MetaChat - Describe Your Life Plan(tm) and Why Anyone on Earth Should Take You Seriously At It

Plan? I'm supposed to have a plan?

(plans are for architects. just live, yo)

posted by jonmc 12 December | 15:20

I plan to become filthy wealthy by working until I drop, ignoring my social life, and cheating deserving people whenever I have the chance.

Uh oh, did I say that outloud?

posted by ThePinkSuperhero 12 December | 15:26

Why I Matter: I have ensured the survival of a new generation of psychotherapists by raising my kids in a most peculiar fashion. They will doubtless need years of therapy. I feel that I have done my part for the world economy.
What I Intend to Do: Leave home as soon as my youngest turns 21, in six long, long years.
Why Should You Care: You might meet one of them in a dark alley sometime.

posted by mygothlaundry 12 December | 16:03

I only matter in relation to other people and animals, and I don't have a plan. I agree with jonmc.

I have a girlfriend who is depressed about an upcomming birthday, because she has "worked so hard on herself" for the last seven years, and she "thought she'd be in a different place with stuff." I'm not saying spend money irresponsibly and give up on dating or whatever, but I wish I could get her, for her birthday, to just let go and go with the flow.

posted by rainbaby 12 December | 16:19

Well, you see, I'm just this guy...

posted by Doohickie 12 December | 16:19

Uh oh, did I say that outloud?

Don't worry, you didn't say anything we didn't already know.

posted by Doohickie 12 December | 16:21

she "thought she'd be in a different place with stuff."

I said something similar when I was 21 and had flunked out of college. My dad said that when he was 21, he was in Ft. Benning with a rifle in his hand and didn't know if he'd ever see home alive again and that I should STFU. Since then, I've abandoned planning, except for the occasional 'what the fuck am I doing?' moment when confronted by my peers.

posted by jonmc 12 December | 16:27

While to me it seems futile to try to direct the flow, it also seems futile to stick in the mud.

posted by rainbaby 12 December | 16:38

Why Anyone on Earth Should Take You Seriously

No one should take me seriously. This has been the goal of my entire life, honestly.

posted by jonmc 12 December | 16:40

I lived long enough for the divorce to be final; from here on, life is cake and ice cream.

posted by mischief 12 December | 16:41

I plan to get rich off people like mygothlaundry's children (thanks, mgl!), and use the money to create a feminist utopia in which no one is restricted because of, judged by, or hurt due to his or her gender. And then I will spend all my time eating very good food and drinking very good wine. And doing yoga.

Yes, that is the plan.

On preview: Why you should care??? No reason at all, really.

posted by occhiblu 12 December | 16:43

and use the money to create a feminist utopia in which no one is restricted because of, judged by, or hurt due to his or her gender.

I'll open a strip club/casino/ultimate fighting/sports bar just outside the gates and make a fortune.

posted by jonmc 12 December | 16:45

I like mygothlaundry's plan. My plan is similar..raise 'em the best I can, push 'em out of the nest, move and not tell them where. I plan on living a long time, doing all sorts of things that interest me, and dying in my sleep at age 93.

posted by redvixen 12 December | 16:47

1. 'Cause I'm a child o'God [or whatever other life force anyone would suggest as responsible for or even indirectly the cause of human existences], and therefore as important or not-so as anyone else. Also 'cause I create things and events that weren't there before, some of which people have been known to enjoy.

2. I intend to keep learning, keep asking questions, keep creating things, get a master's degree, travel as much as possible, own a home, have a meaningful career of which I can be proud and which meets my basic needs, have my own family or be important in others' families, and be an active partipant in my culture.

3. No one's required to care. It's up to the individual.

posted by Miko 12 December | 16:48

1. I have no delusions. I know I don't matter.
2. I'm doing it.
3. I don't give a fuck if you care or not.

So 4. Shut up and mind your own business.

posted by eekacat 12 December | 16:55

Uh, we were supposed to have a plan?

Why I Matter: Can't tell you why I matter because I don't think I do. However, my family and beasties seem to enjoy having me around.

