I think it was that my Mrs. Plinth and I reached a level of comfort and intimacy that this was what we really wanted. Mrs. Plinth seriously had baby on the brain ahead of the game. Me not as much, but I was enjoying the time I spent around kids more and more.

A lot of cultural pressure, my wife wanted to, and I didn't mind the idea. As soon as I held my newborn son it struck me like a ton of bricks that my entire life was fundamentally changed from here on out. I have four kids now, and they often drive me crazy, but have also had wonderful moments that I would never have had otherwise. The standard Rah Rah! in other words.

I honestly don't remember even making a conscious decision. I know that, if I could go back and make it again, I would head down another path but, for the life of me, can't remember ever actually deciding "OK, we're good to go".

We knew we were going to have kids eventually. Then as we hit 30, we figured it was about time--especially if we wanted more than one. It wasn't that my ticking clock demanded it. It was more a practical decision. I'm glad we waited. We got to travel, get stable financially, build up solid careers. And I'm also glad that we had them so far apart. I just personally couldn't have handled more than one teeny person at a time.

I always knew I would become a father.

Upon getting married, it was really just a question of when. I wasn't so sure I was ready, but my wife's charms won out. Our first was born just before our third anniversary.

It was a visceral craving.

Weird, because for years prior I never wanted kids. Then I got to know a little girl a friend was babysitting, and she took to me like a duck to water. All of a sudden parenthood looked attractive.

Three kids and a grandbun later I am glad I took the plunge.

Even as incredibly unprepared as I am, as immature as I am, as lost as I am, I've thought about it a few times. When I was thinking about it, I knew I was considering it for the wrong reasons -- guilt. My parents would make the most awesomest grandparents ever. My brother's 10 years older than I am and even more fucked up, so their chances dwindle as each month passes, my mom doesn't get healthier, and neither my brother nor I make any more of ourselves. Being the younger one, the burden is somehow more mine. And yes, there's guilt that comes with that.

Fortunately, I have a healthy fear of challenges (and for me, the simple act of getting pregnant would obviously be more of a challenge than for most women), and a healthy amount of self-servingness. (Well, the self-centeredness is healthy in this case, at least.) And thankfully, I am aware that it would be better for my parents to go grandchildless than for someone with my current baggage and stuff to have a kid.

That, of course, doesn't answer the original question. But hey. Sometimes the coin lands on tails.

Hm, responses in the "I didn't choose to" category are welcome as well. Thanks for both types.

I remember being 10 or 11 and thinking about the year 2000. Wow, I'll be thirty-one then. I wonder what life will be like? I mean I'll have kids, of course, but what else...?

After pestering my wife for some years, my oldest was born in January 1999.

Back when we thought about it, courts were still taking kids away from gay parents just because a family member asked for it. Georgia's laws at the time made you a criminal without a right to your job, much less your child, so no way were we going to risk that. (We're both related to Christians, unfortunately, so the risk of tragedy was there.)

Things are slightly better now on the legal front, but A) we're both a little too old to be starting a new family now, and B) things are still not "good" for families like ours, by any means. So the assholes who wanted to keep people like us from becoming parents succeeded, in our case. I can't dwell on that or it really makes me crazy.

I always knew I wanted to be a Dad, too. I am very lucky I found such a great woman to have them with. I was surprised at how quickly (and how strongly) I knew I did NOT want to have any more after our first, though - I always thought I wanted two or three.

BoringPostcards -- That is such a frustrating story. Perhaps you'll take some pleasure in knowing that here in Massachusetts, on Cape Cod, I see families with same-sex parents on an almost daily basis -- so often, in fact, that my six-year-old doesn't even think it is worthy of mention when a new friend/playmate has two mommies or two daddies. Things are changing.

I skipped a few months and I almost thought that the decision had been made for me, but I was wrong. :)

My plans varied a lot at different stages of my life.

In my early to mid-20's, I didn't plan on ever having kids. I figured I'd be one of those crazy old ladies with a couple dozen cats or something. Yelling at kids to get off my lawn while they dared each other to ring the neighborhood witch's doorbell. I'm an only child and have had the privilege of choosing who I consider siblings, nieces, nephews, etc. I've always been a pretty good "aunt" even when I was younger.

I got pregnant with my son right before I turned 27. It still wasn't in my plans, but once I gave it some serious soul-searching, my plans changed. And that was the moment I decided I wanted to be a mom. There have been hard times, but no real regrets.

I had my tubes tied when my daughter was born shortly before I turned 30 (emergency C-section, "hey, while you're in there anyway, I signed the release forms 2 weeks ago"). There have been times since then when I thought it might be nice, for instance, to be able to have a child with my fiance. We've made our peace with that never happening, due to age and other circumstances.

Wow, I hadn't intended to go on so long about this.

My clock started ticking at 16 or so. I was the oldest of five, so I knew what was what (ha!) But I also knew I needed to live first and get through college. A good third of my classmates dropped out to get married or have babies before graduation - suck city.

I was a little frustrated for the first decade of my marriage because Hubby wasn't ready. Every few years I'd ask "now?" and it would be "no, I'm not ready". Then he surprised me by suggesting we start trying.

