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27 September 2005
The Stones Return...→[More:]I just got back from my ultrasound, where I've learned that I have a whopper of a kidney stone (.8 centimeters or something) sitting above my ureter. Tommorow, I go see my doctor to find out what my options, up to and including surgery are.
Tell the doc you want him to think of the stone as Dantooine, and to pretend he's Darth Vader in a fully functional Death Star.
Kidney stones the world over will feel a great disturbance in the Force, as if millions of stones suddenly cried out in terror and were suddenly silenced.
Thanks for the well wishes. I just got off the phone with my mom, and she said that my Dad discovered he had his when he had "pain so bad he thought he was dying," and pulled off the highway to the nearest hospital.
I posted an AskMe thread for more technical advice. Hopefully this can be resolved with a minimmum of pain and suffering.
Don't they do some sort of ultrasonic stone explosion thing now? That would be cool.
Oh, yes, it is true.
"Extracorporeal shock wave lithotripsy (ESWL®): Is the most frequently used procedure for eliminating kidney stones. It works by directing ultrasonic or shock waves, created outside your body through skin and tissue, until they hit the dense kidney stones. The stones break down into sand-like particles and are easily passed through the urinary tract in the urine. This method does not damage surrounding body tissues but breaks only the stone. The technology is only effective if the kidney is functioning well and there is no blockage to the passage of stone fragments."
Best wishes for a speedy solution. If you need it, I'm sure we could find a MIDI file of "Tommy Gets His Tonsils Out" and whip together some new lyrics to fit your medical needs. Nothing heals like a personalized Replacments parody. Other than maybe medicine and a good doctor.
Ow Jon, so sorry to hear it! So it wasn't part of the toilet after all, huh? Here's hoping they can do the stone explosion thingy (much better name than ESLW) and it's all painless, over quickly so you barely have time to read the April 2003 Reader's Digest in the waiting room, and, best of all, it's free.
I was gonna say something about gettin' your rocks off, but I had a sudden bout of decorum at the last minute. Instead, I'll just mention my vague memory of a Robert Johnson lyric dealing with stones in his passway and send wishes for a speedy recovery.
Sorry to hear about the stone, jonmc. I know your pain. An awkward anecdote to take your mind off things, perhaps?
A few years ago I was dating this gal. She was in graduate school getting an MFA in drama--a director. She was a divorcee who talked about her ex a lot--not in a mean way, but it was obvious she missed him.
I had been kicked out of grad school (same university)for failing some classes, and in the meantime I was doing tree work to make ends meet. One day we're doing a job at some artist's house after a storm--taking out some huge red oaks. Guy's up a tree and I'm down on the ground on the rope, lowering the limbs he's cut out. He gets to this huge limb and asks if I can handle it, I say yeah, and he cuts. But it's bigger than I thought, and red oak weighs a ton--the limb is going to take out the corner of the house, so I try to put the brakes on it. I get lifted up in the air, let go because I'll end up hanging from a rope in the top of a tree, and fall flat on my back in the driveway.
I limp home with a sore back. For days it gets worse, especially my right side. About a week later it's hurting so bad I'm dizzy and puking. I have no insurance, but I go to the emergency room. They do an MRI and find seven stones, one of which looks pretty big. The doctor writes a referral for a urologist....
The ex. I tell my director friend that I'm supposed to go see her ex-husband, and ask if that's not a little weird. No, she says, and gives him a call to let him know I'm coming.
It was a little awkward being examined by the good doctor, having been previously examined by his previous wife. Perhaps a little weird for both of us.
He explained options, including blowing the stones up with ultrasound. I couldn't afford anything more than some pain killers and a promise that I'd call him if things got worse. Passing them on my own, he seemed to think, was a bad idea because the big stone was not going to pass easily through the ureter.
But I did pass them. About a month later. Best piss I ever took. Caught nine stones in a strainer, most pretty small--and one huge, frightening, jagged motherfucker of a stone.
I wasn't seeing the director anymore, but she called to invite me to a small birthday party she was throwing for the doctor. I went, bearing a homemade birthday card with a smiley face made out of kidney stones (the big one for a nose) and an inscription thanking him for the painkillers.
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