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05 May 2007

THIS IS A SHOUTING THREAD! [More:]MY EX-HUSBAND PROMISED ME HE WOULD BE HERE THIS AFTERNOON TO COLLECT THIS DAMN FURNITURE I'VE BEEN WAITING OVER A YEAR FOR HIM TO PICK UP AND IT'S NEARLY 4.30 AND HE'S NOT HERE YET AND HIS PHONE IS SWITCHED OFF.

I COULD BE AT THE MEFI/MECHA PICNIC INSTEAD OF WAITING IN FOR HIS SORRY UNRELIABLE LYING ARSE!

ALTHOUGH I AM FURIOUS, BASED ON HIS HISTORY, I AM REALLY NOT SURPRISED BECAUSE HE HAS NEVER KEPT A PROMISE IN HIS ENTIRE LIFE.
go to picnic, he's late, his fault.

and, my contribution:

I LOST MY VOICE SCREAMING LAST NIGHT!
SECOND TIME THIS PLAYOFF SEASON.

SAAAAAABBBBBBBRRRRRREEEEEEESSSSSS
posted by kellydamnit 05 May | 10:31
IT'S TOO LATE TO GO TO THE PICNIC, THEY WERE MEETING NEARLY AT 2PM AND IT'S NEARLY 5 NOW AND IT'LL TAKE ME AT LEAST 90 MINUTES TO GET INTO LONDON AND HALF AN HOUR TO GET READY BY WHICH TIME IT'LL ALL BE OVER.
posted by essexjan 05 May | 10:37
GOD DAMNIT ESSEXJAN I KNEW THIS WAS GOING TO HAPPEN.
MY SOLUTION WAS TO BRING THE FURNITURE TO THE PICNIC. HOW AWESOME WOULD THAT HAVE BEEN!? DO IT NEXT TIME!!

I DON'T WANT TO STUDY FOR MY ANTHRO EXAM BUT YOU KNOW IT'S REALLY NOT A BIG DEAL, I'LL BE STUDYING FOR IT ALL THE SAME, SO I DON'T KNOW WHY I'M YELLING ABOUT IT.
posted by CitrusFreak12 05 May | 10:55
DAMN THESE EXAMS I'VE GOT TO PREPEARE FOR, AND DAMN FOR EVERYTHING ELSE THAT I'M GOING TO HAVE TO JUGGLE BEACUSE OF THEM.
posted by hadjiboy 05 May | 11:36
I AM SO FUCKING MAD ABOUT THIS. HE WILL BE DRUNK/STONED SOMEWHERE. I AM TEMPTED TO ARRANGE FOR THE STUFF (INCLUDING ALL HIS TOOLS) TO BE COLLECTED BY ONE OF THE LOCAL CHARITY STORES, AND NOT TELL HIM, SO WHEN (IF) HE GOES TO THE EFFORT OF GETTING A VAN AND DRIVING OVER HERE (HE LIVES ABOUT 30 MILES AWAY) IT'LL BE A WASTED JOURNEY FOR HIM. BUT THEN MY CONSCIENCE KICKS IN AND I KNOW IT IS NOT MY STUFF TO DISPOSE OF.
posted by essexjan 05 May | 11:57
DO IT!!!

THE PAYCUT I TOOK WHEN MOVING TO MY AWESOME JOB IS GOING TO KILL ME! MY BILLS AT THE MOMENT ARE ABOUT THREE TIMES HIGHER THAN THE MONEY I HAVE TO PAY THEM. AND THE DIRECT DEPOSIT DIDN'T WORK, SO I HAVE A PAPER CHECK AND MY BANK IS 30 MILES AWAY. THE BOYFRIEND WILL HELP, BUT I DISLIKE THE IDEA OF HIM GIVING ME MONEY BECAUSE I DON'T MAKE ENOUGH. AT LEAST NOT UNTIL WE'RE MARRIED. AND WHEN IS THAT GOING TO HAPPEN?!!?

