Do nothing. They are drunk fools. They'll wake up the next day and laugh about it together.

Pay attention to details and call non emergency number, they ARE drunk fools, and drunk fools may do overly foolish things, let the coppers decide how seriously to take it.

What TPS said.

My rule with calling the cops about incidents is whether there's been physical contact or not. If it's just yelling I call the non-emergency desk. If somebody's shoved or thrown etc., then it's 911.

Last night I went outside to investigate some over-late party noises (2:30am). While I'm outside, something entirely unrelated happens: three kids, roughly 18, start yelling at a 50ish guy with a beard, calling him "Old Man River" (how unusually literary). Beardo starts running, no kidding, for his life. They run after him but they're too far away to begin with and not serious enough so they wander back past me while I'm on with 911. They see me, thanks to the blue glow of my phone, and two of them feint toward me. I don't flinch (that's all they want, probably), but the 911 operator gets hyper when I tell her they noticed me and orders me to "get inside a safe place".

Anyway, there wasn't actually contact, and by the time the cops come by the three guys have disappeared and they can't find the guy with the beard either.

Sorry, we've had shootings on our corner, I don't wait until it reaches that point anymore.

I usually only call the cops if there's a major strength/power (e.g. armed v unarmed) disparity going on.

Even if you think you're doing one of the parties a favor, you don't know what their legal sitation it. What if you accidentally screw up someone's parole just because the cop had a bad night and decided to charge both people with assault, even when one's clearly the aggressor? You don't know, and you can't trust cops to be fair- they don't have the time or energy to sort stuff like this out.

Do nothing. They are drunk fools.

and

you can't trust cops to be fair- they don't have the time or energy to sort stuff like this out.

sum it up pretty nicely for me.

From what they are shouting it seems the two have been mates for many years but are now having an intense disagreement about disrespect.

Fast forward an hour:

"Oy, mate...I love ya." Hug, nudge, hug, nudge.

"Fuckin' ya,' this one's on me. Did I tell ya,' I love ya?' Not like that. But, fuck ya!' 'Come here ya big lug. Hey...everyone...this is my best friend, ever...ya'...a'int he cool? I love him. Not like that, but hey...not that there's anything wrong with that!"

Don't worry about it.

Fucking ignore it altogether. Perhaps one kills the other. Perhaps they sober up tomorrow and have a larf. Who can say?

Gee, I'm as suspicious of the police as anyone, but I've seen too many fights escalate to ignore them.

Yelling matches? I used to roll my eyes at the noise and nuisance.

Then one evening a neighbor came pounding on my door, looking for a safe place to hide.

Now, if a screaming match goes on long enough for me to notice it's a screaming match, I call the cops. If it's two people on the street, I figure that by the time the police arrive, the fight will have escalated ("Phew! Good thing I already called the police!") or evaporated ("Ah - too bad I bothered the police for nothing"). Then a peace officer (off-duty, whom I met socially) pointed out that that was the best-case scenario for him: to be called out for nothing instead of for something.

If it's people at home, well, it's a domestic disturbance: I call the cops. In the dominant culture where I live, sustained bouts of screaming are poorly tolerated and generally indicate something wrong. I act accordingly.

But I'm old and crotchety. Also, get off my lawn.

Mr. rossi once broke up a drunken altercation by picking up the aggressor and throwing him in a dumpster.

Mr. rossi was arrested and tried for "violent and tumultuous behavior."

So...don't do that.

"violent and tumultuous behavior"

Fantastic! Almost as good as the offence of "Furious driving" one can be charged with on the Isle of Man.

MYOB.

I'm probably in small_ruminant's camp in reality; if the participants seem mostly equally matched, and there's not outright violence like punching, then I probably wouldn't call the police.

But ethically, I feel that I probably should. So I'm ambivalent.

Don't bother with the Police. According to the band's drummer, Stewart Copeland, they are "unbelievably lame... We are the mighty Police and we are totally at sea... The mighty Sting momentarily looks like a petulant pansy instead of the god of rock." So I say, let 'em fight.

