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18 April 2006
This thread is a confession booth. Bless you, my child.→[More:]Now, spill your guts. I promise the penance will be light.
Fuzzbean: God works in mysterious ways. If he needed to call your teacher home, your fudge egg was just the means by which he did so. You are absolved. Do not avoid chocolate.
Omiewise: Feeling comes in aid of feeling, and diversity of strength attends you, if but once you have been strong. (Wordsworth).
jonmc, mike9322, LF: In this here confessional, those are not considered sins. In this new theology we know them as siGns. Signs and wonders. Signs of living breathing loving happy humanity.
But mike, slow down just a bit there. We don't need anything catching fire.
I always wanted to seduce a (hot, youngish) priest. Unfortunately, that's me plus 70 percent of the female congregation and 98% of the other priests, so I dropped that idea as too mainstream, as well as statistically unpromising. Forgive me.
i feel really weird about this dream I had two nights ago. I don't know what it means, but it's really confusing and upsetting me. I feel strange even posting it here.
My fiancee, an ex girlfriend (with whom I'm still friends with, and am good friends with her husband), and old friend from high school all tried to kill me with the same letter opener (just now realized it was a silver one my father had). 3 separate occassions. I killed the old friend, but the fiancee and ex-gf were just afterthoughts (there was no action, just "I can't believe she tried to kill me"). I didn't tell her about it. I wanted to, but I just didn't know what the right thing to do was. I guess I just didn't want to hurt her.
Nothing has changed - I still love her, but can't help but wonder what could be going on in my head. What this really means. The only thing I can think of is that deep down I think she is killing me. But that doesn't seem right. God, she would be so hurt if she knew I was confiding here instead of with her. Should I tell her?
Jeez, i know this isn't really a confession...it seemed right to comment at the time...really sorry if this blows the fun here.
hellbient, can you think of ways that those three people are connected (emotionally for you, I mean, not like "They all met in 1992")? And are there any stresses/weirdnesses going on with you and your fiancee or ex right now?
(And I have to confess, your post is a bit confusing to me. Who's the "she" you're concerned about the -- the ex, or your fiancee?)
Without having any info about you or your life, I would maybe start with the idea that you feel these three people have tried to change you (symbolically kill the "old" you), maybe? It sounds in any event like your brain's linking up the ex and the fiancee -- are you having issues with your fiancee that remind you of arguments you had with your ex?
I've also had dreams about exes being awful to me when I was worried about being vulnerable with a new boyfriend -- like my psyche making me work through whether the new guy was trustworthy.
sorry it was confusing, I'm a little anxious about it so it probably didn't come out correctly. The "she" is most definitely my fiancee. The ex is happily married, so I'm not too worried about her. I do see her (the ex) a few times a year, and just spent time upstate recently with her husband (The whole crime scene did, at some point, shift to their woodsy house).
There's really no connection I can think of between the ex and the fiancee. They've met, but are nothing alike, and I don't see any connections with the relationship. Maybe it has to do with the fact that she's married, and I'm about to get married? Hmmm. That could be something - I do have this fear (more of a curiousity really) that marriage is going to change me for the worse, and that I won't be allowed the freedoms I once had. But it doesn't keep me awake at night, and I generally feel positive about getting married.
The weird thing is, it's been pretty much business as usual with the fiancee. Some bickering here and there, but nothing out of the ordinary.
The high school friend I haven't seen in over a decade, and we weren't really that close. He was, however, the only person I know that went to Operation Desert Storm. I tried to get in touch with him or a relative around that time, but didn't get anywhere. He had a shaved head in the dream, so the military connection is definitely there. Perhaps he's sort of the "manly" side of me?
Thanks occhiblu, i was starting to get upset that no one had responded.
The marriage thing I could definitely see. And I could get all Freudian about phallic-object letter openers, but I'll try to refrain.
The "manly side" idea is really interesting. I can certainly see the dream as acting out that fear.
Or, I guess, maybe you're conquering your bachelor ways (killing the friend) or your high-school image of yourself (manly aggressive man); but in relationships (ex and fiancee) you're able to keep yourself intact, no matter how they try to change you?
I'm rambling a bit here, just some ideas to think about, I guess.
I do have this fear (more of a curiousity really) that marriage is going to change me for the worse, and that I won't be allowed the freedoms I once had.
That's worth noticing. I like occhiblu's breakdown of the possibilities, too. The fact that it's your father's letter opener is interesting. WE don't need to go all Freudian about that, but it's interesting that the weapon of choice was something of his. How did you view your parents' marriage?
Also, try my Dream-O-Meter Diagnostic Tool: Take a notebook and write a couple of paragraphs from the point of view of each character in the dream. Explore why the characters think they're doing what they're doing. Generally, this type of exercise helps to point you to what these people represent for you. Don't forget to speak from the point of view of the letter opener, too.
can't help but wonder what could be going on in my head. What this really means....Should I tell her?