AND THERE WAS A CAR ACCIDENT OUTSIDE MY BUILDING THIS MORNING. A GIRL WAS THROWN OUT THE OPEN DRIVER'S SIDE WINDOW. *****WEAR YOUR SEATBELTS, BUNNIES!!!!!!!!!*****
posted by youngergirl44 05 May | 12:12
SORRY ABOUT THAT FUCKING ASSHOLE, EJ! BREAK OR SCRATCH SOME OF THE FURNITURE, MAYBE?
posted by By the Grace of God 05 May | 12:46
ACCCCHHHH! WE'RE TOTALLY POOR AGAIN! MOVING TO ATHENS + PAYING TAXES CHEWED UP THOUSANDS (LIKE 8 THOUSAND, EURO), BUT THE WHOLE POINT OF MOVING WAS FOR US TO BE ABLE TO MAKE MORE MONEY HERE... BUT HIS NEXT JOB WILL BE ON A REMOTE ISLAND FOR TWO(+) MONTHS, AND NOTHING HAS CHANGED FOR ME... SO, REALLY, WE COULD HAVE WAITED ANOTHER THREE-SIX MONTHS TO MOVE... AND NOW WE HAVE TO BORROW MONEY TO LIVE FOR THE NEXT TWO MONTHS. FUCK. It will be okay, but... fuck.
posted by taz 05 May | 12:55
WHILE I WAS PAINTING THE WOODWORK JUST NOW I HAD A THINK AND I HAVE DECIDED WHAT TO DO.

Tomorrow morning - early - I will drive over to his place with the stuff that'll fit in my car - his bags of tools, some other personal stuff he left behind, and a couple of the smaller pieces of furniture, and I will dump them at his place.

I will tell him that he has until Wednesday to collect the rest of it or it will be given to charity. If he arranges to come over after Wednesday, I will wait until he gets here to tell him that it's not here. I think there needs to be a wasted journey in this as a lesson for him.

Every time I have the slightest pang about ending my marriage I get a reminder that it was like this all the time, all the bloody time! It matters a lot to him that he doesn't let his drug mates down but he would pull this kind of shit on me time and time again, never being where we'd arrange to meet, leaving me waiting for hours, never calling, not coming home, lies, lies, lies ... I think it was easier for him to tell a lie than the truth.
posted by essexjan 05 May | 13:29
I DIDN'T MAKE THE PICNIC EITHER BUT IT WASN'T SO BAD BECAUSE I SPENT THE DAY BABY SITTING MY YOUNG NIECE. WE WENT TO THE PARK, PLAYED ON EVERY CONCEIVABLE PIECE OF PLAY EQUIPMENT, I READ MIFFY BOOKS TO HER, GAVE HER HER NAP, MADE HER SOME LUNCH AND PLAYED SOME MORE. COOL.

JAN: WHY DON'T YOU SEND HIM A "IF YOU DON'T PICK YOUR STUFF UP BY SUCH AND SUCH A DATE, I'LL BE FORCED TO REMOVE IT FROM MY PROPERTY" LETTER?
posted by TheDonF 05 May | 13:29
"...I think there needs to be a wasted journey in this as a lesson for him. ..."

SCHOOL'S OUT, ESSEXJAN. YOU'RE NO LONGER RESPONSIBLE FOR HIS EDUCATION, OR THE COMPLETE AND UTTER LACK THEREOF.

And isn't there a well trod legal theory of property abandonment in your jurisdiction? 'Cause it sure seems to me that title has passed to you on this abandoned property, effective this date. Sell or hock the tools, if they've any value, and apply that money to your renovation project. Donate the furniture to any women's shelter your skeevy neighbor's paramours might be directed to in future.

Just a thought...
posted by paulsc 05 May | 13:47
JAN: WHY DON'T YOU SEND HIM A "IF YOU DON'T PICK YOUR STUFF UP BY SUCH AND SUCH A DATE, I'LL BE FORCED TO REMOVE IT FROM MY PROPERTY" LETTER?

He's had texts like that and begged me to keep it until he can collect it. In the past it wasn't a big deal but now I need the space as I'm renovating.

And paulsc, I lost count of the number of times I drove across Essex to pick him up from some pub or other - once on the hottest day of the year, where, after driving 25 miles, I sat outside for 20 minutes waiting for him until I almost passed out. I went in the pub and his friends told me that, despite him having called me three times to check I was coming to collect him and me confirming three times I was, he'd called a cab instead. So I had to drive back 25 miles in a car with no air-con and when I got home he was passed out on the toilet with his pants round his ankles. Later on the cab driver came back for the fare, as, of course, he didn't have it. It was 60, which I paid.

So, I think he owes me at least one wasted journey.