What I Intend to Do: Today I intend to wrap the mister's birthday presents (he's 56 today), finish the laundry and make Manwiches for dinner. That's about how far I plan into the future.

Why You Should Care: You shouldn't.

posted by deborah 12 December | 16:58

That's a good point, jonmc.

I make plans two years ahead. After that I have ideas but I try not to feel attached to any plans.

posted by halonine 12 December | 17:01

If I could give solid answers to LT's questions, I'd probably be a lot happier person than I am. OTOH, It's hard to imagine that state - it must be some sort of buddha-like enlightenment. Over and over throughout the course of every day I ask myself why it matters that I am alive, and what I should do with that time. I have a feeling that there might be answers, but fucked if I know what they are.

*takes more prozac*

posted by pieisexactlythree 12 December | 17:10

My sister says I matter, but I don't see it. I'd like to matter for that special person, but they're hiding from me and doing a really good job of it as well. Other than that, I don't have a plan. Work looks like it could be be really good next year, and I'm doing a short Open University course, which is cool. As long as I keep learning and stimulated, that's all that matters. Oh, I should read more - I should plan to read more in the evenings.

posted by TheDonF 12 December | 17:12

1. Someone's gotta wash the dishes.
2. See #1.
3. See #2.

posted by stynxno 12 December | 17:35

plans are for architects.

Ahem.

My plan:

1. Change careers. (I don't want to be an architect.)

2. I'm working on it. There's a partner and kids, there's a big vegetable garden, there's good food and music and not a lot of debt. Other than that, it's a bit hazy.

I matter, but you don't have to care. I wouldn't mind if you did, though.

posted by Specklet 12 December | 17:39

1. Someone's gotta throw out the paper plates, foam cups, and the plastic forks pilfered from Wendy's.
2. There is no #2.
3. See #2.

posted by mischief 12 December | 17:52

1. Change careers. (I don't want to be an architect.)
Girl, you're a cad monkey, not an architect :)

posted by pieisexactlythree 12 December | 17:58

Do one thing that will be remembered by more than 5000 people. *
*must not include anything harmful to humanity.

Why should people take me seriously?
They shouldn't if they don't want to. But sometimes I am quite serious, and it'd be nice to be respected for that.

posted by seanyboy 12 December | 18:15

I matter because I teach. I can't actually prove that I matter, we really won't be sure until a reasonable sample of my students have become established adults and I am nearly dead. But I think I matter.

My plan at 45 is to keep teaching until it isn't fun anymore, which I can't ever imagine happening.

You probably don't need to care very much, just vote for politicians who support public education and I will ask no more of you.

posted by LarryC 12 December | 19:24

But sometimes I am quite serious, and it'd be nice to be respected for that.

I think that the minute I take myself seriously I should be savaged with hilarious sarcasm. But, different strokes and all that shit.

posted by jonmc 12 December | 19:48

(I like these kinds of questions)

Why I matter: Because there are people and animals to whom I matter; and because, occasionally, I somehow manage to make their lives better.

What I intend to do: Contribute, if only a little bit, to the sum total of human knowledge and happiness. Leave this world a better place, if just slightly, than it was when I came in.

Why should you care: You're part of this world, right?

posted by box 12 December | 20:08

Keep it together.
Increase love.
Have some laughs.

People should take me seriously because I'm a sucker seeking missile and I'll herb you on contact.

posted by Divine_Wino 12 December | 20:19

I've mattered because I've added quite a bit of tangible wealth to the world (mostly in industrial machinery and manufacturing processes), and because I take care of people who are disabled or otherwise unable to fend for themselves. I'm officially a senior citizen now, so I get to reflect more than I need to plan. Billions of people on earth think you should care about what I have to say simply because I've probably lived longer than you, and I'm not inclined to disagree with that collective wisdom, but I could also care less if you kill file me, 'cause I get less grief that way.

posted by paulsc 12 December | 20:23

honest answers:

why I matter: I don't. I am yet another turd squeezed through the asshole of life.

what I intend to do: at the moment drink some more beer and watch some more TV, then continue to drunkenly stumble through the rest of my life.

why you should care: because in spite of being a complete also, I'm still somehow sexy and charming.

actually, you shouldn't care.

posted by jonmc 12 December | 20:56

1. I really believe we all matter the same, so I matter as much as I care to feel others matter.
2. My plan has always been the same : do what I want and need to and avoid prison.
3. I don't know why you should care, in fact evidence seems to suggest that you shouldn't!

