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15 April 2009

I don’t know how to say this, so I’m just gonna come right out and say it [More:], and I hope I don’t offend anyone in the process, but… um… may I have your thoughts on Boobs?

Yes, Boobs??? Both from the Ladies, and the Gentlemen. When you first started getting them, how did you feel, and what sort of feelings or reactions were you faced with, both from the outside world, and your own, for the Ladies of course.

Any good, or bad memories that you may have developed because of it, and what sort of reactions you had from the Boys, and the Men of your life later on. I’m asking because, at first, when I was around 15, I was probably obsessed with them, I think. Girls just fascinated me as it is, and ones with Mammary Glands were something to Behold. But now, I’m more used to seeing them, and think—what the hell—why was I so in-awe of them?

Of course, they’re great, but I appreciate women for so much now, that That part of my Brain has gone down. I appreciate them for the way they think, and the way they are almost better at everything than I am, well, almost. I’ve still got you guys, so she’s gonna have a great set of Friends to compete with me. :)
My first thought: boobs are not capitalized unless they begin a sentence.
posted by Meatbomb 15 April | 07:24
I defy you, MeatBoobs!
posted by Eideteker 15 April | 07:29
hadjiboy, maybe you have seen The Titty Song?
posted by Meatbomb 15 April | 07:57
I’ve still got you guys, so she’s gonna have a great set of Friends to compete with me.

This cracks me up, even if you are calling us a bunch of boobs.
posted by danostuporstar 15 April | 08:15
LMFBO
posted by chewatadistance 15 April | 08:33
Though you do have a good point: Friends did have three great sets.

I'm referring, of course, to the two apartments and the cofeehouse.
posted by danostuporstar 15 April | 08:51
As a gay man I can only say that I prefer natural to enhanced.

Well, that and everyone needs a bosom for a pillow!
posted by WolfDaddy 15 April | 09:02
Is it fair to say enhanced are capitalized?
posted by rainbaby 15 April | 09:12
My Experience with Boobs has been mixed. On the one Hand, there have been several Ladies I've known who have only been Friends, but whose Boobs have been shared with me. Some were Proud of Them, some had some Work done on Them, and were also Proud. Let's hear it for the Proud Boob Ladies!

On the other Hand, I much Prefer the Ass on the Ladies. If you, Ladies, that is, have a little Junk in your Trunk, then it's all About the Badonk-a-Donk with me.
posted by Lipstick Thespian 15 April | 09:48
I always found it strange that men are so hard-wired to love boobs. They're just weird, floppy-looking things. Yet some people can spend hours, if not lifetimes, talking or thinking about them.
posted by Melismata 15 April | 09:58
I think hadjiboy is a Boob.
posted by mullacc 15 April | 10:15
or capitalizing them.

*runs away*
posted by Lipstick Thespian 15 April | 10:17
I think that this is a clever ad campaign.

Other than that, my thoughts on boobs are to contradictory and complex to be easily parsed.

The only time I dated someone who was big-chested, my therapist suggested that perhaps I was going after my mother. . .dunno.

OK I'm outta this thread.
posted by danf 15 April | 10:19
LT capitalizes assets. Neener Neener Neener.
posted by rainbaby 15 April | 10:40
Oh Jesus Lord. This is a little too much MeCha as Guide-to-Life for me. What is this, Candide? Yeesh.
posted by Miko 15 April | 11:01
Damn, these things are a nuisance sometimes. I've learned in recent years that paying good money for a great bra is always money well spent. That's particularly true for a sports bra, because there's nothing more painful than bouncing around a gym without proper support.

But I hate, hate, HATE the media obsession with 'perfect breasts' - this so-called ideal shape that women are meant to have. You know what I mean, perfectly spherical breasts that need no support to remain completely firm and pert for ever more, with nipples that point skywards.

Let me tell you this, guys. THEY DON'T EXIST IN REAL LIFE!! The only women over the age of about 25 you'll see with tits like that have bought them.

