MetaChat - I hate job agencies.

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10 February 2006

I hate job agencies. And I can't help but feel that they treat people in IT very differently.→[More:]
They keep asking me what new technologies I want to learn and going on about how learning is so important. Listen to me you morons: I DON'T FUCKING CARE - JUST GET ME A MOTHERFUCKING JOB YOU USELESS SONS OF BITCHES.

They then witter on about how I should be maximising my earnings potential: YOU MIGHT BE A SALESPERSON BUT I, PRAISE THE FUCKING LORD, AM NOT. GO SHARE YOUR SAD LITTLE WET DREAMS WITH YOUR MISERABLE SALESGIT FRIENDS.

They think I'm interested in promotion and that I want to know what my career prospects are at any prospective company: YEAH, I WANT TO BE THE FUCKING CEO AND SIT ON MY FAT ARSE DOING NOTHING FOR A SQUILLION DOLLARS AN HOUR AND BECOME SUCH AN UNBEARABLE FUCKING BURDEN THEY HAVE TO GIVE ME AN ISLAND OF MY OWN JUST TO GET RID OF ME. NO, NOT REALLY YOU IDIOT, I DON'T WANT TO BE A MANAGER I JUST WANT (and I'm in danger of being repetitive here) A MOTHERFUCKING JOB!!!!

"Where do you see yourself in five to eight years time?" IN A CARDBOARDBOX UNDER A FUCKING BRIDGE. NOW GET ME A JOB!

Jesus, when did being unambitious become such a crime?

Seriously, do carpenters have this problem?
"So Mr Carpenter, where do you see yourself in five years time?"
"Well Mr Wanker Shit-Arse, I've worked with pine for many years now but would really like to move into more modern woods such as MDF"

I think it's time to think about working in a different industry.

post by: dodgygeezer at: 11:37 | 15 comments

"Well Mr Wanker Shit-Arse, I've worked with pine for many years now but would really like to move into more modern woods such as MDF"

Oh christ...heeeee. Sorry to laugh but that's freaking hilarious.

posted by iconomy 10 February | 11:40

Your answer: "I'm a professional who has spent considerable time and effort to specialize in what I do.

"I take great pride in doing what I do well, and I'm humble enough to know that I can only be really seriously proficient at two or three or maybe five things. So I concentrate on those things -- that's the professional skill set what makes me saleable -- and I don't attenuate my efforts by trying to learn to be half-assed at things outside my specialty.

"I hope that you have clients who desire -- and need -- a specialist professional, and I think you'll find it in the interest of your success to do your best to make those client aware for what I offer them."

posted by orthogonality 10 February | 11:50

My god ico, I was dying too.

posted by richat 10 February | 11:52

"Do you have courses on becoming an effective career counselor? Maybe we could sign up together."

"How much more than you do I need to make to justify disregarding your advice? You don't seem to be maximizing your earning potential here."

posted by Hugh Janus 10 February | 12:07

"Listen, sonny-pumpkin, I've been jamming machines since 1970. Back in those days, we had to hand-enter the boot loader in binary with toggle switches. We walked to school barefoot in the snow and it was uphill both ways. In the winter, we wrapped our feet in barbed wire for traction."

"I write in several dozen languages, have dealt with over thirty distinct operating systems and I pronounce 'modem' correctly because I know it stands for Modulator-Demodulator. I could give a rat's ass about picking up a new language, since they are all ALGOL-based for the most part and ALGOL bored me when Nixon was president. So why don't you just pick up that phone and use it for a communication device instead of a scoop for removing earwax and get me a new master?"

*pause two beats*

"You twit."

posted by warbaby 10 February | 12:08

Definately the best rant I've read all year.

posted by danostuporstar 10 February | 12:26

They had better treat us differently. Without us to pimp, they'd be making cold calls trying to sell telephone sanitizing services.

posted by Triode 10 February | 12:26

Mah... dem?

posted by Specklet 10 February | 12:28

Maw Deem?

posted by furtive 10 February | 13:03

Muad'Dib?

posted by selfnoise 10 February | 13:09

Ah, nice (not nice) to see that even IT Pros get the same whacking stick the rest of us non-specialized downtrodden receive at the hands of our cement-headed overlords.

Sorry, Dodgy, I've been on the dole and semi-employed since October 2004 dealing with these rugrats.

We need to meet and drink pints and plan our escape.

Meantime, listen to the Super Furry Animals and remember this sage advice: The Man Don't Give a Fuck About Us.

posted by Lipstick Thespian 10 February | 13:40

Maw-duhm (the final schwa is due to my native Pacific NW accent.)

My sister won't go into electronic stores since one time when a young sales snirp in a $150 suit patronized me by correcting my pronunciation of modem to establish his superior knowledge. I tore quite a strip off of him with something very similar to the above rant.

*fumes*

posted by warbaby 10 February | 14:43

They keep asking me what new technologies I want to learn.

I'm not an agency person, but I'd ask all development interviewees this. Firstly because I get to see which side of the Slashdot curve they live on, and secondly it's a good way of working out if they have the curiosity that I consider a necessary prerequisite for programming work.

Similar with the money/promotion question. IT Geeks don't tend to be as money orientated as normal people, so it's an indicator (not a good one, mind) of a specific mindset.

posted by seanyboy 10 February | 15:34

I'm not an agency person, but I'd ask all development interviewees this.

And if you asked me I'd be delighted to answer. But these gits just want to play buzzword bingo.

I guess I should just make stuff up. "Uh yeah, I'd like to get a CCDF in SpankWaz firewalls, do some development work in Cruft and rewrite the kernel for Bollux"

posted by dodgygeezer 10 February | 15:49

warbaby: That reminds me of one of my favorite webcomics, "Queen of Wands" and the story arc where the protagonist just wanted to get some memory sticks and the poor, deluded souls at the electronics store kept trying to sell her a complete system. One of the punch lines was something like, "I had no idea it could be inserted that way" or something like that.

posted by TrishaLynn 10 February | 16:43

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