DON'T DO IT.

You can gain weight by power-lifting (heavy weight, well under 10 reps per set, no more than three times/week) and eating like a FIEND. But once you put that weight on and change your metabolism, it stays on forever and you gain weight and get flabby VERY easily.

Women like the skinny guys. You can eat like a HOG and NEVER GAIN WEIGHT. Most guys (myself included) would kill for that.

I DID change my metabolism back when I was young and now it's a pain-in-the-ass to stay slim.

DON'T DO IT. BEST ADVICE.

*dials Queer Eye Hotline*

"Yeah, Carson? It's me! 'Member that guy I met online? I know. Hairproducts and bodywash, even! Anyhoo, he wants to get all sexy now, do the gym boy thing..."

LT, I'm already 'all sexy,' I just want a little more meat on these bones, specially the arms and chest, is all. I've never done the gym thing before, so I have no idea what kind of commitment is involved.

At least three days a week, minimum 30 min. cardio, and alternate reps and muscle groups every time you go. Talk to Eddie at the office, dude. He's become a bit of a gym queen.

I'm not one for sitting around a gym all day, so I chose one machine that works both my chest and arms. I started at 80 pounds and could do 6 reps. When I could do 12 reps at the current weight, I increased it 10 pounds the next time. I am up to 120 now.

I do my lifting every other day, and each session lasts less than two minutes. I increased my protein intake a bit, and I was showing results after just a couple weeks.

(and FWIW, the jeans, plaid flannel, popculture t-shirts, and Chuck Taylors ain't goin' anywhere)

Get yourself knocked up. Worked for me. Plus, you'll grow big boobies.

On a serious tip, Jon - my advice is to stick with the machines and not do a lot of free-weight bulk stuff. I used to bodybuild six days a week and here's what I learned (and am paying for now):

1. use the machines to start and then think about doing free weight exercises. They will help orient your muscles and you won't hurt anything by using them. Plus you'll get an all-around tone.

2. Stretch constantly. I didn't stretch enough when I power-lifted and now I have debilitating arthritis in every major muscle group. Bad knees, shoulders, back, etc. It's boring to do, but believe me, losing mobility down the line and having permanent ligament damage is no picnic.

3. Alternate your workouts - if you go more than 2x a week, do upper body one day, lower body the next. Or isolate a group of muscles on one day, like your arms or shoulders.

4. Stick with it past 3 months. You'll start to see results that are cool around then, but many people slack off and lose what they've gained. Tell yourself you're in for a year, and make goals for each month. Keep a diary of what you do each day. Write down what you eat and when.

5. Post pics here so we can cheer on your progress! It makes a huge difference in your motivation when a lot of people notice how well you look.

Good luck!

John, metabolism is basically how many calories you need to burn how often to stay at 98.6 degrees F. This is determined by the ratio of your body mass to your surface area. You have lots of surface area (skin), giving off lots of heat, and not relatively much mass to keep heat in. This means you burn calories like a mo-fo just staying at normal body temp. To gain weight you need to change that ratio and slow down your metabolic rate. Change that and you can rarely (if ever) change it back.

Just sayin'.

"the jeans, plaid flannel, popculture t-shirts, and Chuck Taylors ain't goin' anywhere"

Tell me about it. I saw a guy in his mid-50s wearing a Led Zeppelin t-shirt yesterday. All I could do was roll my eyes. I now have the coolest set of dishrags on the planet.

I still refuse to buy a Polo shirt though. ;-P

Hmm, perhaps I misread the "ain't goin' anywhere" part.

You did. But it's OK.

I've started using hairproducts

*head explodes*

Should I start stockin' up on Weightgain 4000?

"Beefcake! BEEFCAKE!" : )

Seriously though, you know you look smokin' good to me, but I wouldn't mind goin' to the gym with ya sometimes (it would be great motivation for me). There are some areas I'd love to "firm and tone," as they say (uh, that would be just about all of 'em, except maybe my ears). A few sessions with a personal trainer might be helpful, too, just to get started; my nephew David said that was helpful to him.

(Gaspode, did I mention jon had a big ol' salad last night, along with his steak?? Who is this man...) : )

I have to disagree with Shane -- your calorie science is correct, but you can always change your metabolism. It's just a question of how much muscle mass you have and how active you are. I know because I've done it in both directions. It may be that guys who lift when they're younger, and then stop, confuse the effects of not lifting with the natural metabolic slowing that comes with age. No matter who you are, if you don't want to get flabby, you have to have a plan to combat the metabolic decline that shows up in the late 30s.

I do cardio and lift, and LT's advice is really good. I moved from Nautilus to free weights about 3 months ago, and saw a tremendous boost in the tone curve. The great thing about moving to free weights (when you're ready) is that they don't isolate groups as fiercely as the machines do -- they make you support and balance the weights with your core and ancillary muscles, so you get an exponential increase in overall tone.

Becoming a lifter has completely transformed the way I feel about my body. I don't worry about being skinny any more -- I am just psyched at how shaped and buff I can get my muscles. It may only show to me, but who cares. Three years ago I was all out of shape; now I'm the only gal who does squats and bench presses at my gym. I recommend it! Let us know how it goes.

(PS -- cardio has excellent heart benefits, but if you are trying to gain weight, you'll have to eat more if you add cardio. Try to eat extra protein as you take up lifting. My brother, when he was trying to gain, would make egg nogs every day -- a couple of eggs and some whole milk and vanilla packed the calories and protein in.)

I've started using hairproducts

*head explodes*

Well, it's hairwax, and I use a pocket comb to slick it back all greaser stylee...

Don't worry about how much you weigh. Worry about getting a bunch of exercise; LT's advice is great. And eat some lean protein.

who is this man, pips?

Good advice here, everyone.

LT should follow his own goddamn advice.

Start with push ups at home.

Add a few sit ups / crunches into rainbaby's mix and you'll be surprised at how well you'll feel.

Or, good.

THE WEDGE DIET
1. decrease cig intake
2. increase weed/munchies intake
3. get your swole on

ianad

You want to google for "hardgainers." You can also check out the John Stone Fitness Forums.

If you felt like it, stopping smoking would probably give you five to ten pounds.