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16 August 2007

And Don't You Know; It's A Beautiful New Day OK, that really sucked. [More:]

We lived throught it. I would compare it, after a few beers, to an ethical earthquake or a spiritual flood. Our will was tested by three bad mojo-havin interlopers from Ohio. We passed the test, but not with flying colours.

I could run it all down for y'all, but that would be tedious. ALMOST as tedious as having them live in our house for a week.

I don't know if I need to vomit or cry, really, but I sure am glad they're in London now.

We do have an answer to the eternal question: WHAT HAPPENS IF YOU NEVER TELL A CHILD NO?

Answer: really, really, really bad things. All the time. Every day. Forever. Until everyone wants said child to go away and never come back.

My brother is a clinically depressed alcoholic who refuses treatment.

My sisterinlaw has been driven mad somehow and refuses to discipline her son in any way.

My newphew has gone to the dark side and makes cartoonish fictional characters like Dudley Dursley look like heroic knights of old. One could never imagine a more high maintenance child in a trillion years. The poor bastard... even my BAD DADDY routine failed to make a dent in his HEY-LOOK-AT-HOW-INDULGED-I'VE-BEEN suit of chain mail. I failed. Utterly failed.

I feel like a huge chunk of my spleen has been removed.

Please put all kinds of [[[[[]]]]]]]]] thingys in a virtual hug for me. Because I need it.
[{{{(((chuckdarwin)))}}}]

Kids grow up, chuck, and sometimes terrible kids grow up to hate their parents and be generally decent people.
posted by muddgirl 16 August | 20:56
(That looks like a seat belt.)

Dude, they're out of your hair! Yes! Head out to the store, grap some champers, take the Mrs/Ms/Mz/Mr onto the veranda, pop open the bubbly, gaze into his/her eyes, and relish in the fact that your kids/cats/iguanas will never end up like Dudley 2.0. That should ease the phantom pains from the missing spleen.
posted by mdonley 16 August | 20:57
aw dude that sucks monkey gonads, seriously. ((((((((chuckdarwin))))))))

i have similarly-ruined cousinlets (my first cousins' kids) oh my GOD do they ever bite ass. and i came to the realisation last week at my uncle's memorial what an utter godsforsaken arrogant prick my eldest first cousin is.

what i'm trying to say here is that you have my endless sympathy and that you're a saint for having endured as well as you have.
posted by lonefrontranger 16 August | 20:58
So how much DOES it cost to ship a ton of whuffles to the U.K.?
posted by bunnyfire 16 August | 21:09
I have cousins like this. They have a closet next to their bigscreen t.v. that is filled with snacks that they have free access to. Come dinner they are not hungry (go figure) so are allowed to eat french fries because "at least it's something." The older of the two has escaped harm, taken up basketball and enjoys drawing animal cartoons and is off to college. The younger, alas, perhaps it is too late for her. I give them books every year at Christmas. They are all lined up on a shelf, spines uncracked. No other books for youth in the house except my gifts.

I couldn't imagine. You must be a saint to put up with them.
posted by typewriter 16 August | 21:39
Hugs and a big emapthetic primal scream!
posted by brujita 16 August | 22:19
{{{{{{{{{{{{chuck}}}}}}}}}}}}

Poor kid.

You didn't fail. Glad you have your house back. Enjoy.
posted by LoriFLA 16 August | 22:40
So sorry about your nephew cd. I hope he turns out OK. Big hugs.
posted by arse_hat 16 August | 23:44
Bet you'd like to punctuate their equilibrium, cd, huh?
posted by rob511 17 August | 01:33
who do you blame when your kid is a brat,
pampered and spoiled like a siamese cat?
blaming the kids is a lie and a shame;
you know exactly who's to blame:

the mother and the father!

oompa loompa doomp-pa-dee da,
if you're not spoiled then you will go far;
you will live in happiness too
like the oompa loompa doomp-pa-dee do


THANKS, EVERYONE.
posted by chuckdarwin 17 August | 05:08
Exactly, chuckdarwin. This kind of training is only a disservice to child, to parent, and to everyone who will every encounter the person the kid grows up to be.

((((((((beer and hugs))))))))
posted by Elsa 17 August | 09:08
((((((((hugs)))))))))

As my father always says, "It builds character."

Sorry it sucked so much. Yay that it's over!!
posted by occhiblu 17 August | 09:50
And if one of you would be kind enough || I love you people.

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