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02 February 2007

Your day in headline form [More:]
Area Man Wakes Hours Earlier Than Usual For Conference Call, Spends Remainder of Morning Grumbling In His Pyjamas
"It only lasted 20 minutes," the Man complained
(which is to say, that is my day in headline form. Unless the same thing happened to you, too, in which case I sympathize.)
posted by cmonkey 02 February | 14:30
Area Man drinks beer, watches TV, does not leave Area
posted by jonmc 02 February | 14:32
Woman awakens late on her day off to find her apartment seemingly trashed.
I didn't really make this mess, did I? she asked.

Glider details at eleven.
posted by Specklet 02 February | 14:37
Area man checks sent email repeatedly to check that "never phone, email or text me again" didn't actually come out as "please bombard me with your shit, you freak"
posted by TheDonF 02 February | 14:37
Island Eccentric Wakes Early, Sets Fire to Wood.
"I'll finally have a working fridge, maybe next week!" she says. When approached, her cat reported her dancing around the cabin to Spearhead's latest. Neighbours deny that they fear she may garden with extreme prejudice.
posted by elizard 02 February | 14:38
Urea Man Pisses Off Wrong Librarian
posted by It's Raining Florence Henderson 02 February | 14:41
Local Recluse Discovers that Coffee Supply Falls Short of Single-Pot Demand; Tantrum Ensues
Feline witnesses report that after throwing refuse and breaking a coffee mug, perhaps accidentally, the shut-in, referred to only as "Mudpuppie," retreated to a corner and rocked herself gently. At press time, it was not known when the coffee supply would be restocked.
posted by mudpuppie 02 February | 14:46
Area Man, Wracked With Existential Angst, Contemplates the Mess His Life Has Become
posted by dersins 02 February | 14:47
Area Man Regrets Posting Self-Pitying Headline on Internets
posted by dersins 02 February | 14:48
Woman in same town as "Existential Angst Man" Simultaneously Feels Sympathy, Amusement
posted by Specklet 02 February | 14:54
Area Man Accepts, Is Grateful For, Both
posted by dersins 02 February | 14:57
Woman Arises at Noon, Hopes Coffee Shortage Not Yet Spread West.
posted by occhiblu 02 February | 14:59
Curmudgeon Hates World, People
posted by mike9322 02 February | 15:01
Woman Wonders if "West" means "North"
Confusion possibly caused by lack of caffeine
posted by Specklet 02 February | 15:03
Local Red Cross Volunteer Wishes She Never Signed Up.
posted by LoriFLA 02 February | 15:05
Bay Area Woman Reveals Stunning Ignorance of California Geography.
Blames confusion on lack of car and too many cities that start with S.
posted by occhiblu 02 February | 15:05
Local Recluse Overcomes Coffee Shortage, Dedicates Life to Teaching Others about Geography
posted by mudpuppie 02 February | 15:06
Local Recluse Learns How to Preview
posted by mudpuppie 02 February | 15:07
Aria Man Sings Like Canary
Blames Avian Flu
posted by It's Raining Florence Henderson 02 February | 15:09
Low Cal Man Drops 450 Pounds
Worth 877.05 US dollars at daily exchange
posted by It's Raining Florence Henderson 02 February | 15:15
Bay Area Woman Grateful for Lack of Preview, Makes Local Recluse Look Caring Rather Than Disgruntled.
"They're always coming after me with their atlases and wild hair, angry and muttering" she stated. "It's nice to know that at least one of them is dedicated to helping."
posted by occhiblu 02 February | 15:16
SCRUFFY, UNWASHED AREA SLACKER DRINKS COFFEE AND SMOKES ALL DAY WHILE WRESTLING WITH STUPID DJ SITE MUNGING HIS FILES

Despite anti-idiotarian server-side filters frustrating and fritzing on the funk, slacker enjoys watching the squirrels going crazy in the unseasonable spring-like sun outside and giving them peanuts, which instead of finishing this bad AP style article he's going to go do righ
posted by loquacious 02 February | 15:27
Local Wino Unfucks Accounts, Curses Previous Accountant, Demands Laphroaig, Settles for Johnny Red.
posted by Divine_Wino 02 February | 15:34
Area Man Drags Sorry Carcass Out of Bed at 5:30am to Swim
Chances of survival during his Kona Surf Expedition still in doubt
posted by danf 02 February | 15:57
Area Man Has Runny Poops, Runs Dangerously Low on Toilet Paper
posted by mullacc 02 February | 16:00
Local Man Counts The Seconds Until 4:30
posted by drezdn 02 February | 16:51
Local Idiot Deletes Document off of Network, Swears at IT
posted by muddgirl 02 February | 17:28
Local Man Goes To Work, Comes Home, Expects To Do Same On Monday
Denies he's in a rut, despite overwhelming evidence.
posted by tommasz 02 February | 17:31
Local Woman Stuck In Time Continium- 'The Week From Hell' Will Not End
posted by ThePinkSuperhero 02 February | 17:34
Man Realizes Everyone Else On Planet Insane
Admits defeat, begins drooling
posted by WolfDaddy 02 February | 17:34
Local Editor Meets with Book Authors; Salvages Essays, Stresses Immutability of Deadlines

Sidebar: Editor still irritated by ending of "The Departed," finally viewed last night; excitedly anticipates 1st night of 3 Weller concerts, tomorrow
posted by scody 02 February | 17:38
Local Mother Threatens to Extract Own Eardrums If She Has to Hear One More Freaking Word About the Goddamn Lion King. "That motherf#$%ing Simba" also considered at risk for harm.
posted by jrossi4r 02 February | 17:50
Area Man Dazzles Co-Workers With Stunning Display of Leadership, Saves Day For All

Relocated Area Man calls own shot in corporate America - shockwaves heard as far as Boston.
posted by Lipstick Thespian 02 February | 17:56
Local Woman Cleans Apartment
Was heard to say, "I'll be damned if those dustbunnies are going to win! They aren't MY kind of bunnies."
posted by lilywing13 02 February | 17:59
Area Woman Eats 14 Breath Mints, Waits for 5:30.
posted by found dog one eye 02 February | 18:10
Students Learn New Word: Phallic
posted by Pips 02 February | 18:18
Area Man Poops Three Times In One Day.
posted by sciurus 02 February | 18:32
Front Range Employee At Upstart Biotech Amazes Colleagues With Impressive Display of Meeting Planning Skills.


posted by lonefrontranger 02 February | 18:49
Local Blogger Cynicism Reaches Critical Mass
Details here.

Sleep Cycle Does 'Time Warp"
After months of irregular sleep hours, local man achieves same sleep schedule for several days straight. "Normal sleeping hours, yes, if I were in New Zealand. Which I am not."
posted by wendell 02 February | 18:57
Sleepless Nights, Wasted Days

Internet Addiction Takes Toll on US Workforce Productivity, Families.
posted by mlis 02 February | 19:47
Internet Addict Contemplates Meltdown Due to Lack of Said Internet, Decides to Go Grocery Shopping Instead
posted by deborah 02 February | 21:10
Mmmm... I made curry tonight. It was very good. || Your sweatpants are very saggy.

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