It's always obvious when tits are fake, particularly on women who are otherwise thin to the point of emaciation, where the fakes look like two half-spheres of gel glued to the ribcage, with a noticeable gap between them (e.g. Posh Spice). If you don't know what I mean, check out Awful Plastic Surgery probably NSFW There's pages of 'em here. They don't even need to be stripper-sized - sometimes the really small ones stuck to a stick-thin women look worse than the giant-sized ones.

All women should get proper bra fittings - it's made a huge difference to me to wear a comfortable bra all day. I wish I'd known this in my teens.
posted by essexjan 15 April | 11:13
Usually can't even see 'em, as a nice thick coat is more of a priority for me.
posted by Wolfdog 15 April | 11:19
Dig dugs!
posted by Hugh Janus 15 April | 11:20
What miko said. I don't think you really want to hear what I have to say, actually.
posted by mygothlaundry 15 April | 11:27
Whenever men start to get all drool-worthy over boobs or asses, I think back to the days when men obsessed over getting a peek at a woman's ankle, or during the Regency period, at the outline of her legs through her skirt. Maybe in the future it'll be our clavicles that are deemed too immodest for public viewing, or the backs of our knees.
posted by muddgirl 15 April | 11:33
As confusing as this thread can be, I'd like to say that as far a Boobs go, well, I'm fer 'em.
posted by richat 15 April | 11:35
I think they're fucking annoying. Both in their social sequelae and their medical requirements.

And I'm with miko, too.
posted by Fuzzbean 15 April | 12:21
This is a little too much MeCha as Guide-to-Life for me.

Then don't post here.

Who here likes pancake nips? I love pancake nips.
posted by danostuporstar 15 April | 12:26
I appreciate my assests; they are, excuse the pun, a big part of me. That said, without them I'd feel less "me". If anything were ever to happen to them, I would immediately have reconstruction. I've learned to use them to my advantage, I know how to dress (or undress) them, and I find it amusing (most of the time) just how they can stop men in their tracks.
posted by redvixen 15 April | 12:37
Forgot to add: They are spectacular.
posted by redvixen 15 April | 12:38
Strange question, hadjboy...

That said, I have a good boob story--

Jon and I were at a nude beach and, well, some guy in a cock ring stopped by to chat, and Jon did his usual thing of trying to stump somebody about how old I am. Well, for the first ten years of our relationship or so, most people guessed quite low, which was flattering, naturally, but the last couple years have taken their toll, I guess, and generally folks come much closer now to the actual number of jelly beans in the jar. At the nude beach, alas, there was even more of a tell, since I was, in fact, topless, and the fellow in the cockring, when asked to guess my age, looked not at my face, but straight at "the girls." He then came darn close to my correct age, shaving a few years, no doubt, for politeness' sake. Damn gravity. I imagine he drooped a little further south without benefit of that silver ring, too. I will say that boobs float nicely in the ocean.

Now how 'bout tellin' us 'bout your balls? ;)
posted by Pips 15 April | 12:40
A few months back I was given a rolling TV table, kind of a small coffee table with wheels; I don't know what to call it, it's like a mobile wooden ottoman with shelves. In any case, it fits perfectly in my apartment and I now use it as a platform for computing, or for eating, or for resting my legs on while reading or listening to the radio.

The other night I was watching The Killing and eating kung pao chicken and I got up to get a napkin and when I came back, I banged my right kneecap against the corner of the thing. Seriously banged it, I mean! Like instead of howling, I just kinda bleated like a lost lamb and felt like I was about to piss and vomit and maybe black out. I completely lost my appetite and felt completely wiped out, hadda turn in after a half hour.

When I took my pants off to go to bed, I had a lump like a robin's egg on my knee, sticking about an inch out, round and firm and tender, and I giggled and thought, my knee just hit puberty!
posted by Hugh Janus 15 April | 12:42
What are pancake nips?
posted by chewatadistance 15 April | 12:42
Pancake nips are hard, individually wrapped candies you can get in a box at the drugstore. Chocolate on the outside, tastes like pancakes in the middle.
posted by rainbaby 15 April | 12:48
rainbaby, that is the most elaborate euphemism I have ever read. . .
posted by danf 15 April | 12:53
So there's no alcohol involved, then?
posted by chewatadistance 15 April | 12:54
Then don't post here.

