MetaChat - Ugh. I'm just trying to do the right thing

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01 January 2008

Ugh. I'm just trying to do the right thing →[More:] My sister lives in Madison, and overdosed on cocaine on Friday night. She got out of the hospital today, and I have to catch a flight tomorrow to go convince her to get her ass into a rehab facility. The LAST thing I want to do is go Madison in the middle of frigging winter. Tomorrow's high is 12 frigging degrees. I am upset that my sister's addiction has gotten completely out of control. I am frustrated that my parents didn't listen to me earlier when I told them my sister is sick. I am pissed at my sister for doing this to herself. I don't wanna go, but I know that it is the right thing to do. At least I am staying at a nice hotel. Whuffles or advice anybody? I could use some treatment facility advice. Hazelden appears to be the gold standard, and is nearby, which are both pluses in its favor, but a 28 day program costs 25k, and even though my parents can pay for it, I think they are gonna balk. We'd like to get her away from Madison, and I suppose she could come back to North Carolina with me (but I really don't want that to happen), or she could go to Florida, where my parents spend the winter. They are semi-retired and have more time and resources to dedicate. Suggestions anyone? Who wants to go to Paul's Club with me tomorrow night for a drink? I think I am going to need it.

post by: msali at: 21:51 | 18 comments

Yeesh. I have no useful advice, but I hope your, your family and you come out OK.

posted by jonmc 01 January | 22:14

*whuffles* and just for good measure... *more whuffles*

posted by Joe Invisible 01 January | 22:20

Wowie. I also lack good advice, but I wish you well, and good luck with this. Family+addiction can often be very tough. Sorry you have to deal with this msali.

posted by richat 01 January | 22:28

Y'all are sweet. Thanks for the good wishes.

posted by msali 01 January | 22:30

That sounds pretty awful -- I'm sorry for what you're going through. I don't know much about rehab centers outside of NY, but it occurs to me that you should take good stock of your own life before you offer to let her come to your town. Caring for a recovering addict is intense, and often painful, and most normally requires that the caregiver have a fair amount of emotional resources and time on her hands. If you're constrained for time, or heavily invested in work or other daily activities, you might not want to offer to be her main support. At least not now, when the process of recovery is so brand new. The very best of luck to you and your family.

posted by Lassie 01 January | 23:09

Awww....I'm sorry you are dealing with this, msali, especially in the nasty cold weather in Madison. I would totally go to Paul's club with you and admire their tree if I was still in Madison, but instead, I'm just going to send lots of good thoughts your and your sister's way.

posted by Sil 01 January | 23:33

No advice, just hugs. (((msali & family)))

posted by deborah 01 January | 23:36

Big hugs.

It's OK to be pissed at a family member for being stupid but good for you for standing up an being supportive even when it sucks.

I have no helpful advice so I hope the hugs help. ;)

posted by arse_hat 02 January | 00:02

Most health insurance will pay for drug treatment. If she doesn't have insurance and is no longer on your parents plan she may qualify for medicade. If so, it is retroactive, so if you are told she qualifies, it'll pay for everything from the application date on.
This site will walk you through some questions to see if she qualifies.

Please don't let your parents think they can do the "rehab at home" thing, unless they literally want to keep the house under lock and key and sleep in shifts. It just doesn't work, and she'll be out the door as soon as someone goes to the bathroom or whatever. If you move, well, she'll find drugs at the new city. If treatment just isn't an option at the very least try to get her to attend a 12 step program.
My ex husband had a drug problem. His family tried the rehab at home route. It, um. Didn't work.

*hugs* to you, this is a lousy situation.

posted by kellydamnit 02 January | 02:50

The only advice I can give, based on my sister, is help her once, but don't keep on helping her if she keeps on doing the same old, same old, because then it becomes enabling.

As I'm also in recovery, I know that people will only 'get it' if they really want it, even though it's obvious to everyone around them (and even to the person concerned too) that they need it.

The only good thing about rehabs as far as I'm concerned is that they allow a person to detox in a safe and controlled environment. Unless there's an intensive recovery programme in place, a rehab won't do more than that. And even if there IS a recovery programme on offer, your sister will need to learn to live in the real world outside the gilded cage of a rehab without drugs.

That's where NA, AA or CA will come in. (Even though she might not think alcohol is a problem, just about all the NA people I know say they relapsed on drugs because alcohol lowered their resistance or impaired their judgment. So they stay away from drink too.)

Good luck. And take care of yourself first in all this.

posted by essexjan 02 January | 03:46

*hugs msali*....but it's up to your sister to decide to get her act together and get to rehab. Pulling a geographic won't do it; she'll manage to find coke wherever she is if she wants it. Are there NarAnon (NOT NarConon, which is run by Scientologists) programs near you? If not, there should be Al-anon groups for relatives/friends of addicts.

posted by brujita 02 January | 04:48

Very interesting about NarConon/Scientologists, brujita... one of the pages that I found that seemed to have a good list of different treatment facilities in Madison was actually a NarConon page, and it had a toll-free number to call to "help you find the correct treatment option for your specific situation". Yikes! I guess the correct treatment option they recommend will always be NarConon.

Hugs to you, msali, and good luck. I wish I could offer advice or help.

posted by taz 02 January | 06:08

You are are seriously the very very best. Kellydamnit actually has an interesting path that we hadn't considered yet, retroactive medicaid. She has no insurance, and my parents haven't kept them on her plan (she's 24). Rehab (and not home based, I read that thread over on askmefi) is probably our best option right now. I have ZERO interest in actually helping my sister through her rehab. I am going to Madison for a week just to get the duckies in a row that she can't do by herself right now. I haven't got the time, I honestly don't, to be one of her primary shoulders to lean on. She has been a drug addict for years, and it has been a messy and exhausting business. My life and my family (husband and son) are too precious to me, and I won't let her into our home right now. Very good catch with NarAnon/NarConon, I will remain wary of that in the future.
I gotta go finish packing. Thanks again, my internet friends.

posted by msali 02 January | 07:09

I think that this is what the interwebs are really intended for.

... and the porn. Lots and lots of porn.

Anyway, being another one of the metachatters who has A Crazy Sister, I hope everything works out for you and yours.

posted by chuckdarwin 02 January | 07:24

Good luck and whuffles, msali.

posted by occhiblu 02 January | 09:55

It's probably too late for you to see this, but while the temp says 12, it's actually far colder than that with the wind, so dress really really freaking warm when you get to Madison.

I wish you and your sister the best of luck.

posted by drezdn 02 January | 10:52

Gosh msali I'm sorry to hear this, it does indeed suck. Stay warm and strong and be careful!

posted by chewatadistance 02 January | 11:58

Sorry to hear about this. Just so you know, it's going to get quite a bit warmer by Friday (and we may hit 50 on Monday, depending how long you stay). If you rent a car be super careful on the accumulated snow and ice.

posted by stilicho 02 January | 12:43

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