I know exactly what you're talking about, and the answer is to not invite FOH as much or at all, and when FOH asks what's going on, say "We need to save money, an it costs us much less when you aren't along for the ride." FOH will get all bent out of shape, for sure, but if he's a true friend he'll think on what you said and start accepting your invitations with a little more change in his pocket.

I know what it's like to have friends screw you over, money-wise. Best bet is to let it go, then not invite him to any similar type outings. If you do, make it clear that everyone's paying their own way.

At restaurants, ask for seperate checks. If you're going to the movies or something like that, buy only your own tickets and food. It feels awful, but it's the only way to prevent it from happening again.

I hate it when that happens! I'd write it off this time (because at this point it would be really awkward to mention), but before the next trip, get together with him and bring up the budget for the upcoming trip. Talk about how much money is needed for each aspect, and make it crystal clear that you don't have extra money to lend. Write everything down on paper, and have a copy for him. Ask him if he wants to be in charge of the budget, because being the person who's always collecting money from other people is a sucky job.

This guy could be a cheapskate, or he could just be a person who's really bad with money, and doesn't like to think about it. Force him to think about it!

It sounds to me like you and/or your husband are always the collectors. Why not sit back next time you and friends go out to dinner, and let someone else have the hassle of figuring out who owes what? It might help them become more aware of the fact that there are taxes and tips on the check.

I don't want to be judged by the company I keep, but the few times we've relinquished the 'collecting' duty at restaurants and things came up short, the solution was, "well, I guess there's no tip then. Oh well!" - which means we needed to add another $20 or whatever because we're not going to let the waiter get screwed. We're in our 20's, but farther along on the maturity/real world progression than most of our friends.

Yeah, I've been in this position as well. Different things work with different people. With one friend, we each put in $200 before the trip, and used that as the communal pool and divided up what was left at the end. That worked well. With another person, we just saved all of the reciepts so we could work it all out (after she had insisted the time before that she had paid her share).

It's hard to tell from your OP if you and your spouse have different attiudes about the money issue. Is it that hubby makes enough money that he feels he can cut the person some slack, and you are the only one feeling put upon by this? Or do you and hubby both feel taken advantage of? I don't want to pry, but I can't help but wonder if there's communication issues lying behind the surface problem.

I've never done it for travel, but I loved the system one former roommate had where any time one of us bought something for the house, we'd write our name on the receipt and stick it in a box in the kitchen. Then once a month we'd total up everyone's contributions and see who owed what to whom.

I would imagine a receipt envelope could work just as well for trips.

I think, too, it's hard when you've got a single person and a couple traveling together. Whenever I've been on either side of that triangle, the money has never quite felt fair (when to split in half? when to split in thirds?). I'm sure it's *been* fair, but it's always *felt* off.

You should have done it at the time. Taking the 40 bucks and asking for more money afterwards is going to seem petty. You're probably going to have to chalk this one up to experience.

Alternatively,
- send him an itemised invoice for his share. I always find it an amusing way of proving this particular point.
- Mention in passing that you didn't realise at the time how much it cost, and was he aware that the whole trip cost more than $300.00. (This gives him the opportunity to say... "really - I never realised it was so much, I should give you more money" without losing face.

I've got a question though.
Was the $120.00 for hotel for all three of you? If not, (and it was just for you and hubby) then with the $40 he threw in for gas and the $20 he paid on cabs, then he probably ended up spending around abouts $180.00 dollars for the trip himself. (Single supplements and all) This begins to sounds fair.

Would you have both gone if FOH hadn't tagged along? If he felt he was tagging along as a favour to the hubby and you'd have spent that anyway, and he'd have been as happy staying at home, then he's got a point in not wanting to pay.

Also, Double Check what the hubby said to him. He could have been offered some of the trip by your husband in a way that made him feel that it was a gift from the two of you. This may explain hubbies reticence to ask for an equal share.

Rereading... $40 was paid by him for the hotel, so...
He borrowed the $20 for souveniers, so you'll get that back.
Hotel has been paid for...

This leaves...