I know I was no saint when I was his wife, I was drinking through all but the last two years of our marriage and caused him some grief, and I suppose me storing this stuff for him and trying to make sure he gets it is part of my Step 9 amends to him. But there comes a point when I have to say enough.
posted by essexjan 05 May | 14:06
If this was a quiet, almost silent, whining thread (crying on the inside, let's say), I'd participate.
posted by brina 05 May | 14:25
PARTS OF THE BOOK MANUSCRIPT I'M EDITING FOR WORK ARE NOW 4 MONTHS LATE!!!! ONLY YESTERDAY DID I FINALLY GET A LIST/PHOTOCOPY OF EACH OF THE 2OO ILLUSTRATIONS FOR THE BOOK (SO THAT WAS ALSO 4 MONTHS LATE)! AND THE ENTIRE MANUSCRIPT, PLUS ALL PHOTO MATERIAL, IS DUE TO THE DESIGNER IN 3 WEEKS! YET THE MAIN CURATOR INVOLVED HAS INDICATED REPEATEDLY THAT I'M JUST BEING UNREASONABLE AND THAT SHE DOESN'T THINK SHE SHOULD HAVE TO HAVE ANY OF THESE DEADLINES ANYWAY! BECAUSE OF COURSE SHE KNOWS MORE ABOUT BOOK PUBLISHING THAN I DO, EVEN THOUGH MY COLLEAGUES AND I HAVE PUBLISHED DOZENS (IF NOT 100+) MORE BOOKS THAN SHE HAS!!!

SO NOW I HAVE TO SPEND THE ENTIRE WEEKEND DOING FREELANCE WORK AND REGULAR WORK-WORK!

on preview:
trying to make sure he gets it is part of my Step 9 amends to him. But there comes a point when I have to say enough.

Hear, hear. It sounds to me that you have repeatedly made a good faith effort to make amends. I don't know much about AA, but I can't imagine that you're required to keep at it forever when the other party refuses to hold up their end of the bargain logistically...?
posted by scody 05 May | 14:48
"... So, I think he owes me at least one wasted journey. ..."

WHAT A GUY!

BUT HEY, BEING CO-DEPENDENT ISN'T ALL SH*TS AND GIGGLES, IS IT? 'CAUSE IF IT WAS, IT WOULDN'T TAKE STRONG, STOLID TYPES LIKE US TO DO IT, WOULD IT?

My favorite drunk ex-spouse evening was the one where I got the call at 3:00 a.m. from the cops in a town 40 miles away, saying they'd picked her up again, drunk and disorderly in the parking lot of one her favorite joints, which threw her out on January New England night, to close. The cops wanted me to come bail her out, because she was screaming at the top of her lungs, and riling up the other prisoners in the small town jail, and she'd given them my number.

Like a dope, because I hadn't had enough abuse by that point, I got dressed, went out, and met the bondsman at the jail. $1000 later, I had custody of a crying, cursing drunk who had covered the front of herself in vomit, and pissed herself, and was still screaming at the cops, and trying to take a poke at them, and at me. And the cops wanted their handcuffs back, when they threw her in my car.

So, I get her to her place, and fumble for her keys, which I can't find, because she's left them in the door, although it takes me 10 minutes to remember that she often does that when leaving her house drunk. No sign of her car, either.

I finally carry her stinking, half passed out self into her condo, where I find her dope fiend boss/boyfriend, passed out on the couch, with his fly open and his hand in his crotch, with a do-it-yourself porno tape the two of them must have made on some rare occasion when they were still capable of having sex, still playing in the VCR. I ignore the $3,000 white powder mountain on the foot square mirror on the coffee table, and carry her up stairs to what might once have been a bedroom, and flop her down on top of the pile of dirty clothes and garbage which I think might be held up by a bed.

While mentally debating whether or not I have a moral duty to clean her up at all, before leaving, and just about deciding I don't, I hear Prince Charming stumbling around downstairs, awakened from his stupor by the blast of cold night air I'd let in while coming in, and not getting the front door closed. I call out to let him know I'm upstairs, he freaks out, stumbles out to his truck, grabs his .38, stumbles back in, and I meet him as I'm coming down the stairs. He throws a shot at me, before I realize he's got a gun, but it's a cheap snub nosed peice, and he's excited and drunk and coked up, and the bullet goes into the staircase wall.

I jump down the stairs, trying to get his gun before he gets off another shot. We struggle, and the gun goes off again, and the bullet goes into the wall beside the front door. I knee him in the groin, but booze and coke are pretty effective at letting him ignore that. I get his weapon, but exactly how, I don't know to this day. I stand up, and don't quite hear the Darling Girl coming down the stairs in time to fully turn around before she wails into me, for trying to kill her man.