Whyever not? One doesn't follow from the other.

I just get an icky feeling about explaining my outlook on boobs in response to this question. So I probably won't do that. But it's not like I don't get to post because I think it's an ickily presented question.
posted by Miko 15 April | 12:58
Now how 'bout tellin' us 'bout your balls? ;)

Sometimes I get this disconnected feeling in one or the other of them, like I sprained my epididymis or something. It was extremely distressing when it first happened lo those many years ago, kinda like the first time you pop a bum grape into the toilet bowl, but now it's just something to be endured, and maybe wondered about. It usually doesn't seem impact-related, and I don't generally feel like my nuts have been tugged on of late, and I wear underwear that fits. I've done some pretty outrageous things in my sleep, you know, scratching my ankles raw, sleeping with my index finger up my ass, biting my tongue; but I don't think I twist my balls in slumber. I would hope I'd wake up if I did.

In some ways my balls are a mystery to me. In other ways, they're the warmest, most fun-loving companions I could ever hope for. What a tangled web my balls weave.
posted by Hugh Janus 15 April | 13:00
I suppose the only thing left, HJ, is to show us.
posted by Pips 15 April | 13:02
Didn't we have a thread a while ago about when/why/for how long men would scratch their balls?
posted by Melismata 15 April | 13:05
I just turned my images off.

You guys are killing me!
posted by rainbaby 15 April | 13:07
Come to think of it, when I lie awake at night wishing I was a girl, breasts don't really come into the picture.
posted by Hugh Janus 15 April | 13:10
Ah, here it is. More crassness for those who can't get enough.
posted by Melismata 15 April | 13:13
Hugh Janus's balls are the kindest, bravest, warmest, most wonderful pair of testicles I've ever known in my life.
posted by Atom Eyes 15 April | 13:14
Whyever not?

Mostly, and honestly, because that's how the joke goes and, secondarily, because I wanted to express my love for supersized areolas and found your comment reflective of the restrictive mecha norms that Keep The Man Down. Behold!
posted by danostuporstar 15 April | 13:26
Boobs are annoying. Mostly because well fitting bras are hard to find (especially at a price I want to pay) and fitting tops/blouses can be difficult.

Regarding the old thread - my sister in law has a theory about men who sleep with his hand or hands covering his genitals. They're protecting them from the penis fairy.
posted by deborah 15 April | 13:35
Boobs. A real pain in the neck. Essexjan is wise regarding the fitting of bra's but my gripe is that - for a society obsessed with large breasts, there's bugger-all to put them into. I mean, I'd love to wear frilly, lacy push-up stuff bras but I end up usually selecting from a field of beige over-the-shoulder-boulder-holders that would make anyone's granny proud. So much for having bodacious ta-ta's. And anyone over 25 generally has to wear what I call a sheepdog bra. (Coz it rounds them up and points them in the right direction.)

*badoomTISH*

Thanks folks, I'll be here all night!
posted by ninazer0 15 April | 13:41
This kind of Capitalization for Emphasis always makes me think of Benjamin Franklin and Winnie the Pooh, which is, uh, interesting, in context.
posted by box 15 April | 13:44
Hugh Janus's balls are the kindest, bravest, warmest, most wonderful pair of testicles I've ever known in my life.

Ha Ha ! Sorry Hugh :)

Now how 'bout tellin' us 'bout your balls? ;)

Sure thing, if the others don't mind. The first time that I noticed them were when I had to go to the Bathroom in the middle of the night at my Granny's place, and I would wonder what these two things are sticking out of my Penis, or so it seemed.

Back then, I would wonder why One of them, the left one, hung a little lower then the other, and would spend a great amount of my time trying to fix this.

Now, my Balls, excuse the language, are pretty close to themselves, and I'm quite happy with the way they are, but I still won't forgive my Uncle who had his friends over for dinner, and two of them so me comming out of the toilet, and said, Oh, that's so Cute, and saw my Willie! This happened when I was 5.
posted by hadjiboy 15 April | 13:53
found your comment reflective of the restrictive mecha norms that Keep The Man Down.

