artphoto by splunge
artphoto by TheophileEscargot
artphoto by Kronos_to_Earth
artphoto by ethylene





Mecha Wiki

Metachat Eye


IRC Channels



Comment Feed:


29 August 2008

Another Day For The Damned Record Books! It started off well. [More:]Around 11 AM, I was leaning against the counter during a brief breather and a redhaired woman walked up the aisle waving frantically at me. I was a tad worried until she came closer and I realized it was Jessamyn! She says howdy.

Jessamyn, sadly, missed all the fun that came about an hour later. This elderly dowager came up to the counter demanding to see a certain employee who happened to be out and/or busy. Even so, she was very insistent that someone personally guide her around the store to find inexpensive leatherbound books, saying in a whiny croak 'Won't somebody help me?' seemingly oblivious to all the urban retail chaos swirling around her.

At just the same moment, at the head of the line to sell used books was a street person we call Chatterbox. He has about 3 teeth in his head and reeks of dopesweat and piss and God knows what else. and he never stops babbling, usually alternating between obseqious 'I got good books today really I do!' mumble and paranoid 'why you out to get me?!' talk*. Sadly what he usually has is boxes pull of battered paperbacks that he fishes out of dumpsters and sewers or whatever that stink of catpiss and roach droppings. Our buyer Neil (who will never be mistaken for Miss Congeniality) took one look at his four boxloads of this stuff and told that he was sick of him bringing in crap like this and that he wasn't going to look through them. Chatterbox, in a word, exploded.

'You motherfuckers is all trying to fuck with me!! I ain't never comin' in this mother fucker no more! You all motherfuckers and YOU ALL SUCK DICK!!'

By this point the silence in the store was deafening, except for the old crone who was still droning 'won't somebody help me??' **. Sherena, one of our security guards caught my eye, and I nodded emphatically. She's a big woman with an imposing manner, and she sauntered over. He was still calling us motherfuckers then he noticed her and said 'I'll sue them motherfuckers and I'll thump you, you fuckin' bitch! You hear me motherfuckers! You hear me bitch!' and he walked out the side door deliberately knocking huge piles of books off the sidewalk carts as he left. Sherena turned to me and said 'My last job was working security at a nightclub. I threw out assholes like him for fun.' I merely went up to the next person in line, a regular, and said, 'welcome to the motherfuckin' store, can I help you??'

At that exact moment Help, I Can't Stop Talking from MeFi walked past on the sidewalk and waved. I told him about all the fun he missed. Just another motherfucking day in the motherfucking city. On the upside Pips got Mets/Cubs tickets for our anniversary.

*even the other homeless guys can't hendle this fucker. One day he had a tall quiet bearded guy as a partner helping him carry stuff. The next day the quiet guy came in on his own and said with serious emphasis 'I don't know that guy. he just gave me ten bucks. And he crazy. Never stops talking.' Good to know he's winning friends and influencing people. As word spread of the incident. all our regulars immediately guessed who it was, and rolled eyes saying 'That crazy fuck...'

**we briefly considered introducing them to create some kind of Dynamic Duo of Annoying Insanity but reconsidered.
* waves *
posted by jessamyn 29 August | 19:16
Great story, hon. You should so have your own column for the Village Voice.

I'm looking forward to a few "motherfuckers" myself on Tuesday when the students start. I may need a little something special in my thermos that day.
posted by Pips 29 August | 19:17
*motherfuckin' waves back*
posted by jonmc 29 August | 19:18
I had a shitty day. I got a job. I had to put back my start date two days to attend the shiva of my friend whose mother was killed in a car accident. Apparently in those two days they hired someone else. I found this out when I went in for my first day of work this morning.
posted by loiseau 29 August | 19:47
jonmc, I worked four hours in bookselling retail and bailed. You are a trooper. Enjoy your game!
posted by mdonley 29 August | 19:57
jonmc, I worked four hours in bookselling retail and bailed. You are a trooper.

Nah. I'd be lying if I said that on a certain level I didn't love this crazy shit. I have this perverse need to be in the trenches. You get to see human nature in ways most people only dream about.
posted by jonmc 29 August | 19:59
Read the title first, though you'd found a bio of these guys...
≡ Click to see image ≡ fucked up as it might be, it sure doesn't sound boring and that's a good thing.
"I don't know why / I don't know why, / I guess these things have gotta be..."
posted by Zack_Replica 29 August | 21:45
...thought you'd...
posted by Zack_Replica 29 August | 21:51
Zack_Replica, the friend of a friend of mine was actually present at the photo shoot for that album cover.
I live in perpetual fucking envy.
posted by BoringPostcards 29 August | 21:59
Fuckin' hell! you and me both BP. yay Damned!
also, quit liking all the stuff i like so much, or you'll have to fly out here and i'll have to buy you drinks already. sheesh.
posted by Zack_Replica 29 August | 22:22
I've always loved the Damned! And let's not even talk about The Young Ones... we could be here for days.
posted by BoringPostcards 29 August | 22:44
giovanni, why don't you keep a baseball bat handy?
posted by matteo 29 August | 23:08
Oh, great... I have the equivalent of 4 pints of Bass in the fridge and I now have to listen to Machine Gun Etiquette (CD reissue).
jon is an enabler, it's true. *raises glass* ...thanks jon, here's to yas.
posted by Zack_Replica 29 August | 23:21
"Damned Damned Damned" and "Machine Gun Etiquette" are regulars on the stereo at the Slack houselhold. Actually, Strawberries is a fave here as well. Shit, now I have to at least hear "Fan Club" before going to bed.
posted by Slack-a-gogo 29 August | 23:56
I always heard the 'Dozen Girls' chorus as "he's alright and he don't care, / he's got purple underwear" but apparently it's thermal underwear. Funny, I always though purple would be more popular with the ladies...
Slack - yeah, it's an earworm, but a Damned good one...
posted by Zack_Replica 30 August | 00:10
Machine Gun Etiquette is never far from the CD changer, nor is Damned Damned Damned. Those are my default albums if I'm too drunk to find anything else.

If I'm drunk enough to fall down, I find New York Dolls and put that in...
posted by BoringPostcards 30 August | 00:19
I miss NYC.
posted by Meatbomb 30 August | 04:32
Great story. I just read and enjoyed Hack, but your book would be better.
posted by lukemeister 30 August | 09:39
That's seriously crappy, Loiseau. I've had a similar thing happen but they at least had the grace to call me before I turned up. Sheesh.

Jonmc: you're doing NOTHING to quell the urge to move to NY - you seem to get a better brand of crazy than I ever did.
posted by ninazer0 30 August | 19:13
What did you foget? || Trailer Trash.