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Quick points:
- The townsfolk wondering what the troll is a metaphor is the best bit of the story.
- I was pretty bored until the wife curtsied.
- I didn't like having a punchline, and I'm concerned that only a small number of people understand the meaning of "Don't feed the Trolls"
- I nearly stopped at "shattering the demur morning atmosphere." That's an overstrained phrase. Say it simpler.
- Metaphor is not spelled "metaphore"
- I'd start the story later. "It was a cold January morning when Gabriel Jones bought the troll home for breakfast."
Good stuff. I don't know how that blasted "e" got on there, but lately I've been typing "hear" when I mean "here," which is even worse. Maybe I can blame it on learning a second language.
Also, I just posted a second story, and I didn't link directly to the story I wanted you to read. Sorry.
I read Golden Skates - I liked it. It made me want to read to the end. I had a video of it in my head as I read - I especially like the warehouse setting description.
I don't have any "technical" or edit type tips; One of the things I hated about high school English was that we had to analyze what we read, and to me, when I thought we should just absorb it and experience. If you didn't like what you experienced, then you abandoned.
Well, I actually love analyzing, and when I write it probably shows. In fact, in my critical writing class, I put "I could write an essay on this" on someone's story as a serious compliment.
And I don't much care for technical tips anyways. seanyboy's pointers are the best I've gotten so far, including those from my professor.