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01 September 2005

quonsar questioned by US Marshals →[More:]holy crap! i was sitting in my jeep eating a burger when i got a call on my cell from a US Marshal. he indicated he was at my residence and needed to ask some questions regarding something i "had put on the internet", and when would i be home? so i buzzed on home, roiling inside and wondering wtf was going on! well, it turns out the problem was my email sig. for almost two years, it has consisted of a 64x64 .jpg of me playing my ibanez guitar with the legend "WARNING: I have weapons of mass destruction and I'm not afraid to use them." yes, i recently forwarded one of those email jokes to some folks, who apparently forwarded it to others, and somewhere along the line the image was stripped off, and some good citizen felt compelled to report this dire threat! they wanted to know if i owned any weapons, if i had a chemistry degree, whether i knew how to make or had access to explosives, etc. after i showed them the complete sig including the image and explained it was a wry reference to my meager guitar skills, they sternly lectured me to change the wording and departed. 9/11 has warped a lot of minds!
post by: quonsar at: 15:24 | 50 comments
Don't let the man censor you, q. Fight the power! If you don't, you're a pussy.
posted by kmellis 01 September | 15:29
(And, honestly, that's what I'd expect. I'd have said a flat "No, I'm not going to change it. You and I both know that there's absolutely nothing wrong with it.")
posted by kmellis 01 September | 15:30
≡ Click to see image ≡
posted by dodgygeezer 01 September | 15:35
They were just hating on your low-action, high-quality MIJ shredder.

Fight the power with killer riffage!

Weapons of Mass Derbation!
posted by Hugh Janus 01 September | 15:36
Don't they have better things to do? Jesus.

So what kind of Jeep? And did you really destroy the image? Huh? HUH?
posted by iconomy 01 September | 15:38
I knew there was something fishy about you...other than your pants.
posted by briank 01 September | 15:40
i can't believe that--what has this place become?
posted by amberglow 01 September | 15:42
Yeah, there's a discrete lack of humour there. Like those people who are actually a danger (and I wouldn't necessarily rule quonsar out heh) are going to put up a fucking billboard announcing that they have diabolical ideas in mind.
posted by peacay 01 September | 15:45
Don't worry, people who haven't done anything wrong have nothing to hide.
posted by Capn 01 September | 15:56
That would be foolish, peacay.
posted by Hugh Janus 01 September | 15:57
Yeah, they can just get the shit harassed out of them.
posted by eekacat 01 September | 15:59
...there was something fishy about you...other than your pants.

Quonsar doesn't have pants!
posted by warbaby 01 September | 16:02
Don't they have better things to do?

I mean, really. Is this how my tax dollars are being spent? Jesus Christ.
posted by Specklet 01 September | 16:03
I mean, really. Is this how my tax dollars are being spent? Jesus Christ.
Yeah. But we've been hearing about crap like this for a long time since 9/11. Meanwhile, as someone pointed out over at Talking Points Memo, shouldn't the ability to meet the immediate, critical health and relocation needs of large numbers of refugees from a major US metropolitan area have been very near the top of the list of "Things To Do" for Homeland Security and FEMA and whomever else post-9/11?

The truth of the matter is that I think they've spent very, very little money on anything that is actually making Americans safer or able to deal with the consequences of another 9/11 (or, more likely, worse). What they have been spending the money on is war, Halliburton, and increased surveillance, harassment, and secret detention of private citizens.
posted by kmellis 01 September | 16:08
I'm not outraged. This is your basic day-to-day stuff for the feds, like checking up on farmers who place big fertilizer orders. It's not like they really thought q. had WMD, but if they get a report that someone said they did and didn't follow it up they'd be doing a pretty shitty job. Meh.
posted by cali 01 September | 16:14
I think you're safe, quonsar.

So long as you didn't let on that you know the truth.
posted by mcgraw 01 September | 16:16
Isn't anyone worried that quonsar's guitar might be a threat to society? I know I am...
posted by dodgygeezer 01 September | 16:17
i am not outraged either. i am, however, alternatingly amused and disgusted at the shallow depth of some of my fellow citizens. and a little abashed that it never occurred to me someone might view the sig without the image.
posted by quonsar 01 September | 16:33
FREE QUONSAR!!!
posted by JanetLand 01 September | 16:34
[nice one Hugh]
posted by peacay 01 September | 16:39
But don't you see? It's what They want. To refocus our attention away from the NO disaster and on something completely nonsensical in the War On Terrr.

