MetaChat - Best Euphemism for Masturbation?

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27 January 2006

Best Euphemism for Masturbation? This used to be a hobby among my pals. How do you refer to self-love?→[More:]My favorites include: Rubbing one out, choking the chicken, making the snake spit and "milking".

What's your favorite?

post by: fenriq at: 11:20 | 44 comments

"Commenting on MetaFilter"

posted by orthogonality 27 January | 11:22

five-knuckle shuffle

posted by Hugh Janus 27 January | 11:23

my favorite for female masturbation is "punching the chipmunk"

posted by sciurus 27 January | 11:25

"Making the baby Jesus cry"

posted by Capn 27 January | 11:27

Putting Mr. Kleenex's kids through college.

posted by jonmc 27 January | 11:29

masturbation or thinking up euphemisms for?

have no favourites (oddly). and i can't think of any situations in which i would refer to it (except ironically). maybe i'm a square.

sorry, i'd love to witter on some more, but i've got a date with my palm. back in 5.

posted by flopsy 27 January | 11:31

Shaking hands with the governor, firing the flesh musket or maliciously spitting in the face of an uncaring and insane god are my current faves.

posted by Divine_Wino 27 January | 11:33

Shoving a highway cone up my ass while I slap vaseline all over my wang and furtively try to turn the pages of Pet Fancier magazine without getting them all greasy (I borrowed it from a coworker).

posted by Hugh Janus 27 January | 11:36

Euphemism, Hugh, you idiot!

posted by Hugh Janus 27 January | 11:37

anyway, strange hobby that, fenriq. was it hands only?

i love it when you talk dirty, hugh.

posted by flopsy 27 January | 11:37

Here a Canadian one: "Pulling the goalie"

Fun word: dysphemism

posted by Capn 27 January | 11:45

Buzz off.

posted by rainbaby 27 January | 11:46

Tinsel on the tree.

posted by danostuporstar 27 January | 11:48

You know, Capn, in that dysphemism definition, they define "that sucks" as shorthand for "that sucks dick," which is wrong.

It's shorthand for "that sucks shit."

posted by Hugh Janus 27 January | 11:49

firing the flesh musket
My god, I love the Wino.

Capn, around here "pulling the goalie" refers to trying to conceive.

As for me, I like "flicking the bean."

posted by jrossi4r 27 January | 11:57

Greasin' my skillet.

posted by greasy_skillet 27 January | 11:58

It's too bad there's not some way for people to edit Wikipedia artilces, eh?

"browsing the internet"

posted by Capn 27 January | 11:58

Loving the wino is a good one too.

Pulling the goalie is brilliant.

Oh, oh Canada!

Greasin' my skillet.

hahahahahahahahah!

posted by Divine_Wino 27 January | 11:59

"Stimulating the economy"

posted by Capn 27 January | 12:01

Patting the man in the little canoe
Stroking the peachfish
Topping the tuna taco

posted by jrossi4r 27 January | 12:05

Mixing up the special sauce.

posted by jonmc 27 January | 12:06

Perusing the monthlies.

posted by Hugh Janus 27 January | 12:08

Reliving my adolescence.

posted by Divine_Wino 27 January | 12:10

Meeting Madame Palm and her 5 beautiful daughters.

posted by seanyboy 27 January | 12:11

among Puerto Rican New Yorkers: that's known as meeting up with your five novias named Manuela.

posted by jonmc 27 January | 12:17

Fucking a particularly horny inflatable doll with the curtains wide open and the neighbors, aged 5, 12, 19, 52, and 54, watching from the street.

posted by Hugh Janus 27 January | 12:18

for the ladies: "Fishing for compliments"

posted by Capn 27 January | 12:32

making a snowcone
coaxing the protein
ruining the dashboard
making hair gel
putting out the 5 alarm fire
postponing suicide
checking out some books
going to the movies
listening to Slayer
visiting Central Park
tagging the tile

posted by Hellbient 27 January | 12:33

"Discovering the Fountain of Youth"

"Shooting Darts"

"Chillin' at the Lookout Tower"

posted by moonbird 27 January | 12:35

jonmc's comment reminds me of another euphemism, "tango con mano."

I like "roughing up the suspect."

"A date with Pamela Handerson" makes me laugh.

posted by horsewithnoname 27 January | 12:36

These are fan-effing-tastic!

I love "firing the flesh musket" and "Pulling the goalie" especially!

Thanks, MeCha, you making my Friday start off great. Now if it ends well (we're playing cards tonight) I'll be even happier!

posted by fenriq 27 January | 12:42

wow, "chillin' at the lookout tower" is so creepy and loaded (pun sort of intended).

Creating a Jackson Pollack.
for girls:
browsing with the trackball.

posted by Hellbient 27 January | 13:01

Dishonorable discharge.

posted by drjimmy11 27 January | 13:51

burping the worm

posted by bmarkey 27 January | 14:15

dancing with myself
petting the pearl

The best euphemism for the clitoris is "the little man in the boat."

posted by SassHat 27 January | 14:34

I forgot an old favorite "paintin' the ceiling".

posted by fenriq 27 January | 14:58

Heh, "painting the ceiling" has always been a good one.

I am non-creative, sadly. I say "having a wank" for both males and females.

posted by gaspode 27 January | 15:06

Having a wank is a great one because it's so Amundsen racing to the south pole British bristly mustache tea and bisquits pip pip utilitarian. It's like cleaning the bathtub, just having a wank luv, down in a few.

posted by Divine_Wino 27 January | 15:40

Geeez, y'all beat (ha!) me to it. Except I must note that Madame Palm's first name is Rosie.

posted by deborah 27 January | 16:08

The best euphemism for the clitoris is "the little man in the boat."

Little "man"? What's that you say?

posted by jokeefe 27 January | 16:57

"playing cards" - haha, fenriq, never heard of that one before...

posted by AwkwardPause 27 January | 17:10

I rather enjoy "blowing the Pope's nose".

posted by Triode 27 January | 18:20

I think Mick Jagger said it best:

Walking the dog
I'm just a walking the dog
If you don't know how to do it
I'll show you how to walk the dog

posted by Jimbob 27 January | 21:41

"Hating myself in the morning"
"Feeling the Guilt of Christ's Wrath"
"Stripping the Furniture"

posted by Lipstick Thespian 27 January | 23:17

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