MetaChat - I have a date on Sunday.

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07 June 2006

I have a date on Sunday. And I've no idea what to do. →[More:]It's been years since I did anything like this. Information. We're quite different. I like Art and the Nihilistic Blackness of Alcohol. She likes gossip mags and sobriety. She's sort of dumped the evenings entertainment on my shoulders. In fact, I've no idea why she asked me out, and I've a feeling we'll just irritate each other. The only thing we have in common is a kind of aggressive micky taking. Arghhhh. I was thinking we should go out for a meal. My choices are (a) a dodgy bistro that serves the best food in the world; (b) a weird mongolian restaurant where you pick your dish from a bunch of bowls and they fry it in front of you; (c) a posh place. But which, and is food a good idea? Arghhhh. Of course, I'm really worried that she may want to come back to mine. But that's presumptuous and I'm a committed bachelor. My house is a mess. Arghhhh. So, suggestions, questions, kind words. Please.

post by: seanyboy at: 02:27 | 30 comments

weird mongolian unless you're comfiest in the dodgy bistro. Then you can sort out movies you might see as you eat, and if you wanna just say goodnight after.

posted by ethylene 07 June | 02:33

Don't take her anyplace she might co-opt. In Florida my friends and I had a "Sex Denny's" which we used to take people just because of that. If we took them to our normal places, and then stopped seeing them, we could end up running into them all the time.

If you're feeling really shady about it, like you don't want to risk a whole meal on it - go get coffee or something.

Be calm and have fun. Remember that you're the fodder of many a MeCha crush ;)

posted by SassHat 07 June | 02:33

Be yourself. She's asked you out because you're you.
Don't drink too much.
I would opt for the dodgy bistro, if the food's good. She might find the Mongolian place too weird, and I suspect you might feel uncomfortable in the posh place.
This is a first date. She won't be expecting to come back to yours. If the weather's nice after your meal, go for a walk somewhere nice - a park or something. Hold her hand. Be a gentleman. Girls like that.

Disclaimer: it has been so long since I had a date that any so-called expertise I might have on the subject must be taken with a pinch of salt.

posted by essexjan 07 June | 02:34

Holy shit, I swear the front page listed this as a post by essexjan. And my first reaction was, "You have a date with a girl??????

But anyway....

Seany, don't sweat it. First off, she's going to be as nervous as you are.

I'd pick the bistro over the Mongolian BBQ, because a menu you gives you choices, but it doesn't give you so many choices that either of you are likely to shit your pants wondering if the other person thinks your choices are weird. Choices: Good. (That is, don't order for her.) Too many choices: Stressful.

Look, just don't worry about it. Think of it as a chance to have a good time and get to know someone who's potentially cool.

And after all, it's not a proposal. It's just a night out. Have fun, and try go help her have fun too.

Most of all, don't sweat it. You're a really cool guy. So.

posted by mudpuppie 07 June | 02:37

Don't take her anyplace she might co-opt. In Florida my friends and I had a "Sex Denny's"

Ha! This is the best episode of Seinfeld never written.

posted by dgaicun 07 June | 02:43

*hugs seanyboy*

I'd love the dodgy restaurant or the weird Mongolian, myself. I don't think it's really likely that she's going to invite herself back to your place, but if she does, and you don't feel comfortable about it, just tell her the truth - that you'd rather not because the place is a mess, and you didn't have time to clean. If she says she doesn't mind, just tell her that you do, and you wouldn't be comfortable.

It would be good to have an after-the-restaurant place in mind, though, in case it seems you want to extend the conversation. Some coffee house or quiet bar with a nice atmosphere. And like the puppie says, just relax and enjoy yourself. If it's horrible, hell - you've only lost a few hours, and if it's nice, then it'll be worth a few jitters beforehand.

posted by taz 07 June | 02:44

Are you a go-er?
You could at least tidy up the porn.

Great. Now you'll get married too.

Sheesh.

posted by ethylene 07 June | 03:03

≡ Click to see image ≡

posted by ethylene 07 June | 03:05

Another vote for the dodgy bistro!! And for the walk afterwards.

posted by chewatadistance 07 June | 07:18

I think I just fell in love with ethylene. That pic made me laugh quite proper.

Oh, rerail: What're you trying to do, kill her off on the first date?

Mongolian has always been iffy. I've had more near death experiences from Mongolian BBQ joints than any other place, and I eat some seriously dodgy takeout.

Also, can I get the address to the "Sex Denny's"? I think I'd like to order a Moons Over My Hammy, a Grand Slam and maybe a Lumberjack Slam for desert. 'Cause I'm ok.

posted by loquacious 07 June | 07:37

Am I the only one who had to look up 'micky taking'?

posted by iconomy 07 June | 08:33

Nope, I had to look it up too.

My advice, seany -- don't go posh on the food, anything else is fine. Can you shovel out your place a bit, just in case? Nothing Martha Stewart, just put things at right angles so they look tidier, and make sure the toilet's clean. If nothing else, doing that will give you something to expend energy on instead of sitting around all Sunday morning getting nervous.

posted by JanetLand 07 June | 09:20

I want to go on a date. I like Art and the Nihilistic Blackness of Alcohol and dodgy bistros. That's me though and I think for this girl maybe you should go Mongolian, because that way you have something to talk about, you know, the old "Ooooh, look at how well these Mongolians are working the wok!" kind of thing. Or there's always a movie & drink afterwards, then you don't need to talk hardly at all. But seriously, relax and have fun, because the chances of her being a serial killer are really quite slim.

posted by mygothlaundry 07 June | 09:23

committed bachelor

I was informed awhile ago that this is code for "homosexual," which can create muchos misunderstandings as I know from personal experience.

