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17 April 2008

Today, at the corner store near my job, I found these in a small counter display featuring some other flavors (the last one is an admirable attempt at multiculturalism, I must say). This is fucked up on so many levels.[More:]

First off, no self-respecting cigar buff I ever met would feel the need to put evn some fifty-cent Topstone in a flavored tobaccotortilla, so that destroys any pretense of what these contraptions are actually being used for (NTM, any pretense that these company are not 'marketing to young people.'). Second of all, chocolate chip cookie dough?* I like chocolate chip cookie dough a lot, but I never in my life said, 'hey, this is good, but what I really want to do is light it on fire and inhale the vapors!'

When I told the twenty-somethings at work about this, however, they were thrilled. They're apparently big fans of the strawberry and cherry flavored ones. [*sigh*] Call me Old School but when I smoke the wacky-tobacky, I like to taste it, but the kiddy-smokers seem to need candy coating. Generation gap strinking again. We did have fun coming up with future flavors, though: Nacho Cheese, Sour Cream & Onion, BBQ, and my personal suggestion-Ham, just so one could say 'I'm smokin' ham, dude!' It's a weird world out there.

*I did once buy some Chocolate Chip Cookie Dough Pop-Tarts which were kind of disappointing, since once you toast them you basically have a pop-tart with a cookie inside.
At our local Blockbuster, they sell Grillz. (My not-exactly-non-ghetto kid picked them up and said, "Oh mah gahhd, these are so-oo ghetto." Indeed.)

I thought those were bad, but I think the candy-flavored blunts are even worse.
posted by Claudia_SF 17 April | 20:13
I'm not really morally outraged so much as I am stunned that today's stoners need to put a candy coating on their weed.
posted by jonmc 17 April | 20:25
What no BACON flavored? Everything's better with BACON. You dog and your pothead can't tell it's not real BACON!
posted by wendell 17 April | 20:27
I think, wendell, that combining bacon and weed would result in some sort of black-hole-like implosion of the brain's fragile sensory receptors, a combination of inputs so powerful that consciousness could no longer be sustained.

Bacon is strong enough all on its own. You don't want no part of this shit.
posted by Miko 17 April | 20:37
Miko, you're confused: it's bacon-flavored acid that kicks an awesome-shaped hole in the user's perception.

Bacon and weed is just, like, reeeeeal niiiiiiiice, man.
posted by Elsa 17 April | 20:49
Flavored blunts are horrible. I'm happy to smoke a blunt now and then and the ones that are just the wrap are very convenient, but it's really hard to find one that is just blunt flavor (ie just assy sheet tobacco and construction paper). I can't even buy anything but super strong space weed anyway, a blunt wants cheap brown weed that some dude pissed on or poured a pepsi on to make it brick up. I don't want to spend my twice yearly reefer budget and then smoke something that tastes like "pina-colada" in the same way that pine-sol smells like a Christmas tree.



And that is what Andy Rooney would sound like if he sometimes puffed trees.
posted by Divine_Wino 17 April | 21:22
PS. A proper blunt makes you stink, makes your eyes impossibly slitty, makes watching music videos on public access cable your only ambition in life, gives you serious rumbly Tom Waits snot lung and should be rolled from a Dutch Master, which I can still split perfectly with just a little spit and my own god given thumbs, even after all these awful years.

Fuck it, who wants to go out on the stoop and get higher than giraffe pussy?
posted by Divine_Wino 17 April | 21:41
*raises hand*

(of course one of the last times I got high, I wound up stuck inside a MobilMart on West Street with three other MeFites and a couple of semi-non-plussed Pakistani attendants for about an hour. or ten minutes, I'm not sure. Then we took two cabs to get cheesesteaks.)
posted by jonmc 17 April | 21:46
I thought these were candy with odds names when I first looked them and I was confused as to why jonmc should be so upset about it. Then I realized they were cigars, now I am also disturbed.
posted by LunaticFringe 18 April | 07:00
I'm with LF. I thought they were candy like those candy cigarettes that were around when I was a kid.
posted by deborah 18 April | 10:32
They aren't cigars, LF. They're artificially flavored pre-shaped paper forms, sans filling; imitation hand-rolled cigar-shaped tubes minus the tobacco and stray leg-hairs of virgin Cuban nationals; reefer minus the reefer; like sad, empty ice-cream cones, dry, with no ice-cream in sight. They are like my heart. Candy coated, but empty inside, except for the blood and plaquey buildup.
posted by It's Raining Florence Henderson 18 April | 13:02
(makes note to hang out with Divine_Wino if DW ever comes to the Midwest)
posted by jtron 18 April | 14:02
Divine_Wino, your my hero and I don't even like weed.
posted by nola 18 April | 21:56
One of my buddies likes an occasional flavored wrap. The problem isn't in the concept, but in the fakiness of the flavors. A little apple juice late in the growth cycle can improve the flavor of homegrown, and using a piece of fruit instead of a cigar-box-style humidifier can add a little hint of taste and aroma. But those Kool-Aid wraps don't really move me. Now, if Whole Foods sold blunt wraps, they'd be organic fronta leaf infused with white tea and goji berry extracts or something. And that's a blunt wrap I could, uh, roll with. Very occasionally.
posted by box 18 April | 22:36
If i wanted to make a wrapping that wasn't just pure lined hemp, i'd use mint and coltsfoot or something that would be helpful. Flavoring are just wrong unless it's the novelty factor.
i could see peppermint and light berries essences soaked in thin hemp paper, tobacco leaves with a hint of nutmeg at the mouth end, etc.
posted by ethylene 18 April | 23:16
Brooklyn Experiencing A Wave Of Copper Thefts || So.... the tornado siren is going off...

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