"There are many words I could use to describe the food served here, but this is a family newspaper and none of them should be available before the watershed."
A four-star review of a zero-star restaurant.→[More:]
Other highlights:
decor - "It's as if two completely different teams from Changing Rooms have been let loose, armed only with half a million quid each of someone else's money, crystal meth and a taste bypass."

"One part of the menu, described as Divo Specials, lists dishes which 'were traditionally served to visiting dignitaries and the nobility of the Ukraine'. I can only assume Ukrainians have a healthy disdain for their dignitaries."

"I had Grandmother's Golubzi, which sounds like an ailment of old age: floppy white cabbage leaves, wrapped around under-seasoned pork mince beneath a gloopy tomato sauce. I wish grandma well."

"The pancake tasted like it had been made earlier in the day. In short, a load of old crepe."

"I was overcome by a strong feeling of gratitude... to my great-grandfather, Josef Boruchowicz. He was the one who had the gumption to escape the region of Eastern Europe which has supplied Divo's inspiration. He saved me from having to eat this stuff every day."