If it would've happened over here, no one would've paid much attention, unless they were getting physical, or disturbing the peace too much.
We don't have a 911 number, but people generally do take things into there own hands so their would've been people who would've stepped in.
I'm glad you didn't though; they were just idiots who had too much to drink--not your problem. If it was something more serious, then you could've gotten involved (called 911, or the help desk).

very nice to know you were kind enough to care so much, grouse

I told the station attendant in the subway that a man was shoving a woman who seemed to be his SO on the steps-----but it wasn't in front of them.

I'd start taking bets on the outcome.

what mischief said. Or you could start behaving as a spectator- whoa! what do you say to that, dude? Haha! You got him there! Good one!

You'd be furthering world peace - I just bet they'll get along at least well enough to kick your ass.

Anyway, isn't fighting while drunk kind of a hobby for a lot of people?

Popular amongst hoboes and some boys who say they have "dealt this their sexuality".

And pirates that misspell things.
Observed by many a rum drinker, yo ho ho.

What if you accidentally screw up someone's parole just because the cop had a bad night and decided to charge both people with assault, even when one's clearly the aggressor?

Around here, we call that "redneck luck".

No we don't. I just made it up. But it wouldn't exactly be an accident, you know.

The loud, long kind of fights are rarely all that serious. It's the short, not all that noisy kind that get really brutish. If they're not crying for help, and not crying in pain, I generally ignore people who are just crying, or shouting at one another. Inserting oneself in a domestic situation is a good way to bring the hurt on oneself, as most cops will tell you.

the market square at 12:30 a.m

Cambridge market square, by any chance? (looking at your profile). That's like Fight Club sometimes late at the weekend. Oh the joys I've had crossing that on a Saturday night when Cindies is kicking out.

Cambridge market square, by any chance?

Just approach them with two Special Burgers. No drunk man can resist a Special Burger.

Oh yes, greycap.

Anyway, if anyone wants to know what I *did* do, well, I didn't stick around to watch. While leaving I tried to consider what the people involved would want. I decided they would probably not want the police involved. But if one of them got really hurt it would be bad if I hadn't. So I called the police non-emergency number. There was no answer.

If the police were too busy answer the phone, they were probably too busy to deal with this. And I imagine the girls present would call an ambulance if someone suffered grievous bodily harm. So that's where I dropped it.

I can see the point of everyone posted here. I'm still not entirely sure who is right. But I think I would do the same thing again next time.

Shoot them both and let god sort 'em out. Oh, and then take their ladies home for some rumpy-pumpy.

I'm beginning to think chrismear is a genius. And Eideteker is a guy who will never be oblivious to the ghost of an opportunity (however overly optimistic the ghost) for a bit rumpy-pumpy.

Eideteker: that's what I would have done if I were still in Texas. There's a reason an armed society is a polite society. These Brits will never learn.

I once saw two drunk frat boys, each of whom was positive that the other was a bitch and wanted to alert the world of this fact. Then they saw me walking by on the other side of the street, minding my own business. They quickly agreed that I was in fact the bitch, and they chased me three blocks. I wish someone had called the non-emergency number (I could run faster than they could, but maybe the next bitch along that street couldn't).

Frat boys in groups are the scariest people I have ever run into, no joke. They KNOW they can get away with anything.

I had a linguistics teacher who said one of the American class markers was whether you described a fistfight you saw as a good fight or a bad one. (Working class says good. Turns out that's how I was raised, too.)

Around here, we call that "redneck luck".

Or, around here, anyone who lives in certain neighborhoods, especially if they're not white or Asian. tangent: Doing background checks for a big company for a while was really eye-opening. It was very clear who had access to good lawyers and who didn't.

I have a new entry in my vocabulary: rumpy-pumpy.

