MetaChat - A startling decision

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22 June 2006

A startling decision Due to recent events, I have decided...→[More:]

...to stop having casual sex.

post by: TrishaLynn at: 17:30 | 31 comments

Nice timing, there, TL. *sigh*

Are you alright?

posted by Lipstick Thespian 22 June | 17:33

Nothing bad I hope.

posted by seanyboy 22 June | 17:38

I'm fine. It's just that casual sex--even sex with friends--has stopped being fun and has started to become depressing. That's when you know you have to stop.

I wonder if there's a 12-step group I could join...?

posted by TrishaLynn 22 June | 17:44

A few years back, I decided to start having casual sex, to no avail.

posted by Eideteker 22 June | 17:48

Here's a list of 12-step sexual recovery groups, if you're serious about that.

I mostly used casual sex as a fix, but it was more like trying to put a band-aid over the gaping hole in my soul.

posted by essexjan 22 June | 17:53

Not a bad idea. Take a step back, and wait for someone who truly sends shivers up your spine.

posted by redvixen 22 June | 17:55

Speaking for myself and some of the other more *challenged* male members of the metachat community, there's always the possibility of swapping from casual sex to awkward formal sex.

It'll still be depressing, but depressing in that "terrible sex and then he started crying" way.

posted by seanyboy 22 June | 17:56

essexjan: I was mostly kidding, but it wouldn't hurt to look into a group like that, for the sex talks I give at anime conventions.

posted by TrishaLynn 22 June | 17:56

*hugs TrishaLynn platonically*

I went through that a couple of years ago. Strangely (or not), once I stopped looking for casual sex I found someone to have relationship sex with. Like, two weeks later.

posted by elizard 22 June | 17:59

seanyboy: What do you mean by "challenged"?

A terrible consequence of being as sexually experienced as I am is that I don't have a lot of patience for a partner who can't at least figure out that me moaning like a banshee and saying, "Yes! Just like that!" is a sign that he/she should just keep on doing what they're doing and not to stop unless they get a serious muscle cramp.

posted by TrishaLynn 22 June | 18:08

Well, I don't mean that.
Or that.

Oh God. I've embarrassed myself now.

posted by seanyboy 22 June | 18:12

So is there some type of Law of Conservation of Casual Sex? If so, dibs!

posted by mike9322 22 June | 18:42

whenever i stop looking, i find, too. : >

posted by amberglow 22 June | 19:00

Congrats, TL.

The patience thing: it's worth it. Beause relationship sex far supercedes casual sex in quality, eventually.

posted by Miko 22 June | 19:02

An interesting revelation on the heals of this MeFi post and recent chats that have taken place on #bunnies.

While I know "different strokes for different folks" and all that, I think you're making the right move. I hope it works out for you.

posted by Doohickie 22 June | 19:31

heels.

posted by Doohickie 22 June | 19:31

Congrats TL!

posted by ThePinkSuperhero 22 June | 19:38

While I'm a big fan of casual sex, I'm an ever bigger fan of doing right by yourself. Yay, TL!

posted by gaspode 22 June | 20:41

One of the funny things that's a result of this decision was a) I met a very hot Scottish man at one of the bars near the convention hotel this weekend and it really tested my resolve (but I persevered!) and b) all my casual sex friends are kinda mourning the loss, but also congratulating me on the decision.

It's kinda funny how I came to this decision, too, because it was over the course of about a week where I had sex with three guy-friends (on different occassions) where I knew (or guessed) that things wouldn't go anywhere relationship speaking and as a result, I don't think I had as good a time as I would have if I'd been in a relationship with them. When even casual sex stops being fun... that's another sign you know you need to stop.

posted by TrishaLynn 22 June | 20:45

*stares at cieling, whistles nervously*

posted by jonmc 22 June | 21:13

OK, so I gave up on casual sex too. Why haven't I found a relationship yet? How long does it take? It's been about two weeks. *checks watch*

posted by matildaben 22 June | 21:19

I've never had casual sex. I usually put on a tuxedo and shine my shoes. It's an occasion, y'know?

posted by jonmc 22 June | 21:21

Well, I guess there goes our threesome. : )

(sorry -- jon dared me)

Buy ya a drink, 'tilda?

posted by Pips 22 June | 21:32

*stares at cieling, whistles nervously*

Ceiling cat does not come when you whistle.

posted by weretable and the undead chairs 22 June | 21:43

*dumps flowers and chocolates in the trash, walks away in the rain, hat drooping comically, trombones*

posted by Capn 22 June | 21:56

When I was in college I had a friend-sex relationship with a boy who played the trombone.

posted by matildaben 22 June | 23:16

I never gave up on casual sex. That is because I did not have any. It was/is all "relationship sex". I think I regret it, at lot, often.

posted by carmina 22 June | 23:53

like my grandmother always used to tell me... why buy the cow when you can give sex talks at anime conventions?

posted by Wedge 23 June | 01:40

Ceiling cat does not come when you whistle.

No, Ceiling Cat comes right before you do.

And then you don't, 'cause you're like "Oh Holy fuck! There's a fucking cat staring at me through a hole in the fucking ceiling! What. The. Fucking. Fuck!?"

posted by loquacious 23 June | 05:58

wait for someone who truly sends shivers up your spine.

If you are very lucky they might feel the same way.

It is gratifying to learn that casual sex isn't better than no sex at all. For some people.

Ceiling cat staring through a hole in the fucking ceiling?

That reminds me of a story I once heard...

posted by asok 23 June | 09:51

asok: Man, I really miss "Sexy Losers". Shame the guy burnt out.

posted by TrishaLynn 23 June | 09:58

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