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17 April 2012

It was the best of times, it was the worst of times. [More:] My younger son, the one who started out with learning disabilities, is currently on a trip to China, singing with his university choir as part of a Sister Cities exchange. I am amazed at how much he has accomplished.

My older son moved out a little over a year ago, after dropping out of college. He up to Albany, NY, from here (Fort Worth, TX) for a job and held it for a year. We found out tonight he got fired two months ago and has been served with eviction papers. My wife's family in the area is helping him some, but once again, he is having a tough time out in the world.

I'm sad. :(
Aw Doohickie .. I'm sorry your son is having difficulties. I think it is one of the hardest things for a parent, to see your child hurting, in distress or turmoil, and be unable to help. Every time my kid skins his knee or catches a cold or struggles with things that come so easily to other children, I wish I could absorb all the pain that he's feeling. Mine is still a little guy but I think we all wear our hearts on the outside where they're a lot more vulnerable, once we become parents.

I send you big hugs.
posted by Kangaroo 18 April | 05:34
It's hard to be in your 20's. I crashed and burned several times, moving back in with my mother. I hated it but looking but I was lucky to have that alternative. . .

He'll get something figured out.
posted by danf 18 April | 10:50
He will. I think that for some people, being out on your own for the first time is about figuring out where the boundaries are.

posted by aniola 18 April | 11:11
Whenever I talk about the future, people tell me to have kids.
Ignoring the issue of the fact my human worth is predicated on my ability to breed, this also implies children are programmable robots with no personalities or minds of their own.
People fuck up and if they are lucky they learn from their mistakes.
I can't tell you not to be sad or worry, but ultimately it is up to him.
Help, encourage, support his efforts, but it is up to him.
It is hard to watch people fail, but it is harder to see people not try, IMHO.
Failure is part if the process, not an end to itself.
People need to fail, if only to know they can survive it.
His brain is probably not even done developing.
Having had decent parenting and development still puts him so far beyond what most people have to deal with on the way to... well, anything.
posted by ethylene 18 April | 11:34
What eth said.

And kudos to your other boy. Overseas travel is one of the best things young people can do to educate themselves.
posted by Senyar 18 April | 12:27
Yeah, he's got the basic skills from having good parents and he'll figure out his place in the world before long. Youth is such a confident time that sometimes, people need to fall down before they really learn how to balance.
posted by dg 18 April | 17:17
Nothing is resolved with the older boy, but we do know more. He does have family close (my wife's family) and he won't be totally on his own unless he chooses that path. My sister-in-law, a social worker, is helping him navigate the eviction thing and other practical matters. She is optimistic that if he can land another job, he will be able to keep the apartment when the eviction goes to court. (He has no substance abuse issues, and no prior credit issues.)

The mistake I think we made when raising him is that we took care of him too much. We led him by the hand when he should have been off exploring his own path.

Meanwhile, in the skies over the Arctic... My younger boy should have been home hours ago, but the flight frm Beijing was delayed 14 hours "due to weather." I think the weather wasn't that bad, but more that they had limited flight crew and that once they missed their flight window, that flight crew required a rest period before they would be allowed to fly the lengthy international flight. They landed in Chicago an hour ago, and should be flying into DFW by about 1:20 am; I will need to driver over and pick him up.

The sister cities visit went well from all I've heard. I've barely talked to my son since he left though so I expect a more complete debrief this weekend.

Thank you all for your support. I am mostly "out" on the internet these days, using my real name on things like Facebook. But I just don't feel comfortable airing the negatives about my son over there. Too many people know him and I just don't want it to get weird. I really appreciate having this forum to vent, discuss, and seek support. Bunnies rule.

posted by Doohickie 19 April | 22:50
Chorus Boy Chronicles. . . || "Twin Peaks: Fire Walk With Me"