LT this is sniper speak!

posted by Mrs.Pants 12 December | 21:46

...use the money to create a feminist utopia in which no one is restricted because of, judged by, or hurt due to his or her gender.
Unfortunately, a feminist uptopia would probably be quite the opposite for those of us with meat-and-two-veg, if you consider the public face of feminism. Now, if you were to say "a utopia in which no one is restricted because of, judged by, or hurt due to any factor beyond their control", where do I line up to get in?

I try to plan my life, I really do. However, life gets in the way of my planning every fucking time. Sometimes I try to give up planning, but my personality makes that impossible for me. I balance these out by making plans and keeping them to myself so nobody important knows when my plans turn to shit. If nobody knows, you can't fail, right?

You shouldn't care and I don't matter. like specklet, I wouldn't mind if you cared at least a little bit and I sometimes like to think I matter to some people, if only tangentially and/or briefly.

posted by dg 12 December | 23:21

No, it wouldn't be. Every feminist I know also wants gender equality for men, and finds the current system untenable and unfair to both men and women. Crappy anti-feminists have managed to convince the public at large that "anti-man" and "feminist" are synonyms.

posted by occhiblu 12 December | 23:51

Yeah, that's why I said "the public face of feminism" - I am well aware that what many humans perceive as feminism is nothing to do with equitable treatment of all, but a movement trying to swing the pendulum all the way over to the other side. As usual, those who shout the loudest are those who hate the most, so we end up with skewed perceptions of almost every movement that exists.

Personally, I would never support any movement that claims to seek "equal opportunities for x group" because that statement alone makes it clear that it is not equal treatment being sought, but preferential treatment.

posted by dg 13 December | 00:18

"...Personally, I would never support any movement that claims to seek "equal opportunities for x group" because that statement alone makes it clear that it is not equal treatment being sought, but preferential treatment."
posted by dg 13 December | 00:18

Amen, dg. You've met the Buddha, and can advance in the next life, pal.

posted by paulsc 13 December | 00:31

I'm not going to tell people whether they should care or not.

If they care, great. If they don't, they don't. They're grownups. They can make their own decisions.

I matter because I am a close personal friend of Bubba Hog and, by helping introduce the world to his peculiar groove, I have liberated my fellow human beings from mental bondage and gained some excellent karma.

My plan? Ummmm . . . *clearing throat* . . I'll have to get back to you on that one.

Cheers!

posted by jason's_planet 13 December | 00:39

Personally, I would never support any movement that claims to seek "equal opportunities for x group" because that statement alone makes it clear that it is not equal treatment being sought, but preferential treatment.

What? Why? Also, how so?

I'm reading that as - and I'm sorry if I'm misreading it - flatly that if, say, women were denied the right to vote then you would not support a movement to grant them that right, that we already live in a perfectly fair and equal world and any attempt to legislate parity is merely an attempt to gain unfair advantage. Do you want to qualify that statement at all or am I reading it as you intend it to be read?

I'm asking because currently in the US there is no federal right for same sex couples to enjoy the same protections as heterosex couples in marriage and I can't understand how such a movement for equal rights would be an expectation of "preferential treatment" as opposed to "equal treatment". I'm genuinely curious and don't mean this as a rhetorical trap, sometimes people don't hold the same explicit definitions for certain words that I do and I'd hate to form an opinion based solely on my own definintions.

posted by Divine_Wino 13 December | 01:25

You are misreading me somewhat, but it's more my fault than yours. Everything you wrote above is true and I agree with it 100%. The bit that I didn't mention is that, (in my ever-so-humble opinion, of course) when people say "equal opportunity for x group" there seems to be an almost-spoken caveat to the effect that "we have suffered for so long that it is only fair that we get a better deal than everyone else now to make up for it". As I said, that's just my perspective and probably says more about what I perceive as being penalised for being a male single parent* than it does about any group seeking to be treated as an equal to everyone else.

