MetaChat - Bust Calculator and Bra Outrage

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02 November 2005

Bust Calculator and Bra Outrage The actual measurements of bras are not the same as they say they are. I for one am mad.→[More:] I got this little measurement dealie in a magazine and so my daughter and I thought, what the hell, we'll measure ourselves. I'm a 40 bust, 36 ribcage. According to the calculator, you're supposed to add 5 inches to your ribcage measurement to get your actual band size, so they say I'm a 40 Nearly A. . . aaugh! Fat and bustless! So I decided to measure my actual bras, all of which are 38 B. The bands vary from 28 inches to 33 inches long. Yes. So, I am all outraged, because now I'll have to go get gigandor band-aid colored padded ugly bras to fit me, the only kind they make in a 40. Why? Because a 38 is actually a 32, and a 40 is actually a 36. Gah! Am I the first person who ever discovered this?

post by: mygothlaundry at: 16:39 | 29 comments

For the record, I have great boobs. Almost Specklet level great. But the Playtex people are telling me I need a 40 inch training bra and I am sad now.

posted by mygothlaundry 02 November | 16:42

Sorry mygothlaundry. We just can't accept your arguement without clear visual evidence.

posted by puke & cry 02 November | 16:51

Playtex is full of crap. They told me I was a 34B, and you know that's not right. Do not worry, I feel sure you have glorious breasts.

However, I have never actually measured my bras, so there might be some interesting discoveries there. In my bra.

posted by Specklet 02 November | 16:54

mgl, bra shopping has long been an exercise in futility. I won't give measurements (or pictures, p & c), but genetics were generous and finding a bra that:

A) Fits
B) Is comfortable
C) Is even the least bit attractive

requires something slightly smaller than an act of God.

I can't even imagine finding a consistent sizing scheme, even within the same brand.

posted by Frisbee Girl 02 November | 17:05

Let's start the This-Don't-Fitty Titty Committee!

posted by jrossi4r 02 November | 17:06

Believe it or not, I've actually been through this with my wife (I once got dragged along for bra shopping, makes a very uncomfortable spouse. Actually, I was tricked. We left the house for something else, but bra shopping was tacked on afterwards).

My wife has a hell of a time finding bras that fit. Most women's clothing is a fucking joke in the measurement department. No one wants to know the truth about their actual size (or at least the clothing companies think they don't), so all the size are intentionally mislabeled, for everything. Worse, it varies in how things are mislabeled in whatever bizarre measurement system is dreamt up for a particular article of clothing from brand to brand. Geez!

Yes, I just went off on a rant about women's clothing measurements.

posted by teece 02 November | 17:11

I just can't get over how all my 38 bras, which I blithely assumed were actually 38 inches long, are more like 31 inches long. It's . . it's a conspiracy! It's not fair! No wonder I hate bras and hardly ever wear them, no wonder they're uncomfortable. Oh yeah, and after I did the calculator on the playtex site, I signed up for the win a free bra thing (what the hell) and get this - they don't even have bras in the size they told me I was.

posted by mygothlaundry 02 November | 17:13

*mouth hangs open in disbelief*

posted by Specklet 02 November | 17:18

You could always hire a younger man to hold them up for you.

posted by Eideteker 02 November | 17:24

I actually enjoy going bra shopping with the missus, teece. I dunno if this means I'm whipped or obsessed.
Also, I didn't know this.

posted by danostuporstar 02 November | 17:32

I've heard tell that you can get tailored titslings.

posted by sciurus 02 November | 17:44

sciurus: true, and they come at no slight price.

posted by Frisbee Girl 02 November | 17:50

Erm. Ok, just curious, but would you be just as annoyed if you'd been buying 31's and they turned out to be 38 inches long?

posted by dreamsign 02 November | 18:00

Yes.

posted by Specklet 02 November | 18:05

Yes. I want it to be the size it says it is.

posted by mygothlaundry 02 November | 18:08

Women are always being lied to about what size things are.
Surely you're all used to it by now.

posted by seanyboy 02 November | 18:11

Here is an example of a custom boobholster.

posted by sciurus 02 November | 18:24

I thought that women's clothing sizes have NO relation to reality. I mean, what the heck is a 0(zero)?!

posted by dreamsign 02 November | 18:30

*smacks sciurus*

posted by Frisbee Girl 02 November | 18:32

upside the back of the head, of course

posted by Frisbee Girl 02 November | 18:33

Hehe, I'm used to that.

posted by sciurus 02 November | 18:35

Gosh.

I've never thought about bra sizing before. I guess it'd come up if I was going to make one. You made me curious.. so i went and measured. My 32B bra "band" is 24.5 inches from hookcatch to hookused.. and 26 inches total. It fits.. they all fit.