Plus, this comes days after the President played a guitar. Are they worried that Quonsar mightve showed him up on the political/musical stage, now just keeping an eye on him.
posted by urbanwhaleshark 01 September | 17:00
≡ Click to see image ≡
posted by quonsar 01 September | 17:18
HAHAHAHAHAHA!
posted by dodgygeezer 01 September | 17:19
heh. Nice one.
posted by gaspode 01 September | 17:23
I'm not outraged. This is your basic day-to-day stuff for the feds, like checking up on farmers who place big fertilizer orders. It's not like they really thought q. had WMD, but if they get a report that someone said they did and didn't follow it up they'd be doing a pretty shitty job. Meh.
posted by cali 01 September | 16:14

*nods in agreement*

It isn't a perfect solution and it does present a situation where energies will be be misdirected and powers abused. Not that this isn't lamentable, but such is the human condition and life on the planet as we live it today. It's also damned near impossible to say what is 'too obvious' to be taken seriously as it's hardly an exact science and there does at times seem to be an odd twist in some individual's psyches to draw attention to their activities.

When I worked for a dot-com electronics retailer, I was their high dollar/quick ship credit fraud analyst. It was incredible how many people stated their intent (backwards and forwards) in their passwords, usernames or even middle names on the shipping info. imathief, ugotscrewd, crimeisfun, fuktup, toys4fre, free2me, ulose/urloss, loser, etc.

That's a small example, and interestingly enough, 'toys4fre' ended up being the password for a legit series of transactions on one company's Christmas charity donation account, but the others (and many more) that seemed laughably obvious panned out to be fraudulent transactions. While it doesn't address the issues of personal privacy, rights, civil liberties, I hesitate to boo and hiss at situations, decisions and actions of which I don't have a reasonable amount of information.

As for quonsar: perhaps more time on the Mountain of Tapping Dwarves is in order, sir. Jus' sayin'.
posted by Frisbee Girl 01 September | 17:29
≡ Click to see image ≡
posted by dodgygeezer 01 September | 17:34
I have to take the knee-jerk free-speech perspective on this one.

If I tell an off-color joke in an email (which I'm within my rights to do), will I be visited by the AG's office for trafficking pornography?

There's no good excuse for this. They had no legitimate reason for tracking quonsar down (unless there's something we don't know about his criminal record), and I think they violated his free speech rights.
posted by mudpuppie 01 September | 17:37
*feels perpetually upstaged by dodgy*
posted by mudpuppie 01 September | 17:38
mudpuppie, I have to disagree. They didn't do anything to him apart from question him and give him a lecture. He's still free to say what he wants. His rights weren't violated.
posted by cali 01 September | 17:51
pup, if that joke was about adults having sex with children, it might spark interest in you and what your activities are if someone reported it as being possibly suspicious. The reason they 'tracked him down' is because someone brought it to their attention.

It's as much quonsar's right for free speech to make jokes about wmd's as it is someone else's right to feel concern and bring attention to it. If it weren't, it wouldn't be free speech. The Marshal was doing his job.
posted by Frisbee Girl 01 September | 17:53
It's as much quonsar's right for free speech to make jokes about wmd's as it is someone else's right to feel concern and bring attention to it. If it weren't, it wouldn't be free speech. The Marshal was doing his job.

I get your point, Fris. I'm just squeamish about the whole thing.
posted by mudpuppie 01 September | 18:02
Awesome new sig, q!
posted by me3dia 01 September | 18:02
No, I hear ya, 110%. However, I worry much about how easy it is to become reactionary. Nothing, obvious or not, is ever as simple is it may seem and no one wins when the game is "Who Shot Johnny?"
posted by Frisbee Girl 01 September | 18:07
"I'm just squeamish about the whole thing."

As you should be. I'm pretty certain that some SCOTUS opinion or other says it very eloquently, but a reckless disregard for obvious satire and comedy by a state that is extremely eager to dissuade any speech that it finds uncomfortable whatever the rationale is effectively an active form of censorship like any other.

