I've been told that I can look judgmental. I wish I could keep that failure of character off my face.

Even when I think I'm keeping my irritation in check, Mrs. Beese immediately notices from what she says is a cold flatness that comes into my eyes. We joke about her needing to fear my "cold rage".

I remember talking about this here a long time ago, and being pleased to learn that a few other people fall back into the "at ease" position when standing around in a group - feet about shoulder width apart, hands clasped behind back, shoulders back. It really is a comfortable way to stand, and spares you the "what do I do with my hands?" feeling in situations where you might otherwise be a little self-conscious.

Being the shortest person in any given group has made me a brisk walker; I have to be, if I want to keep up. When I walk like this by myself, I give the impression (from a distance) of being annoyed. I call it my "'Piss off!' walk" and it's a useful fiction for a short gal in the city.

When I had my first child, and got a rare hour alone to run errands, I would catch myself rocking gently while standing in line, because I was so accustomed to having a baby on my hip. Now I just have parent whiplash, which comes from quickly twisting my head around to figure out whether the yell I just heard is from my children or somebody else's.

Finally, I often perform a D.I.Y. T.S.A.-style self-patdown upon departure. Right before I leave, I dig through pockets while mumbling "Keys... knife... flashlight... wallet... sunglasses... phone... Moleskine .... kids...OK, let's go." I do this in public. Ooops.

My feature of my features is that I have only about five different facial expressions, to cover about 40 different emotions or states of mind. People think I'm mad when I could be in outer space thinking of something totally unrelated.

Even my mother has to ask me what I'm thinking - she can't read my face at all.

I use this to my advantage at work, but I try to mix it up it with my kids - don't need them traumatized.

People often think I'm a huge asshole because I always look perpetually pissed off. (This is mainly because I don't smile. Ever. I may have a half-assed sideways grin, but that's about as far as it goes. I've tried the whole mirror thing, but it just looks so completely fake and awkward that I've just given up on the whole thing.)

I do the speedy walk too, which almost lost my friends in the crush of people at VA Beach during Memorial Day.

Also, I rarely look people in the eye. It just freaks me out massively, so I often hold conversations with people while doing other things, like typing on a computer or fiddling with papers.

I call it my "'Piss off!' walk" and it's a useful fiction for a short gal in the city.

I'm 6 1/2 feet tall, 250 pounds, and I do that. For some reason, no one ever bothers me.

Evidently, I use my eyebrows to cram difficult information into my brain, raising and wriggling them unconsciously as I think or as I take notes. I learned this while taking a particularly grueling class; my respected and favorite prof started pausing during lectures when his eye fell on my face.

One day, he took me aside and asked about my apparent skepticism of the subject; I said, roughly, "Huh?"

Only after that did I notice the eyebrow-raising tic. We had a good laugh over it during office hours.

Photographer to a fashion model friend "Your resting face is just so totally pissed off". She loved this tidbit and likes to use it to be anti-social. I didn't say she was a nice fashion model.

The thing I talked about the in post came form a night at a bar with my female friend, a man came up to and started talking and I brushed him off, politely, and she just stared at me for a second and said "How the fuck did you do that?'

"do what?'

"You have Hackles! you raised them!"

"Wuh"

"You totally made him look like a bug. I've never actually seen that in person before, he just stopped bothering you."

"uh, okay..."

Which was when I realized I was doing something odd, apparently it's a quick shift into super-formal posture and tone, and I've been known to do in mid-conversation if I'm slightly annoyed. I can't actually control it, but I'm more aware I'm doing it. I call it Going Robot.

I, too, have the frowny neutral face. It's a ton of fun! At least it is if you like trying to convince people that really, nothing is wrong, yes really. It can drive nosy people absolutely nuts.

I tilt my head to one side while listening to someone. I shake my head "no" when talking about something positive. I've been told I do this several times but I have no idea what I'm "communicating" with these gestures.

Sperose, I also have a hard time looking someone else in the eyes. Mostly strangers. I feel like my eyes convey a lot of what I want to say - that they give me away. So I hide behind my glasses and rarely wear contacts.

When I was younger, in concentration, I would occasionally have the tip of my tongue sticking out.

Also, I keep a small half-smile on my face most of the time. I do it because I don't want people to think I'm angry, but most people wonder what I've been up to.

I apparently also look either sad or pissed off when my facial features are at rest. People will always ask, "Are you okay?" or "Cheer up!" It's deeply annoying as most of the time I was just in the middle of a good think.

Friends joke that if you taped my eyebrows in place and my hands behind my back I would be rendered unable to talk.

Another of the "shortest in the family" type walks, only I'm told I walk "with purpose." It's to the point that if I'm in a crowd of people deciding which way to go, and I just pick a direction, everyone will follow me. I have yet to figure out how to use this for evil, however.

If I'm upset about something, as much as I try, my body language always gives it away.