Another Day For The Damned Record Books! It started off well. →[More:]Around 11 AM, I was leaning against the counter during a brief breather and a redhaired woman walked up the aisle waving frantically at me. I was a tad worried until she came closer and I realized it was Jessamyn! She says howdy.

Jessamyn, sadly, missed all the fun that came about an hour later. This elderly dowager came up to the counter demanding to see a certain employee who happened to be out and/or busy. Even so, she was very insistent that someone personally guide her around the store to find inexpensive leatherbound books, saying in a whiny croak 'Won't somebody help me?' seemingly oblivious to all the urban retail chaos swirling around her.

At just the same moment, at the head of the line to sell used books was a street person we call Chatterbox. He has about 3 teeth in his head and reeks of dopesweat and piss and God knows what else. and he never stops babbling, usually alternating between obseqious 'I got good books today really I do!' mumble and paranoid 'why you out to get me?!' talk*. Sadly what he usually has is boxes pull of battered paperbacks that he fishes out of dumpsters and sewers or whatever that stink of catpiss and roach droppings. Our buyer Neil (who will never be mistaken for Miss Congeniality) took one look at his four boxloads of this stuff and told that he was sick of him bringing in crap like this and that he wasn't going to look through them. Chatterbox, in a word, exploded.

'You motherfuckers is all trying to fuck with me!! I ain't never comin' in this mother fucker no more! You all motherfuckers and YOU ALL SUCK DICK!!'

By this point the silence in the store was deafening, except for the old crone who was still droning 'won't somebody help me??' **. Sherena, one of our security guards caught my eye, and I nodded emphatically. She's a big woman with an imposing manner, and she sauntered over. He was still calling us motherfuckers then he noticed her and said 'I'll sue them motherfuckers and I'll thump you, you fuckin' bitch! You hear me motherfuckers! You hear me bitch!' and he walked out the side door deliberately knocking huge piles of books off the sidewalk carts as he left. Sherena turned to me and said 'My last job was working security at a nightclub. I threw out assholes like him for fun.' I merely went up to the next person in line, a regular, and said, 'welcome to the motherfuckin' store, can I help you??'

At that exact moment Help, I Can't Stop Talking from MeFi walked past on the sidewalk and waved. I told him about all the fun he missed. Just another motherfucking day in the motherfucking city. On the upside Pips got Mets/Cubs tickets for our anniversary.

*even the other homeless guys can't hendle this fucker. One day he had a tall quiet bearded guy as a partner helping him carry stuff. The next day the quiet guy came in on his own and said with serious emphasis 'I don't know that guy. he just gave me ten bucks. And he crazy. Never stops talking.' Good to know he's winning friends and influencing people. As word spread of the incident. all our regulars immediately guessed who it was, and rolled eyes saying 'That crazy fuck...'

**we briefly considered introducing them to create some kind of Dynamic Duo of Annoying Insanity but reconsidered.