I can't try the Playtex site; they won't play with the Safari browser.

Got this message:

Microsoft VBScript runtime error '800a01a8'

Object required: 'ITEM(...)'

/perfect-fit/fit-results.asp, line 442

I'm not sure what all this means. i always thought that the diff between tit-measure vs rib-measure determined cup size, but now I just feel indignant for you, mygothlaundry. Boycott Playtex? Contact your country's Bureau of Measures and Standards?

posted by reflecked 02 November | 18:35

♫Otto Titsling, inventor and kraut,
had nothing to get very worked up about.
His inventions were failures, his future seemed bleak.
He fled to the opera at least twice a week.

One night at the opera he saw an Aida
who's t-ts were so big they would often impede her.
Bug-eyed he watched her fall into the pit,
done in by the weight of those terrible t-ts.

Oh, my god! There she blows!
Aerodynamically this bitch was a mess.
Otto eyeballed the diva lying comatose amongst the reeds,
and he suddenly felt the fire of inspiration
flood his soul. He knew what he had to do!
He ran back to his workshop
where he futzed and futzed and futzed.

For Otto Titsling had found his quest:
to lift and mold the female breast;
to point the small ones to the sky;
to keep the big ones high and dry!

Every night he'd sweat and snort
searching for the right support.
He tried some string and paper clips.
Hey! He even tried his own two lips!

Well, he stitched and he slaved
and he slaved and he stitched
until finally one night, in the wee hours of morning,
Otto arose from his workbench triumphant.
Yes! He had invented the worlds first
over-the-shoulder-boulder-holder. Hooray!

Exhausted but ecstatic he ran
down the street to the diva's house
bearing the prototype in his hot little hand.
Now, the diva did not want to try the darn thing on.
But, after many initial misgivings,
she finally did.
And the sigh of relief that issued forth
from the diva's mouth
was so loud that it was mistaken by some
to be the early onset of the Siroccan Winds
which would often roll through the Schwarzwald
with a vengeance!
Ahhhhh-i!

But little did Otto know,
at the moment of his greatest triumph,
lurking under the diva's bed
was none other than the very worst
of the French patent thieves,
Philippe DeBrassiere.
And Phil was watching the scene
with a great deal of interest!

Later that night, while our Brun Hilda slept,
into the wardrobe Philippe softly crept.
He fumbled through knickers and corsets galore,
'til he found Otto's titsling and he ran out the door.

Crying, "Oh, my god! What joy! What bliss!
I'm gonna make me a million from this!
Every woman in the world will wanna buy one.
I can have all the goods manufactured in Taiwan."

"Oh, thank you!"

The result of this swindle is pointedly clear:
Do you buy a titsling or do you buy a brassiere?♫

-Bette Midler

posted by sciurus 02 November | 18:44

Bravo

posted by Frisbee Girl 02 November | 18:51

I shall leave this thread now and get back to weatherproofing my apartment. Apologies for derailing.

posted by sciurus 02 November | 18:53

Isn't this a problem with all women's clothing though? Everything seems to be randomly sized based on whatever numbers someone in a Vietnamese sweat shop felt like printing on the tags.

My experience is that it is easier to ignore the sizes and hold things up to see if they look like they might fit, then take a couple of sizes either side into the fitting room. The only hard and fast rule is that, if it's on sale, they don't have your size.

posted by dg 02 November | 22:14

mgl - I had the same shock with that measurement system a while back. An "A" cup? Not bloody likely. And yes, as a 40C, it's damned hard to get a cute bra that'll hold anything where it's supposed to be.

Fuckers.

posted by deborah 02 November | 22:25

Just because it ALMOST pertains:

A Dutch designer has created a wall of fake breasts to help male shoppers buy bras that fit their wives or girlfriends.

Wendy Rameckers works at the Piet Zwart Institute for Retail and Design in Rotterdam, reports Het Nieuwsblad.

"Most men have a selective memory," she explained. "They know all about their car, but never seem to know their wife's bra size.

"When trying to buy a sexy bra for their wife or girlfriend, usually they point to other women in the shop or, when asked about size, they say a 'handful'."

The wall consists of rows of silicon breasts in all sizes. By look and touch, male shoppers can work out the right size, she says.

from Ananova

posted by reflecked 03 November | 06:57

Isn't this a problem with all women's clothing though? ... My experience is that it is easier to ignore the sizes and hold things up to see if they look like they might fit, then take a couple of sizes either side into the fitting room.

I had no idea, dg.

posted by danostuporstar 03 November | 16:24

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