I'll do it. What's their email address?

mellorfan AT gmail dot com

*is glad he is an autonomous contractor entity and is responsible for no one but himself*

It's a good thing we're drinking tonight- I'm gonna need it.

AUGHHHH!

/gives himself a verbal warning...hopes that's enough.

You could fire me as practice. I don't want to work anymore anyways.

Ok- gaspode, I'm really sorry, but I don't think you're going to work out here at this company. Please take your things and GET THE FUCK OUT.

Sweeeeet.

I fire people all the time. It's awesome.

No. Not really. Not at all.

So what's your advice?

Did you use an agency to hire them? Then you wouldn't be the one to let them go anyway.

Co-employment issues.

If you did the hiring directly, don't feel guilty. The fact of the matter is that this person is not qualified to do the job you brought them into do.

If 90% of your job is done using Excel and said person can't use it, then I would simply let the person know that it is a necessary skill for the position and had you known that their skills were not up to par, you wouldn't have brought them in. (Stern, unapologetic is key. You didn't misrepresent the position. They misrepresented their skills).

If you can, let them go now and pay them for the whole day. It will cost you a days wage but better than keeping someone on who takes twice the time to do the job. And you give them a little something, despite whether or not they deserve it.

How about I just hire you to come and do it?

Juuuust kidding. The worker is going to finish out the day, but then I will let her know her services will no longer be needed.

I will hoist a hefty beverage in your honor today TPS. Is now too early?

A propos of nothing, I will probably last out the week in my current job, but not much more. It makes me so unhappy. Quitting sucks. I work hard. Fuck 'em.

Now is not too early, in fact I really could use a drink *right now*

(trying to fire said worker- there's something of a language barrier and I'm not sure they're understanding that they're being fired and oh lord now they're understanding and there is crying how does anyone do this and still sleep at night??!??!?!?!)

What is it the skill that they lack, ThePinkSuperhero?

The ability to use Microsoft Excel. They said in the interview they knew how to use it, when in fact they did not.

I made a mother of 3 CRY, y'all. Where's my drink now? :-(

hey, I'm the excel-fucking'-master. I'll do her job for her and she can just sit there.

You're hired! You can do her job and she can get the money and I can lose the guilt. :-D

What if you hire me to do the job from Asheville? I am an Excel Queen! I can totally do excel. Then my children will be fed and it will completely cancel out your mother firing guilt and/or associated bad karma.

I built a time machine in Excel once. Me and my sister-in-law traveled back in time to steal gold from the Yucatan. We then came back in time, bought thousands of boxes of hostess cupcakes, and went back in time to sell them for more gold.

On a more serious note, I didn't even know Excel could DO some of the things they use it for at my new job. I'm both impressed and awed.