Oh, give me a break. I believe that if you go back and reread, you'll see that Miko was making reference to the appearance of another of hadjiboy's "please validate my existence and my outlook" posts -- not spouting any feminist theory or proscribing the inevitable boob jokes or doing anything else to keep poor little you down and silent in the Sacred Metachat Kingdom of Womanhood.

But thanks for trotting out your hobbyhorse. And maybe learn to yell "FORE!" before your next knee jerk, since it was so poorly aimed in this case.
posted by mudpuppie 15 April | 13:56
But it's not like I don't get to post because I think it's an ickily presented question.

Sorry Miko, didn't mean to upset anyone, certainly not you, but it's so rare that women get to talk on these kinds of subjects, so I thought I'd just get the ball rolling.

Other-wise it's usually men, and I'm not talking about those here, who sort of exchange topics like these, but we never get to hear what Women think, or Feel, or say.
posted by hadjiboy 15 April | 14:00
Being a breastfeeding mother who organizes her experiments during the day around milk expression times, I am so, so, so bored of my boobs it is not funny.
posted by gaspode 15 April | 14:03
mudpuppie, I was actually going to write to you, and say that I was sorry for my behaviour, to you, in the Past, because it didn't look like you believed me the last time I said it, but trust me--I'm saying this to you as someone who's known you since I came here, and Much before that--I'm.....sorry: Can't you ever forgive me?
posted by hadjiboy 15 April | 14:16
*jerks hugh's kneenip, yells TIMBERrrr*
posted by danostuporstar 15 April | 14:17
Siiiiigh.

hadjiboy's original did squick me out, but the conversation was getting on fine despite of or because of that. Until people exressed their ick. I don't know if that's dano's take on the whole thing - and hadjiboy, for pity sakes, don't reply to this comment of mine.

But I have a this is why we can't have nice things feeling now, for the record.
posted by rainbaby 15 April | 14:21
it's so rare that women get to talk on these kinds of subjects

Are you out of your mind?
posted by Miko 15 April | 14:29
That may be, Hadjiboy, but posting on Metachat in 19th-century anachronistic capitals ain't exactly the best way to broach that topic.

And I know something about posting with egregious capitalization, so you should heed my words, 'noob.
posted by Lipstick Thespian 15 April | 14:31
Hey, I also never knew that's how the pancake thing started. I always thought it was just a random nonsequitur.
posted by Miko 15 April | 14:31
I turn my balls away for one second and this thread turns to shit. What the fuck?
posted by Hugh Janus 15 April | 14:34
Um, I'm just saying that coming from a country like India, yeah, this kind of a topic is strange. Again, my apologies.

Here you loud and clear, LT:)
posted by hadjiboy 15 April | 14:38
I wanna hear what Rosanne Rosannadanna thinks. You know, like when you're wearin' a bra and everything, and the strap starts digging in and your skin gets all raw and red and everything, and then it gets a little sweaty...and then sometimes you getta weird little hair and you go to pull it out...
posted by Miko 15 April | 14:40
A Song For Hugh Janus

Hey there amigo
tell me all about your balls!
I really want to know about them
while we walk down to the bodega, Hugh

Hugh Janus/and his balls!
sha la la la la la la la la lala deedah

big ole' balls!

(to the tune of Brown-Eyed Balls, um, Ladies, shit - girls. Brown-eyed girls.
posted by Lipstick Thespian 15 April | 14:42
I turn my balls away for one second and this thread turns to shit. What the fuck?

Ha Ha Ha Ha Ha ! Enough, I think I'll have to go to the toilet now.

Good Night Hugh, Good Night all :)
posted by hadjiboy 15 April | 14:42
LT, stop it, Stop! :)
posted by hadjiboy 15 April | 14:44
This is one *very* large bananna leaf. One can only imagine the size of the trunk.
posted by danostuporstar 15 April | 14:49
what...just happened here, exactly?
posted by Lipstick Thespian 15 April | 14:49
I think hadjboy and his balls just turned in for the night... It is past 1am there, if I'm not mistaken.