As to why the compulsion? I like to teach. I like learning with youngsters, and I like kids. It was good I could have my own, but if I hadn't been able to, I would have adopted. I don't have a thing about passing on my genes, just passing on knowlege and a love for life.

btw, I like the framing of your question. "Being a parent" is infinitely preferable to "having kids".

Just to add to what lysdexic is saying, I know some very fine people who have adopted a little girl and are now awaiting their future little boy. I've only ever met the husband, so far, but I see him interact with their daughter and how she acts and, oh man, it makes me wish I was just a bit younger and could deal with the diaper thing again.

I was sure I was ready to have kids with my first boyfriend (back when I was 15 and we were going to get married when I got out of college) because he was just so damn handsome, attractive, intelligent, etc. and we were going to make great babies together. Also, he was a good father-figure to his little brother, and I found myself enjoying time with the kid, too, when I hadn't enjoyed being with little kids all that much before. The turning point for me was when all three of us had Disneyland Annual Passes, and I took the little brother with me when he was eight, all by myself. We had a great time.

Now, I'm definitely not ready to have kids as an abstract concept, but if I ever found that kind of guy again, I'd want to have kids with him.

Heh, I sat down to type up an answer last night, but then, children beckoned!

I had always thought that I might like to have kids. I have a kid brother who is ten years younger than me, and I really enjoyed hanging around with him when he was a wee one. But then, I had an experience in my late teens/early twenties that made me wonder (too long to type out I'm afraid).

When Jen and I met, I was 23, and she was 22. We decided that we were the ones for each other fairly quickly and when kids came up, Jen was certain she wanted some, felt that I'd be a great dad, but I wasn't sure. I wouldn't rule it out though. Jen felt quite sure that I'd come around, and I suspected she was right, so we were alright. Jen told me that she wanted to have our first by the time she was thirty.

Around the age of 28, we bought a house across from a young family. I noticed watching them, that wherever the kids were, the parents were. The parents were clearly REALLY involved in their kids' lives. That resonated with me a lot. I started thinking it was something I could actually DO. Around that time, Billy Bragg and Wilco release Mermaid Avenue, and one of those songs, "Hesitating Beauty" struck me like a club, especially these lines:

We can ramble hand in hand across the grasses of our land
I'll kiss you for each leaf on every tree
We can bring our kids to play where the dry leaves blow today
If you quit your hesitating, Nora Lee

That cinched it for me...I mean, it's not like the song made me want to have kids, it seemed to really remind me of an idea that I loved. Time passage, and growing together. I also love to see the laugh lines that are starting to appear on Jen's face as well...

Anyhoo, Sophie was born about 4 months after Jen's 30th birthday. Evelyn came along about 30 months later.

My wife had always wanted a kid. For years, I was never "quite ready." We broke up.

Then 2.5 years later, we got married. The morning of my wedding, I am walking around the block, composing my vows, and AT the wedding, vow 6 (or whatever) is "I will have and raise a child with you."

The 100+ people there had a collective jaw-drop.

But of course, I can't think of any other way I would have wanted my life to turn out.

This is very interesting. At some point I may post a similar question to AskMe.

I ask because this is a decision I need to make at some point in the rather near future. I'm not one of those people who always craved having kids or felt it was a requirement. I've worked with literally tens of thousands of kids and have been involved in a lot of young lives, so I know a lot about what I'd be getting into, and don't romanticize it much. I'm cognizant of the personal sacrifice in terms of career, freedom, etc. And I'm old.

I wonder, if I don't 'just have' that feeling, maybe it's an indication it's not for me.

On the other hand, I can see myself being moved to go forward with it in a scenario a bit like richat's. My family would be great aunts, uncles, grandpa, grandma.

But at my stage of life, it's not an easy call.

"Whoah. Guess I should have used the diagphram every time, huh? Wellll. How about that. So, whaddya think? We on with this?"

My first child was very planned. We bought a house, we were married, and I just always wanted to have kids - four, in fact. I always envisioned four boys, or three boys and a girl. I took my temperature, I got pregnant on the first "try". And he was great, in many ways, but the marriage suffered. I was ready to be a "grownup" (I was 26 when my first son was born), but my then husband was not. We struggled along for years, literally and figuratively, when I discovered I was pregnant again. And I was elated. Even though I felt that our marriage was ending, I wanted another baby. I wanted more than one kid, and my self esteem (though having my kids really increased it) was still low enough that I was afraid I'd never meet anyone else who would love me and want a child with me. My first marriage ended right after my second son turned a year old.
Flash forward a couple of years. I meet my husband, a single man with three kids (but they didn't live with him, but he got them every weekend). We evolved, married, discussed having a baby together for years (really. there are times when I still think...) Then his daughter came to live with us. Six months later, one of his sons. So I really ended up with the four kids I always wanted, just not in the way I expected.
Miko, my brother has never wanted kids, and was lucky to meet a woman who was ambivalant about the whole thing. I guess the question to ask yourself is whether or not you'll regret not having a child. Will it bother you in 10 years? Is is possible you'll have an ache in your heart for a space not filled? Or will you be happy? Many people have made decisions not to have kids, for one reason or another, and are comfortable with their choices. Not that this helps any, but you're the only one who can answer it for you.