Maybe after you've calmed down and understand it a bit better. Not right now, though. Seriously: it was just a dream. Dreams talk in symbols. Things stand for other things. The truth is, even good events that we look forward to are stressful. Any change, even good change, means leaving behind something of the old life. I don't think you literally believe getting married is going to kill you or ruin your life. But it is a different life stage that you're moving into. I agree with occhiblu that it's more about maturity and change.
thank you thank you thank you...I think that's definitely getting there. I don't know that it was my father's letter opener, but he had one just like it, although it was sharper like a knife in the dream. In any case, it's close enough for a dream to be his I suppose.
My parents should be divorced really. There's some sort of understanding they've come to that I've missed, that makes them not completely miserable I guess, so saying they're unhappy is, I've learned, somewhat presumptuous on my part. My Dad is pretty much an asshole and my mother just tries to make sure things aren't completely miserable between them. I guess.
I have started to look forward to being married, but it is diving into the unknown, so with that naturally comes some fear.
I wrote the dream down, but didn't expand on it's meaning much...talking it out helped me get a better grasp on it.
Miko - I'll try your exercise.
Thanks Miko and occhiblu - good work! - I really didn't want to post a FPP about it because it's kinda personal. I was kind of miserable all day because no one responded for a good while, even with a reminder. So you spared me (all of us, really) an embarrassing, angry post about feeling dissed by everyone, blahblah...
Awwww. We do care, really. And I was going to respond ealier, but like I said I was a bit confused about who did what to whom, and I didn't just want to jump in and start analyzing all willy-nilly...
Ya gotta beware willy-nillyness.
In any event, it sounds like you have a good handle on basic themes.
And yeah, I don't think it's a major reason to freak out, or freak out your fiancee. Sounds like pretty normal, healthy worries -- more like it's your head working things through rather than your brain sending you a big red "STOP!" sign.
yeah, death in a dream is definitely not the same as death in real life, so if you kill people or they're trying to kill you it doesn't mean there's negative intent or hurtfulness or anything. I think death is usually considered a transformation in dreams... the same way pregnancy in dreams isn't about having a family; it's more likely a general symbol for creativity.
The idea that marriage is going to change you seems like a very plausible interpretation. Change is not inherently negative. It should change you, really - symbolically, you're becoming one person with someone else, committing to a new "you" that is the both of you. Sure, it's just the next step in a relationship that's already strong, etc, but this ritual is meant to represent your embracing and committing to no longer being just the independent you, but to really taking on a different level of relations, where you are seriously bonded forever with someone else. it is impossible not to change who you are when you do this - it's a contradiction in terms, like wanting your cake and having it too. to gain the intimacy, comfort, closeness, of a secure & endless bond, you lose the independence, spontaneity, etc, of the single life.
Obviously in real life it's a continuum, and the actual ceremony of marriage doesn't necessarily mark a significant turning point, but the basic point stands. so many aspects of life involve choices which we think of in stark terms as all good or all bad, but in reality, there is yin in all yang, & vice-versa. A choice for something is also a choice against everything that it is not, and any direction we go means foregoing other things. I really think most reflective and multi-faceted people go through turbulence over big decisions/turning points, even when they don't have doubts about it, just because it means leaving a different version of you behind
oh, on preview, i'm late as usual! but i already wrote it so will lob it off into the aether anyway.
hellbient, I'm sorry you spent so many hours awaiting a response. The truth is, I love the language of dreams and love trying to explore them with people. But someone upthread said I was good at dream interpretation and I got performance anxiety. It wasn't until occhiblu jumped in that I found my confidence.
But the whole experience is probably a cathartic one for you. You aren't doomed to repeat your parents' marriage, though on some level that might be a fear you have. But I am beyond certain that you wouldn't be marrying someone that you weren't confident about. Your mind is probably just trying to awaken you to the awareness that your relationship with your fiancee and wife-to-be will as good as you make it, as long as you remain true to yourself even within the marriage.
awww, i feel loved. I think I was just freaking out about telling her I had a dream where she tried to kill me and having no explanation for it. It makes a lot of sense now, though. Thanks for your kind and meaningful words, all 3 of you...it means alot to me.
Sorry about hi-jacking the thread, then bitching about no one responding immediately. It wasn't so much here, cuz this thread was pretty dead when i first posted it, but I brought it up in the shouting thread and it got ignored. That kinda hurt, as it was the first time I'd really reached out here about something deeply personal. I was probably being a little sensitive though...
You should probably never feel too shy about asking for attention and support around here. That's the name of the game. Even the shouting thread came about because EJ's post in another thread had scrolled down so far no one was reading any more. She just started a new thread.
So whine, bunny people. Whine loud, whine proud, get what you need. That's what this gig is all about.
I didn't think this was shy, but perhaps not shouty enough, or something. It's very easy to get conspiratorial about these things. In any case, I'll live to whine another day.
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