Fortunately, she's still a little too drunk, and too sick to get a full shot at my head, and only succeeds in pushing me over her boyfriend, and towards the front door. I exit the premises, with a fired gun in my hand, at 5:30 in the morning, just as porch lights from adjacent condo units start coming on.

I knock on the closest door where a light showed, and yell through the door to the persons inside to please call the cops. The boyfriend and the Darling Girl are coming down upon me, trying to regain his gun. I run around in the parking lot for 10 minutes, playing "keep away" with 2 drunks.

The cops finally show up, and hilarity ensues. I'm arrested, and given a paraffin test, but don't have powder residue on my hands, while boyfriend does. Cops check with cops in town 40 miles away, and confirm other parts of my story. 2 weeks and $2500 in defense attorney fees later, charges against me are dropped. Good times.

A couple years later, she wanted to apologize, as she worked her steps. Just for grins, I mentioned my lawyer's fees from the incident. Haven't heard from her since.

Lotsa luck with hitting that point when you have to say "enough," ej.
posted by paulsc 05 May | 15:07
Enough was today, paulsc, when I cried with anger and frustration and sadness that I'd missed the picnic. Tomorrow I take the portable stuff over, give him to Wednesday for the rest and on Wednesday morning I go down to the 'Scope' place in Chingford with some photos of the furniture (so they can see it's not junk - in fact it's very good quality) and they'll come and fetch it for sale in their store.
posted by essexjan 05 May | 15:24
Good for you, ej! People have to be held accountable.

I'VE BEEN UP UNTIL 5-6 AM FOR NEARLY A WEEK AND I WOUND UP SLEEPING ALL DAY WHEN I NEED TO DO STUFF IN MY PLACE! I'VE BEEN GLUTTING MYSELF ON TOO MANY MOVIES! WHY CAN'T FILM FORUM SPREAD THEIR SERIES OUT OVER MORE DAYS LIKE THEY USED TO?
I JUST WENT TO SEE THE PERFORMANCE OF "THE YEAR OF MAGICAL THINKING" AND THERE'S A LINE WHERE SHE SAYS "THIS WILL HAPPEN TO YOU" NO IT WON'T!!!
I MADE FLIRTY COMMENTS TO SOMEONE WHO IS MUCH TOO YOUNG FOR ME (BUT IS PHYSICALLY MY TYPE) AND IS NOT MY OTHER!

posted by brujita 05 May | 15:59
IF IT'S ANY CONSOLATION, ESSEXJAN, WE WILL DEFINITELY BE DOING ANOTHER PICNIC SOON.
posted by chrismear 05 May | 18:12
Paulsc wins. Hands down. Wow.
posted by redvixen 05 May | 19:40
EJ, SOUNDS LIKE THE RIGHT THING TO DO: YOU GET RID OF THE CRAP WITHOUT ANY REASON TO FEEL GUILTY (although frankly I don't think you'd have cause to feel guilty if you just got rid of the stuff tomorrow, but if you'll feel better doing it that way, then that's the way to do it).

I HAD A CHANCE TO DO A FULL DAY'S WORK WITH MY UNCLE BUT I TURNED IT DOWN BECAUSE MY BOSS HAD BOOKED ME! THEN WE GOT TO THE SITE AND THE WEATHER IS TOO THREATENING FOR IT TO BE WORTH IT TO EVEN SET UP SO I ONLY WOUND UP WORKING 2.5 HOURS! ALSO I SPENT A DAY WORKING ON SOMEONE'S GARDEN THIS WEEK AND NOW MY HAND'S ALL SWOLLEN UP AND SORE AND I'M NOT SURE WHY! I HOPE IT'S STRAIN AND NOT SOME WEIRDLY INFECTED CUT OR SOMETHING! Actually, the work thing is not so bad because although I desperately need the money, the last couple of days have been really hard on my body and there's more punishment to come so I could probably use the rest.
posted by elizard 05 May | 20:47
ALSO, I GOT A LAST MINUTE INVITATION TO DO A WORK-FOR-PASSAGE FOR A FRIEND ON A 10 DAY WHITEWATER TRIP DOWN THE GRAND CANYON BUT I CAN'T DO IT 'CAUSE I CAN'T MISS THE WORK-FOR-PAY HERE! BOOHOOHOOHOOHOOOOOOOO!
posted by elizard 05 May | 21:39
LOLBRARIANZ || How was your relationship with your siblings when you were growing up?

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