* In the sense of being solely responsible for the care and upbringing of a child or children. Anything else is not being a single parent, no matter how much some people whine about how hard it is and how nobody understands.

posted by dg 13 December | 02:33

MRS. PANTS:
No snipers! No snipers!

I just put this thread out there as a result of moving out here. Everyone wants to know My Big Plans for Life, and unfortunately now, I'm too concerned with other, smaller issues to give it the time it deserves. And people seem to look down on this out here, and I'm feeling the pressure of that in ways I didn't think would be present now.

So I thought I'd just toss the vibe out into the bunnyverse. No snipers!

posted by Lipstick Thespian 13 December | 08:50

No, it wouldn't be. Every feminist I know also wants gender equality for men, and finds the current system untenable and unfair to both men and women

In theory, sure. But human nature being what it is. I wouldn't expect a group with a lot of (legit) axes to grind to all of a sudden turn around and throw us the cumbaya action. People aren't like that. That's why utopian thinking will always fail.

posted by jonmc 13 December | 09:06

My life plan is to be a really good activist, and I'm getting there on it! And it's making me a better person too. So I guess I am pretty lucky to know what I am doing with my life!

I also have a work of Theory that I will contribute some day. It will be frightfully dull.

I also have a work of Science Fiction that is getting somewhere, and an Album of Pop Music.

Most importantly I want to build a Family, a Sovereign Nation of Two, with my Better Half.

But before I do any of these things, I need to heal myself. And this is the hardest of all.

posted by By the Grace of God 13 December | 09:14

Why I matter: I've dreamed up a business plan to finally cash in on my street cred, and I'm just about to fire a shot over the bow of the SS Corporate Elite.
What is my plan is: Whip up a credible media production company with just a few thousand dollars worth of equipment via digital terrestrial broadcasting (TV on your mobile phone)
Wy you should care: I'm going to make you all rich.

posted by PlanetKyoto 13 December | 10:47

God forbid that anyone would take me seriously. I'm really not a fan of seriousness, and don't find it terribly useful in daily life. My plan is to do what I want for as long as I can and then make a quick exit with as little fanfare as possible. So far it's been working out OK.

posted by doctor_negative 13 December | 11:26

when people say "equal opportunity for x group" there seems to be an almost-spoken caveat to the effect that "we have suffered for so long that it is only fair that we get a better deal than everyone else now to make up for it". As I said, that's just my perspective...

It is probably just your perspective. When people read into a group's statements and see there an "almost spoken" agenda, I think they are most often projecting fears onto the group making the statement. "Almost spoken" means "not spoken," and therefore, assumed. Whenever an oppressed or formerly oppressed group speaks up for itself, it triggers fears about the social order changing. Then we get all sorts of panicked reactions, such as 'they think they're better than us/ had it harder than everyone else/ deserve more privileges/etc.' Very, very rarely do you hear anyone asking for that. In almost all civil and human rights efforts, with the possible exception of reparations issues, the only thing being requested is non-discrimination in the eyes of the law and in the social contract. We would do better to react to the actions, to the policy initiatives and proposals, of groups who seek a change in legal limitations on human rights, not to the ideas we imagine we can discern in their secret hearts. We live in a world of action, not mind-reading.

posted by Miko 13 December | 11:26

Then we get all sorts of panicked reactions, such as 'they think they're better than us/

'They think they're better than us/something special' is pretty much the origin of 90% of the resentment in the world, in my experience. And sadly, I think there's some truth to it.

posted by jonmc 13 December | 11:34

and by truth, I mean whst's encapsulated in this quote from Jim Goad: "If you tell people their nothing often enough, eventually they'll come back claiming to be everything."

And that's understandable, and just the way it goes generally.

posted by jonmc 13 December | 11:45

I just put this thread out there as a result of moving out here. Everyone wants to know My Big Plans for Life

LT, I think this is a pretty common complaint from West Coast folks who come East. I grew up and live on the East Coast, and the normal icebreaker when you meet someone at a party or in a bar or whatever is to ask him/her, "So, what do you do?", which usually leads into the types of questions you've asked.