Gas, $110,
parking $18,
cab fares, $20
Total: $148
Divided by 3 gives $50
He paid $20 for the cab fares
So, he's actually short by $30
Your husband's OK with his end of the debt,
Which leaves him owing you $15

That's not a huge amount of money to get worked up about.
& are you absolutely sure that he didn't buy anything else.

These things are fucking tough.

I had a few cheap friends in college that would always skimp on restaurant checks. Unfortunately, I'm the kind of person that instinctively takes charge of the bill and I'm also inclined to tip well. I'd constantly see my generous tip go to cover the shortfall of others and I got in plenty of arguments about. But eventually I just had to accept it--I could afford it, and my friends couldn't. The alternative of them would've been to stay home and I'd rather pick up their slack instead of missing out on their company. The trick is to keep from being abused for your generosity.

Good God, I need a copy editor.

To clear up a couple of the questions...

Is it that hubby makes enough money that he feels he can cut the person some slack, and you are the only one feeling put upon by this? Or do you and hubby both feel taken advantage of?

We're better off than most of our friends, but not so much so that we can afford to pay their way all of the time. Maybe some of the confusion comes from the fact that there are times we do treat, and we're pretty generous if friends help out with big favors like moving or home projects.

And for seanyboy's questions - we all shared the room. Actually, originally it was just going to be the two of them, then they invited me. (FOH's idea, so I don't think there were issues there at all.) We (the couple) shared the one bed and he had another to himself. It is always shaky when it's a couple and a single, and I see no problem with the split being 2/3 couple, 1/3 single. And when he gave the $40 to my husband, my husband said, "OK, but what about gas and stuff?" at which point he brought up that he'd paid for the cabs.

Anyway though... as much as I want him to pay us back the $ he borrowed for souvenirs and throw some cash our way for gas, I'm not going to worry about $50 that much. It's not really the $50 that bothers me as much as the fact that it happens a lot, I guess. I really like gaspode's idea about creating a community fund before the start of the trip though, I think we'll try that for next time,.

Yeah, it sounds like it's not worth pursuing this time, but you've got some strategies to lay the groundwork for more equitable distribution in the future.

With all due respect I suggest a brisk slap with an open hand. Friends simply do not treat each other like that.

I had a pair of friends who would always come up short during outings. A large group of work friends got together for drinks and dinner. They were already at the bar with another co-worker when most of us arrived. When our table was ready, they walked off, leaving the other person with the bar tab. During dinner they kept drinking wine, had expensive entrees, and ordered appetizers. But when the bill came, they pitched in what they thought they owed, and quickly left. Turned out not to be nearly enough, and we wanted to make sure our waitperson got a good tip (excellent service). I ended up paying $50.00 myself when my share (tip included) should have been $30.00, and that was just me. Other people chipped in way too much also, just to cover the bill. No one else wanted to invite them anymore, which made it awkward as I've known this couple all my life. It gets so tricky, with friends. So I agree with the seperate check ideas, and the budget ideas. Best of luck.

On the one hand: Hubby is right; it's not worth a few bucks; FOH will make you feel like shit for asking for what's rightly yours.

OTOH: Don't be in a position to travel with him again. Tell hubby that if FOH cannot pay his share, he is NOT welcome to share your transportation, hospitality, mealtime, or your WALLET.

Meh, my friends and I have gotten so lazy about splitting bills, etc. We all just sort of keep a running tally in our head, and the person who's down treats people to dinner.

"Unfortunately, I'm the kind of person that instinctively takes charge of the bill and I'm also inclined to tip well."
The trick there is to take the check and divvy it up (so..."everyone owes 20 including tip, except Mark who had an extra beer - he owes 24"). Then, when one of your friends says, "oh, I don't have the cash", give him or her the bill and have them charge it, while everyone else repays in cash. If conscientiously done, who charges gets spread about pretty evenly.

There's nothing to do about this. You can't politely call him out. Your options are to suck it and take the financial hit, or drop him.

You sort of have to search your feelings, like Luke, in order to know which option is more true.