MetaChat - "Jeff and Mary" or "Mary and Jeff"?

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21 April 2006

"Jeff and Mary" or "Mary and Jeff"? Which name do you put first, the person you knew first? The person who you know/like better? Whichever sounds best?→[More:]
If you kind of knew Jeff for a while, but then became good friends with Mary, would it be kind of rude to call them "Mary and Jeff"? Or do you not get the order of a couple's names fixed in your mind at all, and vary it at your whim?

I think I would pretty much always put the person I knew longest in first place. I can think of one couple where I became really good friends with Jeff, and "Mary and Jeff" became "Jeff and Mary", even though I had known Mary for many more years. I can even remember a transitional period where I switched back and forth.

post by: agropyron at: 09:52 | 27 comments

I usually always put the woman's name first. Don't know why. Social training? For example, "Pam & Eric" even though Eric is my friend more than Pam. But I think our address labels my dear say "Thane & Juli-Ann". How did I miss that?!

posted by Diva Despina 21 April | 09:59

Over and Thinking.

posted by Wolfdog 21 April | 09:59

Gee, I have never considered the implications of the order in which I say a couple's name. Really, I don't think it matters at all. Neither way is rude, and I doubt most people even think about it. If anything, if I were Mary and knew your system, I might be a little hurt if you suddenly switched to "Jeff and Mary"; in your view it seems to indicate that you've become closer with Jeff than with your old pal Mary.

posted by amro 21 April | 09:59

Or, what Wolfdog said.

posted by amro 21 April | 10:00

Oooh, that's another good point, darling wife. For formal invitations and addresses, are you traditionally supposed to put the man first?

posted by agropyron 21 April | 10:00

Hey, overthinking things is my stock in trade.

posted by agropyron 21 April | 10:04

How about Mr. and Mrs. Jeff?

posted by mullacc 21 April | 10:04

But you never say "Jelly and Peanut Butter".. it's always Peanut Butter and Jelly, right? So there has to be a correct order to some couplings..

posted by Diva Despina 21 April | 10:05

The person I knew first usually gets top billing but I've never really thought about it until now.

posted by arse_hat 21 April | 10:06

How about Mr. and Mrs. Jeff?

A lot of women (myself included) are not really fans of the "Mr. and Mrs. Jeff Jones" thing. We've got our own first names, and using only one of the couple's first names when referring to both may denote (or feel like it's denoting) that less significance is being given to the unnamed person. It's not a big deal to me, but it really irritates the heck out of some people.

posted by amro 21 April | 10:15

A lot of women

I should have said "people," not "women."

posted by amro 21 April | 10:17

heh, I was kidding. It's incredible offensive, I think.

posted by mullacc 21 April | 10:17

"Jeff and assorted possessions"

posted by agropyron 21 April | 10:19

I switch around a great deal, and often I'll carelessly mention one of them, just to keep them on their toes. The more I mix things up, the less likely they are to tell me collective opinions on things: "We loved Highlander," or, "We think Barbara Bush is a cunt." I'd much rather hear one of them say "I think..." and then the other pipe in, "Me too," or "I agree."

I don't know why I think these are intertwined, but it's my mind and I'll do with it as I please.

posted by Hugh Janus 21 April | 10:24

Carelessly mention only one of them, Hugh. Clarity isn't just for butter.

posted by Hugh Janus 21 April | 10:25

If it's informal and I'm not really thinking about it much, the person I knew first goes first.

posted by matildaben 21 April | 10:29

However it falls off my tongue. . .

posted by danf 21 April | 10:39

Generally speaking, I put the woman's name first, but if it's the man who is really my friend, his name goes first. There's not so much in the way of rules for this situation because by the time you get to using people's first names, things are very informal.

posted by JanetLand 21 April | 10:56

I just go with whatever rolls most trippingly off the tongue.

posted by Miko 21 April | 11:00

Whichever sounds better, usually. For example, "Jonathan and Linda" works better than "Linda and Jonathan" because the latter has two vowels together and I have to break them up, whereas the 'n' at the end of 'Jonathan' flows right into that vowel. My English tongue thinks that "thanand" works better than "da'and".

Now, if the vowels are farther apart than that, they flow better. "Julie and Rob" is better than "Rob and Julie", in my mind. Now I'm going to be thinking about this all day and actually using my phonology training.

Mrs. and Mr. Mary?

posted by heatherann 21 April | 11:01

See, I always assumed that I just used whichever sounded better. But then I noticed that MY friends us "Thane & Juli-Ann" and HER friends call us "Juli-Ann & Thane".

posted by agropyron 21 April | 11:04

Not that I'm using this to gauge who likes me better. I just like to overthink.

posted by agropyron 21 April | 11:07

If I subconsciously want to have an affair with the woman then I'll probably list her name first.

posted by Space Coyote 21 April | 11:10

Note: It starts to become obvious if you call them "Hottie & Jerkface".

posted by agropyron 21 April | 11:20

I used to do it woman first, but with women's lib, I just say it alphabetically. It makes a fun game, to alphabetize things in my head.

posted by Eideteker 21 April | 12:10

I just spent entirely too much time thinking about how I do this, and I haven't the foggiest.

I came up with a complicated theory that explains all my examples, but I doubt it's true. I think I just pick something that either sounds good, or is distinct from other couples we know.

posted by I Love Tacos 21 April | 16:24

I have never thought about this before but, now that I do, I think I always put the male first in a couple.

Damn you, now I have another thing to obsess over!

posted by dg 23 April | 22:41

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