention that you had your labia pierced...

posted by It's Raining Florence Henderson 14 August | 17:51

Don't you mean a Prince Albert? ;-D

posted by brujita 14 August | 18:19

JMc: Mum, I had my labia pierced.
JMom: Huh!!!!
JMc: Oh yes, and I guess I should have mentioned the sex change thing too.

posted by seanyboy 14 August | 18:34

Hah. My mom dosen't know about my labia! Actually once I explained that the overwhelming majority of my friends had either piercings or tattoos, and that most people I knew had said that I looked good with earrings, she seemed to accept it. Load off my mind.

posted by jonmc 14 August | 18:37

Well, not sure how it relates to your case but this poor lady didn't tell her family she was preggers coz she was afraid of the reaction...but now her pops is all for the baby....
So mebbe do something to distract her?

posted by ramix 14 August | 19:32

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