I'd call. I was once present in a small bar for a bar fight that started like this - yelling, then shoulder-shoving, girls trying to stop it. One guy left, everyone shrugged it off, things quieted down. Minutes later guy 2, from outside, heaved a chair through the bar's glass doorway, sending glass flying into the place. The chair landed on a table, skidded across, and fell, and the whole thing re-erupted. The police got there quickly and shut the place down; I don't know what ensued.

The presence of police, more often than not, defuses situations. They don't always press charges even when they can, and they are generally people who have seen far more of this type of thing than the rest of us and are capable of good judgement. There are certainly notable exceptions, but for the most part, I don't fear or regret the involvement of police in situations which could potentially grow dangerous not only for the direct participants, but for random bystanders who may suddenly find themselves brushing off the shrapnel.

Oh, also - always, always just call the number when something invovling safety is going on. There is an important distinction between 'emergency' and 'non-emergency' numbers. The non-emergency number is usually a police station desk clerk's number, who most likely works normal office hours. That's the one you're meant to call to find out whether the ice on the lake is thick enough to skate on, or where to register your bicycle, or to confirm the cops' Chinese food lunch order. It is normally a true non-emergency number and rings in an office; after hours you're not likely to find anyone answering (though there should be a message directing you what to do if there is an emergency).

So, when safety is a concern for any reason whatsoever, always call the 'emergency' line, or 911 where that exists. These lines are staffed by dispatchers, not clerks, and are typically answered 24-7. It's up to the dispatcher, through radio consultation with the cops on duty, to decide whether your call is a high or low priority. If all you're doing is saying 'there's an altercation starting on 3rd, wanted you to know,' they may or may not choose to act upon it. They are in the best position to know their resources, and if something more important is going down, they might blow off a shouting match in front of a bar. However, if the next morning at 6 AM a car turns up with all its windows broken or, you know, a jogger finds a body in an alley, it might be an extremely helpful fact that the dispatcher's log shows a drunken altercation in a nearby spot at 2 AM. By calling, at the very least, you generate a record that something happened. And at the most, they're not too busy and they drive by and blip the lights, and maybe everybody calms down a bit. They're the cops; they get paid to deal with this stuff. Let them decide what's important.

Think of all the horrifying happenings that could have been nipped in the bud by the simple act of someone placing a call before things got out of hand.

You step firmly in between the two and say in a loud, clear voice:

"Now girls, you're both pretty. If you two sissys are going to have a slap fight or a make-out session, you should really get a room or something. Because real men such as myself might need to use this sidewalk. Now if you pussy farts will excuse me I am going to go over and hit on your women, 'cause I am in the mood for some skank."

Sure, they will beat you up bad. But you will have prevented two lifelong friends from destroying their friendship. Sometimes you just have to do the right thing.

Awesome, LarryC! You're a true altruist.

Police v. no police decisions may have a lot to do with your particular police experience. Someone in the projects will feel differently about calling the police than someone in suburbia. As will, I assume, someone in Sweden feel differently than someone in Russia.

My point is- there aren't any general right answers.

In my brother's town, if you call the police they're going to charge somebody with something. If the perp you called about is gone, you'll get hassled for something. In my current town, you can call, but don't expect anyone to show up unless there's someone still bleeding on your floor. (I still call, just so there's a record.) In my last town, 4 miles away, they'd show up and dust for prints for a stolen stereo.

If the perp you called about is gone, you'll get hassled for something.

Well, I wouldn't hang around in a situation like this one; it doesn't have anything to do with me, and I'm just passing by. In this instance you can just call and say "Just so you know, there's a shouting altercation going on on X street that might be getting violent. No thanks, I don't need a follow-up, just wanted to report it."

When calling about domestic situations in my own neighborhood, I've been a little bit more nervous about it coming back on me; but in fact, both times the situation was so egregious that the perp would have had a hard time figuring out which neighbor had overheard the out-of-control screaming drama.

Unless someone's death is imminent, only call the police from a pay phone.