What was there to "warn" or be "stern" about? The person who called the Feds on q was wrong...quonsar isn't a terrorist. It's no different than if q had been visited because he looked suspiciously middle-eastern. The message to quonsar clearly was "don't jokingly say that you have weapons of mass destruction in any context".
posted by kmellis 01 September | 18:10
I don't know though, Fris.

I just can't imagine anyone with actual plans to carry out a terrorist attack would be stupid enough to advertise it in their email sig file.

Besides which, q's not the only person to ever make that joke.

It's simply part of our cultural lexicon now.
posted by mudpuppie 01 September | 18:17
I've go no problem with marshals chasing leads, no matter how silly. The warning, however, is clearly a case of prior restraint of First Amendment rights. Prior restraint has been the one form of free speech violation that the courts have NEVER countenanced.

The fact that Q changed his sig supports the notion this "warning" had a chilling effect.

So the problem is the warning. Q, I suggest a letter to both your U.S. Senators -- and post their replies on meepzorp.
posted by warbaby 01 September | 18:37
I will sleep safer tonight knowing quonsar's email sig has been successfully dealt with. The ASCII menace has terrorized us long enough. (While I understand that marshals have to chase leads I'm not comfortable with them warning him to change it once they knew he wasn't a threat.)
posted by LeeJay 01 September | 19:28
I wasn't arguing any of those points, pup, except to say that what seems obvious or likely can be much more subjective than we realize when access to the larger body of details and data is limited. More of my point was to caution against relinquishing the process of critical thought when it's easier to make a reactionary or emotionally charged judgement/statement.

I realize that this was a jocular discussion, for the most part, to begin with, but the slope can be a slippery one as the discussion evolves to something more serious. Merely my two cents.

With that, I'm off to work. Sorry to post and bolt.
posted by Frisbee Girl 01 September | 20:02
I can't get a handle on my opinion on this. On the one hand, had you been implying a serious threat and the Marshal ignored it and something baaad happened, that would have been quite the oversight. On the other hand, we're talking about quonsar who may or may not have pants and I am inclined to look favorably upon this (figuratively). Hmmmm... OK. I say we punchout the dickhead who stripped off the image, let the Marshal slide on this one, and chalk it up as a damned good story. I do hope that the Marshal treated you respectfully.
posted by puddinghead 01 September | 21:23
As a drug-and-alcohol-abuse counselor, my ex-girlfriend in two different jobs worked quite often with US Federal Marshals. She said they are, um, very serious people.
posted by kmellis 01 September | 21:38
these were very serious people. but they were also very respectful, and the "warning" to change the sig was actually a statement along the lines of "people call about all kinds of silly stuff, we have to chase them all down, and it's a waste of our time, so we highly recommend you change it." or something to that effect. it was sternly delivered, but my calling it a warning was perhaps too forceful.
posted by quonsar 01 September | 21:49
America will rally behind quonsar. This will not stand.
posted by Peak Oil 02 September | 00:29
I was once interogated questioned at length after dating a Russian Spy.

Perhaps quonsar and I should get together and go bowling. Or even start our own team. (I'm captain!)

The warning they left me with was, "Be careful. Not everyone is who you think they are." or "Know one knows anyone. At least not that well." (/miller's crossing) or something like that.
posted by dobbs 02 September | 01:42
On second thought... my questioning was by CSIS (Canadian FBI)... so maybe quonsar should be captain. Marshals could kick CSIS ass I'm sure.
posted by dobbs 02 September | 01:43
If we're trading war stories, I was almost fined heavily and/or arrested for accidentally smuggling mangosteens across the US/Canada border.
posted by mudpuppie 02 September | 02:03
wtf is a mangosteen? and is it lucrative?
posted by Schyler523 02 September | 02:18
Mangosteen.
posted by mudpuppie 02 September | 02:33
The jerboa army will put this all to rights.
posted by ikkyu2 02 September | 03:07
I certainly would have asked the Feds whay they aren't down in Mississippi. (Did I spell that right?)

Oh, except that there aren't any feds here, our police authorities are much more sensible, and New Orleans is on another continent.
posted by Skrik 02 September | 10:13
Jesus H Fucking Christ. Get thee to New Orleans where you can at least shoot at black people, you US Marshals.
posted by omiewise 02 September | 11:13
← * hopes Gulf coast rescue efforts accelerate * || Something's Missing →

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