I suppose this is what we get when we, in effect, hire others to express our thoughts and feelings. But at the same time, it seemed to me that the greeting card designers really ought to do better than this. They're professionals.

The ones that creep me out are Father's Day cards, particularly "Daddy From Daughter" cards. I can't think of an example right now, but many's the time I've tried to find something for my dad that didn't either imply quasi-humorously that I wanted to use his credit card or just get a handful of cash off of him, or imply with frightening seriousness that I was unable to make a clear distinction between the role of a father and that of a boyfriend.

A pet sympathy card.

≡ Click to see image ≡

All I can say is, "why?"

My favorite condolence card story, which I've told on IRC before, is about my former roommate. He stopped by his parent's house to pick something up and there was a note from his mom - "Don't forget to sign card for Bob." Bob was a a friend of the family. My roommate wrote "Happy Birthday, Pal!" and signed it with a smiley face. He later got a phone call from his sister - "Did you even read the card?"

We kept the card since his mom had to get a new one - the front of the card said "Our deepest sympathy on the death of your father" and then inside my roommate wished him a Happy Birthday.

Many of those pet sympathy cards are execrable. I don't believe in heaven for people, so I certainly don't believe in "the Rainbow Bridge." On the other hand, they must make somebody feel better.

Hey, my little rant is spawning an essay. I'm working on it in my Word program now.

I've been meaning for awhile to start my own website called "the Orange Swan Review" and post little essays/rants on books, articles, and the like.

Make it a blog so we can all subscribe to your RSS feed!

I'd read that review, Swan.

A work colleague's father died, so a sympathy card made the rounds. It struck me as odd -- not the expression of sympathy, but the fact that it was one signed by "the gang." Huh?

I sent my own card. A simple notecard.

Of course, maybe I should have sent one of these.

Psho, those would make *me* wish I were dead!

There is a lot of crap in this world. The easy thing to do would be to go around pointing out all the drying crusty piles of crap everywhere that we think are stupid and unsophisticated. It's harder, I think, to to go out on a limb and describe something we think is great since there will always be someone (or many) who think our opinions are stupid.

For some reason kitschy crap is quite popular. Hell, look at some of the "crafts" people make. "Bless this House" geegaws, ugh. On some level people are getting enjoyment out of them even though they aren't great art or even skillfully made. There are oceans of sunset over a curling wave paintings sold, and they can't all be going to Holiday Inn's. Dan Brown is making millions selling books, and you can't tell me it's because of the good writing.

As far as sympathy cards are concerned, I got a few when Moondog died. They were nice to receive not because of the message printed on them, but the idea that friends and family knew him and were thinking of him and me. In fact, I don't remember offhand what was printed on them, but I do remember who sent them to me. Sometimes it really is "the thought that counts". I wonder if in our continually isolating society that we can't be bothered with emotions. Grab a card that approximates a feeling, sign it and 37 cents later our obligation is done without having to get too messily involved. I guess we get what we deserve.

I've finished the essay... 800 words.

I only ever use centennial birthday cards. I figure there's a pretty good chance the person I'm giving it to will never get another. plus, every single one I've ever seen has been rad.

Unless I'm being intentionally twee, I always buy blank cards. (And then write something in them, otherwise that would be weird).

Okay, this one (from psho's link, NSF humans) is so awful I have no words. Naked woman on cliff + Stairway to Heaven + interminable poem about politics = ???? WTF?

I clicked mygothlaundry's link. It caused something inside me to die.

As someone who does exactly this for a living, I'll say only that the most frustrating thing in the world is actually sneaking out something really cool and different past the 98 layers of management and into the market, only to have it tank and finding out that the cheesiest schmaltz that your Great Aunt Betty would have loved 80 years ago is still a #1 seller.

Recent Fark Photoshop Contest: Rejected Greeting Cards

me too, Capn.