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08 August 2006

PSA for today... THIS IS A BITCHING THREAD!!! [More:]

Hang. The. FUCK. Up. And. Drive.

this means you. and you too. oh and you, did you think I didn't see that!?!?

word: if you happen to be in your deathbox, yammering on your cellphone waiting to turn right, with the clutch in and the brake off whilst... gradually... rolling... into... the... bike lane, then do NOT go all pissy with me when I come to a nervous semi-halt waiting for you to:

a) come to a COMPLETE stop and acknowledge me with eye contact

or

b) failing that, do not then lean out the window and shout 'come ON, I'm not gonna hit you, can't you see I'm waiting?'

uh no, dipshit. I merely see a dick operating a two-ton deadly weapon, yakking on a cellphone, rolled halfway into the bike lane, with mad rush hour traffic bearing down on me from behind.

feel free to tack any peevish daily rant you desire onto here, they don't have to relate to anything I said...

that is all.
This happens to me all the time on the bike or in the crosswalk.

I have mastered -- mastered -- a drop-dead, withering glare. I tell you what, it makes people look away real fast.
posted by mudpuppie 08 August | 19:48
HANG UP AND ALSO GET OFF MY BUMPER!!!!! I don't speed to please you, so unless you can pass me safely, GET OFF!!
posted by redvixen 08 August | 19:52
I do shout "HANG UP THE PHONE!" at people. I'm going to get shot one of these days...
posted by psho 08 August | 19:56
ah yes, mudpuppie, the Jedi Mind Trick, as the couriers I knew in DC called it.

the problem is, there are some so lost to the Dark Side that they can resist all attempts to sway them.

and on a further note:

god DAMN earwigs!! one was in the butter just now. which was thoughtfully left out on the counter by the roommate.

Gah.
posted by lonefrontranger 08 August | 19:56
Dear brain,

I like you. I really do. But you know how we're supposed to actually work in order to pay the rent? Yeah, we can't do that if you're distracted and playing tetris rather than actually concentrating. Please shape up soon or I'll be forced to drown you in liquor again tonight.

Your best pal,
cmonkey
posted by cmonkey 08 August | 20:06
Dear operators of motor vehicles: your car is equipped with turn signals. They are there for a reason. Yes, even pedestrians need to know which way you're going at an intersection. If you are not indicating an intention to turn, I would like to be safe in assuming that you're going straight and act accordingly without suddenly feeling the kiss of your bumper on my knees. Studies have shown that most meetings between large, moving hunks of metal and human flesh end badly for the human. Very badly. I like my legs. I like them intact. In spite of extensive experimentation with various plants and chemicals, I have yet to develop psychic ability. Surely we can work together on this, you incompetent boob.
posted by elizard 08 August | 20:22
no one likes me
posted by getoffmylawn 08 August | 20:43
Somebody ripped my driver's side mirror off this morning. It's really hard to drive without a driver's side mirror. I miss my driver's side mirror.
posted by eamondaly 08 August | 20:49
goml, *I* like you. I know it doesn't count for much, but you have my vote *hugs*
posted by lonefrontranger 08 August | 21:00
Can I be your Tonto?
posted by getoffmylawn 08 August | 21:30
Dear Vast Wasteland of State Employees:

Work is hard, what with all that paper you see everyday. A good rule to follow, though, is to know what to do with it. Simply bringing it to me and mumbling at me then walking away will not send the paper you formerly possessed to a better place.

Ditto for snipy, snarky e-mails that make me think you're all a bunch of Cat Ladies.

Goddam Buncha Bureaucratic Cat Ladies!
posted by Lipstick Thespian 08 August | 22:04
sure you can be my Tonto goml!! anyways, everyone knows Tonto was the smart one of the pair.
posted by lonefrontranger 08 August | 23:31
Bunny Man? || Come to #bunnies and enjoy Holy Joe's martyrdom

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