I never thought this was odd or offensive until I started to meet people who had moved here from elsewhere who felt that this line of questioning assigned a place to them on the social stratum that somehow encapsulated their essence as a person (hard worker or slacker?), and their worth as a conversation partner/friend. I think that the Puritan Work Ethic (TM) may have something to do with it, and the natural inclination of people to want to benchmark themselves against others.

posted by initapplette 13 December | 11:55

Life and home are pretty good, I'm lucky to have a job I really like and a nice place to live.

My plan for life is to find love again, some day. For now, cat love is enough.

posted by essexjan 13 December | 12:03

*Goes to sit next to PlanetKyoto*

posted by taz 13 December | 12:48

A person whose wisdom and intelligence I hold in the highest esteem said this of his last career change:

"I considered what I could do that would have the greatest benefit to the next generation. The answer was either working to stop global warming, or working to stop nuclear proliferation. As it happens, the global warming folks called back first."

He's now running the climate change effort at one of the major NGOs. I am deeply impressed by his dedication to the next generations - not in the abstract, but in the wake-up-this-morning-and-do-something-useful sense.

Me? I'm trying to follow his example.

posted by Triode 13 December | 12:50

I agree with init, though I think we've talked about this in other threads? Having lived in the Northeast, I think you can evade the job pressure a bit by just recognizing it as a weird regional quirk and not putting *too* much stock in it. Or come up with a reasonably plausible answer and switch the topic back to their job. If you can pull off the "I think you're fascinating, teach me" vibe, responses like, "I'm still trying to find my niche. What do you like most about what you do? ... Were you expecting that when you started out?... That sounds like something I'd definitely like to find for my own life..." can sometimes work (and make the conversation move somewhere more interesting, switching it from a job interview to a philosophical conversation about the nature of jobs).

posted by occhiblu 13 December | 12:53

(Unless, of course, these conversations are happening at job interviews. Then switching the topic would probably be a bad move.)

posted by occhiblu 13 December | 12:55

No, Occhi, they're happening with everyone I've made contact with out here. Literally everyone I know here does this.

I feel that I'm constantly being put up against that hallway wall we all had as a kid where they measure your height every year.

The problem for me is I'm having people make huge judgements over who I am entirely as a person based on very limited information. And I don't do at all well when I feel I'm being pigeonholed by anyone.

Regional quirkiness aside, there's a real need behind it. I just don't like where the need feels like it's coming from in certain instances.

Another in-thread thought: Which is harder - to believe (or act on) in the possibility of change, or to adhere to what you need something/someone to be to feel safe yourself?

I'm loving this thread - long may it wave.

posted by Lipstick Thespian 13 December | 15:32

I think it might help to realize they're probably *not* making huge judgements, though. It just feels like they are because you're not used to it being a small talk question. Jobs seem like a "neutral" topic; I really doubt anyone's trying to make you feel uncomfortable or judging you particularly -- or maybe only in the sense that they feel it's a perfectly normal superficial question, so it seems weird that it's freaking you out?

Best parallel I can draw: After my mom died, "How are you?" became a bit of a loaded question for me. It would trigger a thirty-minute internal monologue about the meaning of life, how fucked up our society is, and why everyone on earth thought I should have a simple answer to the question of how I was. But... it was just a question, asked mainly out of politeness. My feelings about it weren't wrong, but the conversation I was having in my head was not the conversation that was actually happening between me and ther person asking the question.

Which is not to say the job discussion can't be truly evil. The social-climbing aspect of it in Washington really turned me off the city. ("What do you do, and how can I use that to my advantage?")

posted by occhiblu 13 December | 15:48

I get that. I went through it also with the death of my parents also. Or my divorce. Etc. (insert MAJOR LIFE TRAGEDY here).

