Movies in 15 Minutes Cleolinda Jones writes very funny capsule reviews of movies she likes.→[More:]There are currently 10 on her website, and she's got a book out via Amazon UK.

Excerpts...


King Arthur:

ARTHUR: You okay?

GUINEVEIRA [weakly]: I'm Guinevere. You're Arthur. *passes out*

ARTHUR: Thanks for clearing that up, babe.

* * *

GUINEVEIRA: Hey, baby! Hey baby, you so fine, baby!

ARTHUR: *keeps riding*

GUINEVEIRA: I've heard lots of stories about you, about how you're a big strong killative man.

ARTHUR: *keeps riding*

GUINEVEIRA: Hey, can I borrow a cup of sex?

ARTHUR: *rides away*

GUINEVEIRA: DAMMIT.



Troy:

Hut of Wanton Nudity, Some Village

BOY: OMG Achilles you're late you gotta get up Achilles OMG!

ACHILLES: Dude, I just nailed twins. Call me in the morning.

BOY: It IS morning.

ACHILLES: Oh... fuck.


Some Battlefield, Three Days Later

THESSALIAN ARMY: ...SOME! GUY! SOME! GUY! SOME! GUY!

Achilles strolls in, exchanges snippiness with Agamemnon, dodges Some Guy’s spear, gouges Some Guy's neck out.

THESSALIAN ARMY: . . .

ACHILLES: IS THERE NO ONE ELSE?

THESSALIAN ARMY: *averts eyes, kicks dirt*

ACHILLES: NO ONE? PUSSIES!

KING OF THESSALY: Here’s a scepter to take to your king please don’t hurt me I want to live.

ACHILLES: Fuck him, he ain’t my king. I'm goin' back to the Doublemints. Later, assholes.

AGAMEMNON: I hate that guy... so very, very much.


Hannibal:

PERFUME CHICK: This is the most fabulous letter I have ever smelled.

PERFUME GUY: I do believe I smell 36 different, entirely rare fragrances. And lanolin. You know. Wool fat. FROM LAMBS.

CLARICE: *massive eyeroll* Whatever. Sign here.

In a similar vein, Jay Pinkerton has an archive up from 2002-2004 in which he rates trailers. Occasionally as funny as M15M, but much cruder.