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12 December 2012

Online dating cliches I tried to solicit mefites' suggestions for online dating clichés, but that part of the question was deleted as chatfilter -- so a year later (I'm not captain follow-through obviously) I'm trying it here.[More:]

I'll broaden the question to both genders, but I'm particularly interested in male profile clichés, since the existing lists (like the two I linked to) seem to be more about female ones.
I'll start with some examples from that thread and my own experience:

male favorite movies: fight club, lebowski, anything tarantino
female favorite movies: harold & maude, princess bride, amelie, anything wes anderson, secretary*

TV shows: (probably both) some combination of highbrow cable dramas (breaking bad, mad men, the wire etc) and (female) a reality show or Twilight or something, qualified as a guilty pleasure.

I particularly like it (probably both genders do this) when someone makes a big deal out of not watching TV or not owning a TV and then lists all these shows they like ...presumably they're streaming or watching DVDs on their laptops so it somehow doesn't count?

*i've learned from metafilter that listing "secretary" is code for being into bdsm... seems like an odd choice to me since it doesn't portray the subject in an especially positive way, but i guess i can't think of other mainstream movies that do.
posted by pete_22 12 December | 07:52
Captain follow-through is my new favorite person. Hell of a golfer.

I met my wife via online dating but there weren't any profiles involved. She did warn me before the first date that, in her opinion, serial killer jokes were not funny ice-breakers. So I wondered if she had encountered that a lot.

I know this isn't AskMe where there should be a problem to be solved, but in a chatty way I'm curious: what's the problem you're trying to solve? What makes the dating profile cliche subject interesting to you?
posted by fleacircus 12 December | 09:44
More of a pet peeve is "down to earth" or "grounded". What do those mean? To me, those phrases scream "boring".
posted by Ardiril 12 December | 11:15
"I like to travel." No shit. The only time you should let me know you like to travel is when you mean that you like to travel in time.

Not looking for a partner in crime. Will accept a partner in vigilante justice, though.

I love how "there is no typical Friday night" is such a typical answer (on OKC).

My suggestions? Show personality. Your personality. If you're not good at showing personality (or you come off as standard vanilla "quirky"; because let's face it, most people aren't writers), have friends read/vet your profile. If they're like, "That's you alright!" then you're golden. Warts and all. You're not advertising to be somebody's something. You're advertising for someone who is looking for what you are. (Few people are as boring as they think they are, though! So don't undersell yourself.)

And yes, it's a form of advertising/selling. But you're selling a durable good, not a perishable one. In this analogy, being concerned about your shelf life = desperation, which people can smell. You'll be there, and you'll be fine on your own. But you have these things you're really enthusiastic about and would love to share with someone. (Like typewriters. Ice tea. Pilot G-2s. Penguins. Mumblety-peg.)
posted by Eideteker 12 December | 12:16
what's the problem you're trying to solve? What makes the dating profile cliche subject interesting to you?

Good question. A few things:

1. it's (relatively) harmless fun to vent a little about this stuff. I'm not saying any of those are bad movies, just that I do roll my eyes occasionally and think "wow, another woman who likes The Little Prince, stop the presses." it's not an objection to the book, it's just that it doesn't really tell me anything about her.

2. it could be useful to some people (myself included) in terms of improving their own profiles -- I'd be curious to know what might be in my profile that women are similarly rolling their eyes about.

3. in the case of certain books/films/shows, the gender breakdown of people who like them and/or the things they're "signalling" by listing them can be interesting terms of understanding the work itself.

I'll give you an example of the third one, with books: I've encountered a lot of women (online and off) who would count "The Master and Margarita" as an all-time favorite, but almost no men. A male equivalent might be "A Fan's Notes." Now, I liked both those books, but knowing that they have this particularly skewed fan base and thinking about why ...well, for me it was another layer that made them both more interesting. I mean, with some things the reasons for the gender gap are totally obvious (Jane Austen, the Three Stooges) but with books like those two there's a bit more going on.

Anyway it's mostly 1 and 2, but I'd be interested in discussing #3 too, if anyone has other examples of that.
posted by pete_22 12 December | 13:26
More of a pet peeve is "down to earth" or "grounded". What do those mean? To me, those phrases scream "boring".

I can't win, no matter what. If I say I'm down to earth or grounded, I'm boring. If I decide to list the things that I actually do (I direct a handbell choir! I drive a pickup truck! I transcribe books into braille for my second job!) then I get dismissed as too weird.

If they're like, "That's you alright!" then you're golden. Warts and all.

Hasn't happened, so far. What my friends like in me isn't what a man wants in me, apparently.
posted by Melismata 12 December | 13:33
Addendum: Keep it positive.
posted by Eideteker 12 December | 15:31
For men, "laid back"- IME signals that he is kind of a bro who smokes pot and has standards of apartment cleanliness that are not as high as mine

Also "I'm a writer....[much later if at all] my day job is selling hot dogs/wall st"
This is a personal pet peeve probably, but I am so sick of everyone saying they are writers in their job descriptions. Hobbies are not jobs. I do want to know about your hobbies, but when the question is what is your job, I want to know the thing you spend 8-9 hr doing daily, not what you wish you were doing.
posted by rmless2 12 December | 15:32
I mean, with some things the reasons for the gender gap are totally obvious (Jane Austen, the Three Stooges)

Disagree. I like both.
posted by JanetLand 12 December | 18:49
If I say I'm down to earth or grounded, I'm boring.

I once dated a CIA librarian. Trust me, you are far from boring.
posted by Ardiril 13 December | 20:27
Under music: "Whatever hipster band would impress you" or some variant that shows you're both dismissive and welcoming of hipsterdom.

Some reference to being a "foodie" without any real evidence.
posted by Diskeater 14 December | 11:04
I mean, with some things the reasons for the gender gap are totally obvious (Jane Austen, the Three Stooges)

Disagree. I like both.


Sure, there are lots of exceptions to any pattern like this. I'm not commenting on any single individual's preferences. But do you actually disagree with what I wrote? And if so, which part -- that Jane Austen has more contemporary female than male fans (and the reverse for the Three Stooges), or that the reasons for it are obvious?

I mean, maybe the reasons aren't as obvious as I thought. Are there examples of physical comedy with a more female-skewed fan base?

Relevant link: http://www.rinkworks.com/bookaminute/b/austen.shtml
posted by pete_22 14 December | 11:16
Hee. I was actually saying that my cliche is people who never miss a chance to disagree with stereotypes. :)
posted by JanetLand 14 December | 13:49
OMG DRINKY BUNNY!!! || So...If you had $250 to blow at the Apple Store...

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