There's just too much of a "I know you and what you are and will forever be" vibe out here with some experiences I've had. There's an arrogance to it that to my West Coast mellowhaid, strikes me as intensely arrogant.

posted by Lipstick Thespian 13 December | 16:15

So it's worse in D.C., occhiblu? I've seen it come up a lot on the craigslist rantsNraves(DC) board and was a little relieved to see it characterized in this thread as an East Coast thing rather a Washington thing ... and now it's a East-Coast-but-especially-DC thing?

posted by danostuporstar 13 December | 16:22

I got a little of that too, LT, when I was visiting "back east." I'd usually answer, "I bowl," or "I like to knit." Generally, they'd look a little confused, and I'd say, "Oh, you mean for MONEY??? I assumed you wanted to know what I did for fun!"

posted by muddgirl 13 December | 16:30

I've had that same experience here and answered it in the same way, Muddgirl. Or the person wanted to know what I did to make money, seeing as acting/performing/DJ-ing didn't answer the question. It was bizarre -

"Hi, I've just met you. Allow me to give you my financial prospectus as an ice-breaker for future communication."

I need to go sit with children and small dogs.

posted by Lipstick Thespian 13 December | 16:37

"There's just too much of a 'I know you and what you are and will forever be' vibe out here with some experiences I've had."

I hate that vibe. But you might want to try to pick your battles. It's sad that people aren't understanding. Also, people who think their lives are better than yours are conveniently ignoring their own imperfections. You could take on every one of those people as you meet them, but I just can't see that ending well.

posted by halonine 13 December | 18:21

dano, I think it was different in DC. The general "What do you do?" as opening question seemed pretty normal throughout the East Coast, just in a general small talk sort of way; in Washington, there's so much emphasis on (and success based on) networking that it just felt way more stifling to me. I felt like people would actually break off conversations if, after a question or two, they deemed you un-useful to their career advancement.

It was a weird situation for me -- I've got the degree from Harvard and had enough (purely social) connections that people would pursue conversations with me, but my boyfriend at the time was a college drop-out and the way many people treated him was just so fucking rude. We had lived (and dated) in Boston and Alaska and San Francisco over the course of our relationship, and NOWHERE ELSE did I see such a dismissal of him simply based on his lack of pedigree.

I'm not sure I would have noticed quite so much had I not been dating him at the time, but since I was, the contrast between how people treated us -- based on only one or two questions that gathered just professional and educational background and nothing else -- was insane. It was an immediate relief to get to San Francisco after that (though it never bothered me unduly in Boston).

posted by occhiblu 13 December | 19:40

I have often felt uncomfortable when people ask "What do you do?" It's like living in a town with a bad reputation - you might skirt the truth, or name the next town over just to sound better, at least to your self. Working retail does not give you much respect. If I said I was in charge of Quality Control, Packaging and Display Department, for the Meat Division of a supermarket chain, I would get much more respect than saying I'm a meat wrapper. So imagine my surprise at my 20th high school reunion two years ago, when no one was particularly interested in what anyone was doing. It was more of a "Are you married? Any kids? And where do you live now?" kind of thing. Was this my life plan? No. I was undirected when I was younger, suffered from too much low-self-esteem to believe I could achieve any better. But surprisingly, I like my job. I have wonderful regular customers, I know a lot of people I consider to be friends, and I enjoy helping people out. So while my plan got a little skewed, it's all turned out pretty well, IMO.

posted by redvixen 13 December | 20:27

I felt like people would actually break off conversations if, after a question or two, they deemed you un-useful to their career advancement.

Yeah, that's rude. But maybe, in a backasswards kind of way, they were doing you a favor. They removed themselves from your life in two minutes. Without any struggle on your part, I may add.

So imagine my surprise at my 20th high school reunion two years ago, when no one was particularly interested in what anyone was doing. It was more of a "Are you married? Any kids? And where do you live now?" kind of thing.

Sounds very refreshing.

posted by jason's_planet 13 December | 21:20

They removed themselves from your life in two minutes.

Yeah, but I'm talking friends of friends, in social situations where you're all still stuck at the dinner table together. It was totally ridiculous.

posted by occhiblu 13 December | 21:39

12 December 2006