Dodgy bistro, definitely. Good luck and may the snog be with you.

posted by sciurus 07 June | 09:32

Thanks all. I’ve not made my mind up where to go. Mongolian is in the lead at the moment. There’s the added advantage of it being out of town & by the Canal, so there’s stuff to do (walking; pointing at stuff) afterwards. I’ll clean the bathroom and make sure downstairs is presentable (just in case a night cap is required). Jeez. I wasn’t nervous at all about this this morning, but the worry is beginning to kick in.

Your advice (web-based and email) was very welcome. I think the most important thing for me to do is to chill out. I generally get freaked out by stuff like this, and I don’t feel I have that much control over my usual fight or flight response, but I’ll be putting on a steely face and repeating the mantra that it’s just a couple of hours, it’s not a big deal, etc.

Updates as I get them.

posted by seanyboy 07 June | 10:42

Seanyboy - just be cool with youself, mon!

1. take her to whatever place you mentioned is your favorite - your love of the joint will show and she'll be happy you took her somewhere that means something to you.

2. forget the sex part. I've only been on one first date in my life that ended up with sex and I ended up having it in the living room of someone else's house! (a friend's place who introduced us - no B and E Sex for LT!)

3. Definitely have a place to go later, or at least know the neighborhood you're in.

Good luck.

posted by Lipstick Thespian 07 June | 11:10

Thing about the sex. I don't really relish the idea of first-date sex, but last time I went out on a date I was blatently asked if I would take the woman home. I refused, explaining that my place was a mess, yada, yada and she was sort of upset about it. I'm guessing (This is in hindsight - At the time I was frantically beep reversing my way out of the conversational cul-de-sac) that she took it as a personal slight, that I'd slapped her brave request back at her.

Plus, given her opinion on men and their "predisposition to screw anything that moved", I think it made her question herself. A "Blokes'll screw anything, but they won't screw me.", sort of thing.

I felt real bad about that, and I don't want a repeat of the situation.

As I said previously - ARGHHHH!

posted by seanyboy 07 June | 11:40

Am I the only one who had to look up 'B and E Sex'?
(Good luck, seanyboy.)

posted by danostuporstar 07 June | 11:52

1) tap noggin with club
2) drag to cave
3) scrozzle mightily

Damn if I understand it, but this is a very old and traditional dating strategy. And given the law of large numbers, there are dating partners who aspire to it.

Consider the case of Mrs. Claus: December 24th is a long, cold night. A woman has needs. Elves are cute. It happens.

As a confirmed bachelor myself, I have found that pleasing one's dating partner requires a sensitivity to their wishes. this may be initially somewhat confusing, but a little discussion, experimentation and flexibility goes a long way.

My mother always told me it never hurts to ask.

posted by warbaby 07 June | 11:54

If the spark was there for me on a first date, I would let the guy know that I was attracted, but wanted to spend more time with him before I slept with him--and I wouldn't be upset hearing this out of his mouth.

Mongolian's fun. There was a place in Hollywood that was my brother's favorite when we were kids.

posted by brujita 07 June | 12:50

Am I the only one who had to look up 'B and E Sex'?

No, and I still don't know what it means.

posted by essexjan 07 June | 13:09

In Florida my friends and I had a "Sex Denny's" which we used to take people just because of that.

I am trying to get my mind around this. . .not doing a very good job.

posted by danf 07 June | 13:11

OK LT . . .what's B and E sex? Jan I I need to know. .for all I know she and I may be having B and E sex right now.

I have no clue either.

posted by danf 07 June | 13:17

Breaking and Entering sex. As in, break into someone's home and have the sex. B and E is shorthand for the police term. At least that's how I understood it, when....

btw, I'd go with the dodgy bistro myself. have fun!

posted by safetyfork 07 June | 13:21

Breaking and Entering or Bonk and Escape

Are you nervous about the date, the woman, or the possibility of sex?
Relax. Listen. Give your honest opinions about things without being rude, until it comes to that. Getting shitfaced drunk would be bad form but you can have a cocktail, right?
This is the getting to know period I've heard so much about.
It should be better than waking up confused the day after, in the long run.

posted by ethylene 07 June | 13:22

Just in case... clean your house. :)

posted by reflecked 07 June | 13:30

You'll be fine, seanyboy.

Although I'd watch out: me and mr. g shagged on our first date and now we're married.

Not to put any more pressure on you or anything...

posted by gaspode 07 June | 13:45

who wants seanyboy to get shagged?
i'm torn. i don't know.

why can't you go to hers?

posted by ethylene 07 June | 13:50

I want seanyboy to get shagged.

posted by punch 07 June | 14:59

B and E sex is indeed, Breaking and Entering Sex. Sorry for the confusion.

posted by Lipstick Thespian 08 June | 18:13

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