*kisses hadjboy on the cup*

(that's yiddish for forehead, for all you dirty minds out there)
posted by Pips 15 April | 14:58
How do I feel about boobs? I feel great about boobs, with one caveat: the single largest drawback to having them is the apparently unending attention they draw, most of it from men.

This probably sounds like a snarky non-answer, but I promise you it is not. I am telling you the defining characteristic of my personal experience as an identifiable boob-bearer. From the time I was 10 or so, the interest expressed in my boobs by (almost exclusively male) observers has far exceeded my own vested interest in them. It gets wearying.

I do understand the desire to ask the question, if only because I cannot imagine what it's like to have testicles... but I intentionally skipped the descriptions in-thread, because Oh sweet mercy, I don't want to envision any of y'all's genitals, nor do I want you envisioning mine. For me, MetaChat is smooth and featureless, like a Ken doll.
posted by Elsa 15 April | 15:04
*kisses hadjboy on the cup*

I had no idea he was a catcher.






A BASEBALL catcher. . .
posted by danf 15 April | 15:04
I was very fond of boobs, until I started getting my own and realized I really needed to hit the gym.
posted by King of Prontopia 15 April | 15:07
Actually kop in Dutch refers to the whole head. So I'm sure the same holds for the Jiddisch cup.
Haha, Pips kissed hadjiboy!

(excuse me, all this boob talking made me regress quite a few years)

Btw our baby was only faintly intrigued by my boobs. That's probably because I'm a wiry guy and they're just muscle with very flat nips. I have to work much harder to earn the baby's affection than her mother does.
posted by jouke 15 April | 15:10
When my kid was nursing, I used to try to fake her out and have her nurse on my chest. . .she NEVER EVER fell for it, and seemed to get annoyed each time I tried, it, hoping that she'd have forgotten the time before then she didn't.
posted by danf 15 April | 15:15
This all reminds me of when I worked one summer at a preschool, and all the little boys and girls shared a multi-toilet bathroom, and they just couldn't get enough of watching each other pee. The little boys kept trying to peek between the little girls' legs while they tinkled to catch a glimpse of how it all worked (it was more obvious with the boys, naturally). This was the source of endless giggles from both the boys and girls, who kicked their legs in delight when the boys tried to peek. We did our best, as the supervising adults, to discourage this conduct, while maintaining a sense of humor about it. They were all only around three years old, with no sense of shame, for lack of a better word, as yet.

(Yeah, jouke, I'm aware it refers to the whole "head," but I was trying to avoid the inevitable "head" jokes by substituting "forehead." Clearly, I'm not quick enough for dan. :)
posted by Pips 15 April | 15:23
You should visit the Netherlands Pips. You'll find the local language rather easy if you know Jiddisch.
posted by jouke 15 April | 15:30
Cool... I only know a few words and expressions, though. But my father was fluent. It was his first language.
posted by Pips 15 April | 15:34
I've expressed my angst about having gone up to a D cup a few years ago. (OMG, I've been here for a few years already??) I am currently wearing one of the most comfortable bras I've ever had and it doesn't have an underwire. Oh my, to have a bra without underwire that still supports... it's wonderful.

And yet, it's a plain white bra, and definitely not in the lacy/frilly/whathave you category, and so the angst at being a larger bra size remains. AND, I now know that one of them is definitely larger than the other.

Cute story from today: two of the male brokers who just had a baby via a surrogate mother brought the 1-month old in today. The women in the office cooed (and I got to hold him! oh, so cute!) and before he started to fall asleep in my arms, he had been making the "mouth motions" towards another co-worker who'd been holding him and who was due in June, as if he could tell that there might be milk nearby, maybe. Whereupon, one of the fathers said that when his partner holds the kid, the baby goes for his "boobs" all the time.
posted by TrishaLynn 15 April | 22:23
Miko, I really wish I could favorite your comments.....that said, my tits are NONE of your business, hadjiboy.
posted by brujita 15 April | 23:12
Ask MeChat... anyone in the drag queen scene around here? || "Shot In The Back Of The Head":

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